The Mind-Tailed Fox
by arenavanera
Summary: An AU fic, where ninjas are clever and subtle. (Like, you know, ninjas.) Vaguely rationalist, inspired by that one aside in HPMOR.
1. 1 - An Unexpected Tenant

Author's Notes:

This is an AU fic. I will follow canon very loosely, and will ignore basically everything revealed post-timeskip. Enjoy, and if you like it (or hate it), reviews are appreciated!

(Also, don't worry, Naruto will get less dumb as time goes on.)

~o~O~o~O~o~

There is a story told in a certain village, in a certain time, about a nine-tailed demon fox:

 **Once, there appeared a nine-tailed demon fox.**

 **One swing of its tail could crumble mountains and cause tsunamis.**

 **To fight the demon, the people assembled the Shinobi.**

 **One brave Shinobi was able to seal up the demon, but he lost his life.**

 **That Shinobi was called the 4th Hokage.**

There is another story, however. A truer story, though not perhaps the truth. This story is rarely told, for it holds a secret.

Better that the people fear the demon fox for its might, as they fear the Shinobi for their might.

 **Once, there appeared a nine-tailed demon fox.**

 **One swing of its tail could topple houses and scatter men like leaves.**

 **But each of these tails held a greater power.**

 **In each there dwelled a dark and malevolent intelligence.**

 **In each there lay a mind, as far above man's as man's above an ape.**

 **And these dark intelligences conferred, and plotted, and schemed.**

 **And to stand against the Kyuubi in battle was certain death.**

 **For the Kyuubi would not be there if victory were not assured.**

 **Many Shinobi came together and conferred, and plotted, and schemed.**

 **One among them was more clever, more devious than the rest.**

 **None knew his name, for he hid among them in plain sight.**

 **Once, and only once, was the Kyuubi defeated, through means unknown.**

 **The blade that struck him down was called the 4th Hokage.**

 **And he paid for victory with his own life, and with his son's joy.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto collapsed in exhaustion. The forest floor was wet where it pressed against his face, cool but not cold. There was a gentle breeze on the night air. It might have felt nice, if there were a single part of his body that didn't hurt.

This Shadow Clone technique was going to kill him. Honestly, what was he doing out here? He couldn't even manage the normal Clone jutsu. What made him think he was going to teach himself a forbidden B-rank technique in a few hours? Maybe he should go back, and...

Naruto's thoughts trailed off there. It wasn't like he had anything to go back _to_. He didn't even have a future as a ninja, not unless he managed to pull something off tonight. Slowly, his face hardened. He pushed himself up, sitting cross-legged in front of the scroll that was giving him so much trouble, staring at it in irritation.

The scroll, barely legible in the moonlight, seemed to stare back. Naruto blinked first, rubbing the back of his head and grimmacing.

It made no sense, but honestly this Shadow Clone thing seemed _easier_ to him than the normal Clone jutsu. The seals were the same, but it felt...different, somehow. Whenever he did the Clone jutsu - or any jutsu, really, but especially the Clone - something around the area of his stomach would start to feel really, really wrong. He would push, and it would get worse, and he'd push harder, and his chakra would start wavering erratically, and then...well, at least being laughed at was better then not existing.

The Shadow Clone didn't feel that way, though. It was _hard_ , but it was hard the way running a marathon was hard, not the way running a hundred meters on a broken leg was hard.

Still, it was beating the shit out of him. The technique started by gathering a frankly ridiculous quantity of chakra, and whenever he messed up and lost control that chakra would run wild through his body. It was like being touched by a live wire everywhere at once. His muscles would spasm, slamming him into the ground, or a tree, or himself until he was bruised all over. Worse, his _chakra pathways_ hurt. He hadn't even known they _could_ hurt until tonight. It was scary, actually. What if he was doing permanent damage?

Naruto shook his head like a wet dog. It didn't matter. If what Mizuki had told him was true, he needed to impress Iruka-sensei _tonight_ , with real results, or else...

Naruto shook his head again, harder. That didn't matter either. The wounds didn't matter, the future didn't matter, all that mattered was the scroll in front of him. Sighing, he moved closer, squinting at chakra diagrams in the bad light, looking for his mistake.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Something felt right this time. Something felt RIGHT this time! The wrongness in his stomach was there now, just barely, like a fly buzzing around his head. It wasn't getting in the way. Naruto could feel his body, his chakra, even his mind splitting in two.

And also...something else? The technique was trying to split something else deep inside him, and whatever it was didn't like being split one bit. He felt - felt, not heard - a howl of rage in the back of his mind. His teeth vibrated as pure, raw anger poured through him, and he fell to the ground, clutching his head.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto woke up, groggy, feeling his head with a bruised hand. It didn't tell him much, except that both his head and his hand hurt.

 _Well, OK, I guess I'm not trying that again._

 **Oh, I don't know. I think it might go better the second time.**

Naruto would have jumped if he had been standing up. As it was, he just spasmed on the ground like a dying bug. WHAT WAS THAT IN HIS HEAD OH GOD...

 **Calm down, meat. I've always been here.**

 _What...who are you?_

 **Well, you could say I'm an unwilling prisoner, and you an unwilling jailer. Funny how that works out, isn't it?**

 _That didn't answer my question, you know! I don't know who you are, or what happened, or much of anything really, but if you don't get out of my head right now I'm going to kick your ass!_

Naruto felt - once again felt, rather than heard - a rumbling laugh in the back of his mind, from somewhere deep and wet and dark.

 **I had forgotten how funny you wet slabs of meat are to talk to. You're welcome to try, human. Just come down and have a go at me!**

Suddenly, it was like a trapdoor had fallen out from under him, and Naruto fell down, down, down into the depths of his own mind.

 _Shit._

~o~O~o~O~o~

Three walls of blackened stone, scarred with wide gashes. One enormous gate with tall steel bars as wide around as a man's waist, and a lock the size of a safe. On top of the keyhole, keeping the whole thing shut, a tiny wisp of paper with a few seals scrawled on it in an unfamiliar hand. Behind it, the Kyuubi in all his terrible power.

If Naruto hadn't been some sort of trippy egoscopic projection of himself at the moment, he would have shit his pants.

The Kyuubi slammed a paw into the door of his prison, claws bigger than Naruto protruding menacingly from between the bars. The tiny piece of paper holding the whole thing together fluttered distressingly in the wind, and Naruto fell back onto the floor in fear.

"Well? Here I am, meat. Come and...what was the colorful term you used...'kick my ass', then."

Naruto opened his mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again.

"You don't scare me, whatever you are! And I'm not dumb enough to fall for your tricks! You can just sit in that cage and rot forever, so nyah!"

Naruto punctuated this by sticking out his tongue and pulling on his face. His hands were shaking, though, so it didn't quite have the intended effect.

The Kyuubi laughed again, longer than before. Down here Naruto could actually hear it, and the beast's laughter boomed off the walls like a wet rockslide.

Suddenly, Naruto wanted to be anywhere but where he was. To his surprise, he felt himself fading away and up. Shortly thereafter, he was lying on the grass in the forest again. It still felt like there was a trapdoor...under him? He didn't really have words for directions in his mind. But now he had his metaphorical legs splayed over it, and he didn't think he'd fall down unless he decided to, or maybe if he received a particularly nasty shock.

 **Now, listen carefully, meat. Our fates are tied together, for a time, and so there are a few things you need to know. I am well-versed in the manifold weaknesses of your species, and in particular your abysmal memories, but try as hard as you can not to make me repeat myself. It is a...frustrating experience.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto sat on the forest floor, idly snapping twigs. It was a bad habit for a ninja, but if Naruto cared about things like that he probably wouldn't wear a bright orange jumpsuit.

The Kyuubi had explained a great many things to him. The war, the beast's sealing, and their shared fate. Not that it made much sense.

 _I still don't get it, Kyu. If you die when I die, why aren't I dead? I mean, I'm not exactly Konoha's number one most-loved celebrity, right?_

If the Kyuubi was annoyed by his new nickname, he didn't say anything.

 **It is...difficult to explain to one without knowledge of sealcraft. Suffice it to say that if you were slain in cold blood by a fellow member of the Leaf, I would be set free. That sort of calculated murder of the innocent requires humans to indulge their more demonic nature, and the act would resonate with my own being, shattering my prison. If, on the other hand, you were to die tragically, fighting the enemy, my own existence would fade away with yours. With other situations, it is hard to say, but I certainly don't wish to conduct the experiment.**

Naruto was having trouble adjusting to the way the fox talked. It was polite, almost aristocratic, until it suddenly wasn't. Then it was all "meatbag" this and "fleshsack" that, mixed with some very disparaging comments about Naruto's unknown mother. Did all demons talk that way?

 _So, you'll like, lend me your power then? If I had your chakra, I could really tear things up! They'd have to make me Hokage!_

 **As much as I would enjoy being set free by the subsequent assassination, that isn't really in the cards right now. The 4th was quite serious when he put me away; my chakra is bottled up inside you, with no way out. And I mean NO way out. The seals are so aggressive that they probably interfere with YOUR chakra flow too. Not that I can fault his diligence; I would have done the same in his place.**

Naruto's hopes were crushed for the second time that day. Apparently the Kyuubi could percieve more than just his conscious thoughts, however, because it responded.

 **Don't give up hope just yet, meat. I didn't say I couldn't help you. My chakra simply can't leave your body. I can use it to heal your wounds, however, as I have for most of your life. And there are a few - very few, but a few - techniques that don't require emitting chakra. Furthermore, by some quirk of fate, you have just mastered one of them.**

Understanding dawned on Naruto slowly, but when it did he broke out into a huge grin. A second afterward he grew thoughtful, though.

 _Wait...the first time I tried that it hurt like hell, and then you woke up. Why should the second time be different?_

 **I didn't 'wake up', meatling. You simply were not aware of me until now, which prevented us from conversing. The mind cannot interact with something it is unaware of - it's the same principle behind dispelling Genjutsu, actually.**

Naruto wrinkled his forehead trying to understand the reference. He couldn't even get a clone right; Genjutsu was as far beyond him as rocket science.

 **It's not important. When you first tried to split yourself in two, you tried to split ME as well, which you were clearly not powerful enough to do. The resulting backlash made you aware of my presence, and here we are. Indeed, it is such a happy accident that I cannot help but wonder if someone planned it. And, indeed, I can think of one...snake in the grass, shall we say, who might be responsible.**

Naruto didn't quite get it, but hey. If the fox said it would work, he'd give it another try.

 **Just be careful not to try and split me again. Now that you know I'm here, you should be able to avoid my core during the procedure.**

Naruto nodded to the empty air and made the clone seal. Like the fox had said, the wrongness in his stomach didn't seem to interfere as long as he kept his chakra within his body. Slowly, he felt himself starting to split, but he didn't pay much attention to the sensation as he was busy trying to keep the blue chakra lines from touching the red ones...

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto stared at Naruto. It was a strange feeling. At least he had the knowledge of who the primary was imprinted on both of his minds - it would be an existentially terrifying technique without that little feature. (Actually, it was an existentially terrifying technique _anyway_ , but Naruto promptly resolved never to think about that again.)

Although, in his particular case, it wasn't so important - the Kyuubi stayed with the primary, which was hard to miss.

 **Excellent. You aren't quite as incompetent as you look once that seal isn't interfering. Now, it's time we had our first serious discussion. In case you couldn't figure it out, Mizuki is using you to steal these forbidden techniques. He plans to murder you and escape with the scroll, making it look like you absconded with it to become a 12-year-old missing-nin. It is an amateur scheme by an amateur schemer, and was doomed from the start.**

Naruto's mouth fell open in shock. He had, in fact, missed all of that.

 **The Hokage decided to let the fool go through with it, probably in order to entrap him. Why he didn't worry about you getting hurt, I don't know, but I don't share his confidence. Now, here is what you must do to survive...**

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	2. 2 - Rippling Changes

Author's Notes:

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto slumped into bed, emotionally drained. He didn't even have the energy to turn off the lights.

 _What a day. First I learn that the strongest of the tailed beasts is sealed inside of me. Then Mizuki shows up to kill me. Then I have to act surprised when Mizuki tells me about the nine-tails again. Then Iruka-sensei accepts me, and almost dies, and I fight Mizuki, and I turn into 1000 of myself - 1000! - and Iruka-sensei accepts me again, and I actually graduate, and he treats me to a big bowl of Ramen, and somehow the Hokage doesn't even mind that I stole the scroll of forbidden techniques from him. God-DAMN do I deserve a rest._

 **I had almost forgotten. Very well, meat, take your rest.**

 _What, do demons not sleep?_

 **No, passing out and hallucinating for eight hours a day is a trick only you sacks of meat seem to have mastered. Now rest. We have a long day tomorrow.**

Did the Kyuubi almost sound...gentle, there? Naruto shuddered at the thought. He fell asleep, lights still on, clutching Iruka's headband tight.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto slowly drifted into consciousness. His alarm was buzzing. Wait, no, he hadn't set his alarm. That was the Kyuubi screaming at him.

 **FINALLY. BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ. You've had your requisite 8 hours, meatbucket, and it's time to wake up and get to work. You've already wasted 12 years, and we are frighteningly vulnerable to attack. I spent the first 10 minutes after you fell asleep preparing a training regimen, and the rest of the time pondering how much better off the world will be when I've wiped you weak shitstains off of it.**

 _Meatbucket? That's a new one. Good morning to you too, Kyu._

Naruto rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Why was the fox so pissed?

 **Because I'm trapped in a sack of meat. Imagine if you were trapped in a sack of meat - a literal sack, full of stinking pig guts and slimy cow tongues - all the time. And if another sack of meat happened along and nudged your sack of meat a little too hard, you'd die. How happy would you be?**

That didn't actually explain why the fox was MORE pissed now than he had been earlier, but Naruto wasn't going to press the topic. He yawned wide, spreading his arms, and rolled out of bed to face the day.

~o~O~o~O~o~

 _So, you're telling me..._

Naruto paused to slurp up an entire bowl of instant ramen. He didn't need his mouth to think, but eating that much ramen at once was still distracting.

 _You're telling me that if I split into 1000 clones like I did against Mizuki, I can train 1000 times as fast?_

Naruto imagined training like that for a week - i.e. about 20 years of training time - and taking the Hokage name before he turned 13. This was going to ROCK.

 **Not quite. Training with so many clones would break your mind when you merged again. Your weak, meaty brain simply can't process that much information. And it isn't just a matter of multiplication; you need to parallelize the task appropriately, which can be challenging at times.**

 _Ah well. How many can I do then?_

Naruto was still pretty excited.

 **I'd recommend restricting yourself to 4 clones until you are more comfortable with absorbing information in parallel. And you didn't let me finish - any Taijutsu training your clones do will be less effective than normal. Your reflexes will improve, but your muscles won't grow any stronger over time, for the same reason damage sustained by your clones doesn't apply to you once they disappear.**

 **Now, as I was saying, I've prepared a training regimen for you. You will have one clone practice ninjutsu, one clone practice genjutsu, one clone catch up on the basic book learning you spent years blowing off to deface statues, and one clone practice seals. You, of course, will work on taijutsu.**

 _Wait a minute. Seals?_

 **Yes, the theory and practice of hand and written seals. It is usually considered too advanced to teach to Genin, or perhaps simply too dangerous. Some of your classmates may know the basics, however, if they've been taught by their clans.**

 _But I can already do handseals!_

 **You can form handseals, but you do not understand why you form them, which means you can learn the subtleties of the art only through trial and error. Learning more about the underlying theory will probably speed up your ninjutsu training considerably.**

 _Fine, fine. Written seals, though? I'm the badass fighter type, not the bookworm type!_

 **Very well. We will focus on explosive tags and such at first. In time, however, I think you will come to see the wisdom of educating yourself on such matters. Especially since you have a great deal invested in the functioning of one seal in particular.**

Naruto could feel the Kyuubi throw itself against its cage as it said that. A chill ran down his spine. He didn't know how the seal on the Kyuubi's cage worked, and he really wished that he did.

 _Fine. We'll start with the useful stuff and see how it goes._

Naruto hopped up, raring to go. Warm sun was streaming in through the window, and he felt pretty good about his life for the first time in a long time. He started to put on his goggles but then, with a smile, put on his leaf headband instead. With a moment of concentration and a poof - it got easier every time - there were 5 of him.

"Alright! Project Naruto Ultimate Hokage Rush is a GO!" With 5 voices saying the words, it almost sounded badass.

Naruto felt the Kyuubi snort at the name, but the beast held its peace.

~o~O~o~O~o~

There were, of course, complications. Naruto didn't even know where to START learning genjutsu or seals. The Kyuubi said that demons did things differently, so that unfortunately he couldn't be of much help.

The others were easy though. Ninjutsu Naruto would work on the Transformation jutsu, focusing mostly on controlling his chakra despite the inteference of his stomach seal. Book-learning Naruto would use his old schoolbooks. Taijutsu Naruto could take care of himself.

After some discussion (a mildly disconcerting affair, since it was 5 copies of himself doing the discussing), Naruto decided that genjutsu Naruto would seek out Iruka-sensei and try to figure out how to get started.

Seals, however, turned out to be a sticking point.

 **You can NOT go to the Hokage about this, meat. He will interpret your sudden interest in seals as evidence that I am controlling you, in however small a measure. However you go about learning seals, you must make the process appear natural. For now, your seal-learning self will alternate between studying the seals in your schoolbooks carefully and wandering around town. With luck, he will eventually bump into someone who has crafted their own seals, at which point he can invent an excuse to become interested in them and hound the unlucky bastard for tutoring.**

 **Besides, it won't be so bad. Once you have the basics of human sealcraft down, I can lecture you on the more theoretical aspects myself. You only need to find ONE ninja with passable skills who is willing to teach you, and after that everything will fall into place.**

Naruto wasn't so sure that he should keep the demon fox a secret. If the Hokage would be worried to find out that they were talking, maybe Naruto should be worried as well? It went against Naruto's independent and adventurous instincts, but...

 **If the villagers find out that you can talk to me, they will never trust you. They will look at you with those same cold eyes - no, colder eyes - for your entire life. And you will never be Hokage.**

...well...fuck. Naruto knew it was the truth. The young ninja hesitated, but not for long. He could handle this Kyuubi business on his own. He was Naruto Uzumaki!

~o~O~o~O~o~

The Hokage sat alone in his home, a small oil lamp on his desk the only light in the quiet darkness that comes after midnight. If he had known being the strongest in the village involved so much paperwork, he would never have worked so hard, he thought with a rueful smile. Still, there was nothing for it.

Actually, the sheer volume of paperwork wasn't as bad as the contents. He decided, every day, which of the ninja under him to send on the most dangerous missions. He had to think about his friends - no, his family, since the entire village was his family - as tools, at least while he was at this desk. Who was suited to the task? Who was powerful enough to accomplish it? Who was too valuable to the village to risk? It was a hard job, but it had grown easier with time. The thought made him sad. He sometimes wished to return to his youth and innocence, however hard the paperwork had been.

And the children. Good god, the children. It wasn't fair that boys and girls as young as twelve were thrown into the bloody world of the Shinobi. At least they could have happier lives here than in the other villages, but that was cold comfort to the old man at the desk.

Sarutobi sighed. Like the paperwork, there was nothing for it. Some arts were best learnt while young.

He shuffled the papers on his desk, digging out the new Genin roster. It wasn't as depressing as the other paperwork, but it was just as hard. He was responsible for picking team composition, and it was vitally important for the future of the village that he do it correctly. Well-balanced teams with harmonic personalities meant successful missions, happy Genin, and, in time, powerful Chunin.

Most of the team assignments had been easy, but one in particular - Naruto's team - was giving him trouble. He needed the child to be safe. He had considered, in a moment of weakness, giving the Kyuubi's vessel poor teammates and dangerous missions so that he might die and take the demon fox with him. It would be sad, but he had done worse evils for the village he loved. Unfortunately, merely having thought that might be enough for the Kyuubi to be released if Naruto died as a result of the plan. Sarutobi didn't have the 4th's deft touch with seals, so he wasn't sure of his logic, but he wasn't prepared to risk it.

Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura - it made sense. Naruto's brash friendship might bring Sasuke out if his shell, and the young genius would keep his rowdy friend safe on missions. Or maybe they'd hate each other and it would all go to pieces. It was a gamble, but the life of a Shinobi was always a gamble.

Sarutobi was less sure of Sakura. He had seen the way she looked at Sasuke, and had put her on the team as a backup plan if Naruto failed to win his friendship. But she could just as easily annoy Sasuke and drive him deeper into his hatred.

And there was another option. One who might be better for Naruto, and might do better herself. It was a difficult decision, and Sarutobi had gone back and forth on it over and over again.

What finally tipped the scales was his memory of the day Naruto stole the scroll. The boy had seemed so...lucid. He claimed to have worked out Mizuki's plan in the forest, and he had taken the revelation of the beast inside him remarkably well. AND he had mastered a B-rank technique in only a few hours.

Sarutobi nodded to himself. The final deciding factor in favor of Sakura had been her high exam scores, but if Naruto wasn't as dumb as he'd been pretending to be, that was unnecessary. He scribbled "swap Sakura and Hinata" on the roster, put it away, and went back to his work. The lamp on his desk burned long into the night.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto strolled into the classroom, hands behind his head in a relaxed posture. It was Genin team announcement day. His classmates looked at him oddly. They'd all heard he'd failed. That was fine with Naruto. It just meant he'd get to tell them all, loudly, to never underestimate Naruto Uzumaki again!

Smiling, he opened his mouth and did just that.

~o~O~o~O~o~

"Next, team 7. Naruto Uzumaki..."

Naruto perked up. That was him! He could still barely believe it.

"...Sasuke Uchiha..."

That put a bit of a damper on Naruto's good mood. He grimmaced and glared across the room at his new teammate. Sasuke was sitting on the far side of the room, staring moodily out his window. (Which was no mean feat, seeing as how the world outside said window was full of bright sunlight and chirping birds.)

"...and Hinata Hyuga..."

Naruto registered the third name only vaguely. Hinata was that shy girl with the weird eyes, right? Not that bad. Not as bad as _Sasuke_ at any rate. Was he seriously going to be paired with that guy for god-knows-how-many-years? Was there an appeals process? Maybe if he went to the Hokage and made enough of a ruckus...

 **Has that** ** _ever_** **worked for you, meat?**

 _Well..._

 **I mean, honestly, have you considered what sort of precedent it would set? "Yell at the Hokage loudly enough and you get your way!" It would be anarchy in the Leaf.**

 _I was hoping more for "When Naruto shows his true inner strength and determination, the old and foolish geezers of the world see their folly for what it is and-"_

 **WHUP BUP BUP. I'm just going to interrupt you there.**

 _..._

 **...**

 _Any reason, or..._

 **No, no reason. I was just sick of your yammering.**

 _Oh, well, OK then._

Naruto let it slide off his back and craned his head around to look for Hinata. She was hiding in the back, staring at him, but when he made eye contact she let out a small "eep" and looked away. She turned back a moment later, eyes locked firmly on her fingers as she poked them together absently in front of her face. Naruto got the distinct impression that she was hiding behind her hands in the most socially-acceptable way possible. He grinned at her anyway and offered her a big thumbs-up. She smiled back, shakily, then seemed to lose her nerve and turned away again.

The Kyuubi snickered in Naruto's head. Naruto didn't get the joke, so he ignored it and turned back to Sasuke without a second thought. Maybe if he managed to catch the other ninja's eye, he could glare sullenly at him or something. Yeah, _that_ would show him.

~o~O~o~O~o~

All the other Genin had already left with their Jounin instructors. Only Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke were left in the room, waiting for one..."Kakashi".

 **I remember Kakashi. Vaguely. He's more powerful than most of you meatbags, that's for sure.**

Naruto sighed and sunk his head into his arms. He was bored of waiting. He had apparently been put on a team with two quietest Genin in the village. (Well, except for Shino, maybe.) Drumming his fingers in nervous irritation, Naruto considered going over to talk to Hinata, but then he got a better idea.

~o~O~o~O~o~

"U...Uzu...Uzumaki-san..." Hinata began, sounding worried.

"Hey, hey, none of that. Call me Naruto, Hinata-chan!"

Hinata gulped.

"Na...Naruto-san, you really...really shouldn't..."

Naruto finished placing the blackboard eraser above the partially-opened door and hopped to the ground. "Don't worry so much, Hinata-chan."

 **Hm...clever, meat, though not for the reasons you think.**

 _What do you mean by that?_

Just as Naruto hopped to the ground, the door slowly eased open. Kakashi Hatake poked his head in the door, and blinked as something soft fell on his head, blanketing him in fine white dust.

Naruto pointed and laughed uproariously. "You fell for it! HAH!" Ah, that felt good. He hadn't actually expected that to work. Although...wait a minute, why _had_ that worked?

Sasuke looked disgusted, while Hinata looked even more nervous than normal, if that was possible.

Kakashi dusted his head off lightly and turned his head slowly to take in all three of them. "Hmm...how can I say this?" he said, smiling with his eyes (or rather eye). "My first impression is...I don't like you guys!"

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi moved them outside to a wooded balcony. "OK...let's begin with some introductions."

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "What do you want to know?"

"How about your your likes and dislikes. Dreams for the future, hobbies, stuff like that."

"Hey hey hey - that's a little abrupt. Why don't _you_ introduce yourself first?"

"Oh...me? My name is Kakashi Hatake. I have no desire to tell you guys about my likes and dislikes. Dreams for the future? Hmm...well, I have lots of hobbies..."

Naruto frowned. That wasn't saying much. The Kyuubi laughed.

 **Ninja don't give information on themselves too easily. Well, in your case, you've been an idiot for so long that it would be suspicious if you stopped now, but in general it's bad policy. And he made it seem like he's just lazy and unfunny, rather than hiding anything. He isn't too bad.**

Naruto's frown deepened. The Kyuubi thought Kakashi was good, and he was a Jounin, but he'd been caught by that stupid eraser trap...

Something in Naruto's brain clicked.

"And you're good enough to get hit by an eraser, too!"

Hinata averted her gaze awkwardly. She probably thought he was insulting their new sensei.

Kakashi rubbed his chin thoughtfully, eye-smiling again. "Hm...are you making fun of me Naruto?" Suddenly Kakashi's one eye opened, and he stared at Naruto intently. Naruto stared back with a wide grin. "Apparently not. Tell me, do either of you know what he's talking about?"

Hinata shook her head back and forth quickly, like a nervous deer. Sasuke harumphed and looked away, acting bored.

"I see. Naruto, would you care to explain?"

"It's not too complicated, really." Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I just figure that anyone who made Jounin can avoid a simple trap like that. You high-level ninja are certainly fast enough. So if you _didn't_ avoid it, it must be because you knew it wasn't dangerous, and since I can't see how you could've figured that out in the fraction of a second it took to fall, it must've taken a badass ninja skill."

Kakashi nodded.

"Hm...correct! Er, mostly. There's no 'badass ninja skill' you can learn, but it takes many years of training to learn how _not_ to dodge anything that looks remotely threatening. The most dangerous missions for ninja tend to be infiltration and assassination missions, not open combat, and both of those rely on disguise. It's a dead giveaway when a meek accountant does a ninja flip to avoid some kid's prank."

Naruto grinned at him again. "And of course, that begs the question: is the Kakashi you meant to show to us merely a meek accountant compared to the real Kakashi?"

Kakashi gave Naruto a measured glance, then held his head in mock despair. "I can see that teaching you three is going to be an...interesting experience. But you never answered my questions. Let's go right to left." Kakashi was eye-smiling once more, as if the interruption had never happened.

Naruto grinned again. "Well, you apparently already know my name, and I don't know what else, but sure. I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I like instant ramen! What I like even more is the ramen restaurant Iruka-sensei takes me to! What I dislike is waiting 3 minutes for the instant ramen to cook! My dream is to surpass the Hokage! And then, to have all the people of this village acknowledge my existence!"

The young ninja punctuated this by standing up and grabbing his headband. His eyes were filled with fierce determination. Kakashi nodded politely and moved his eyes on to the next pupil before Naruto was even done striking his pose.

Sasuke made everyone wait for a few moments before grunting out a response.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. There are tons of things I dislike but I don't really like anything. And...I don't want to use the word 'dream', but...I have an ambition. The ressurection of my clan, and to kill a certain man."

Kakashi seemed remarkably unfazed by this answer. Apparently homicidal children weren't much cause for alarm in the world of the Shinobi. "OK. And lastly..."

Hinata looked up at him shyly, hands clasped before her. When she spoke, though, her voice lacked its characteristic stutter. "My name is Hinata Hyuga, Hatake-sensei. I like serving the leaf, and my clan. My dream is to grow strong and lead the Hyuga as best I may."

Kakashi nodded, holding his chin. "Good, good. But...hm...I was wondering what _Hinata_ likes, and what she dreams, whereas you have just told me what the Hyuga heiress likes and dreams. Let's try again. Oh, and call me Kakashi."

Kakashi turned back to Sasuke, an awkward jerky movement which seemed to be a pantomime of himself moving in reverse. "OK. And lastly..."

Hinata's eyes darted around like a trapped animal. "Um...my name is Hinata Hyuga, Hata...Ka...Kakashi-sensei, and, um...I like..."

Hinata's stutter was back in full force. Kakashi waited patiently.

"...the person I like...er, no, that is...I like...I like roses in bloom."

The Kyuubi snickered again in Naruto's head. _What's the damn joke already?_ , Naruto thought to himself.

"...and my dr...dream IS to become strong, as strong as...as a certain person. And to lead my clan, and maybe, maybe if it's possible..."

Hinata trailed off, and showed no signs of starting up again. Kakashi nodded, clapping his hands together. "Alright, that's enough of that. We will start our duties tomorrow. First we're going to do something with just the four of us: Survival Training."

Naruto furrowed his brow. "Survival Training?"

Kakashi nodded. "I'm your opponent, but this isn't normal training. You see...of the 27 graduates, only 9 will be chosen as Genin. The rest will be sent back to the Academy."

Naruto's jaw fell open in shock. What? Why had nobody mentioned that before?

Sasuke's brooding glare darkened a bit, but Hinata didn't even flinch. She just smiled a small resigned smile.

 _I'm surprising Hinata isn't flipping out, Kyu. She seems a little too calm._

 **Ah, you noticed? I would wager that most of the clans let their children in on that little bombshell ahead of time. A pity about you and the Uchiha. You know, being unloved orphans and all.**

 _..._

"Anyway, tomorrow you will be graded on the training field, starting at 7AM sharp. Bring all your Shinobi tools. Oh, and skip breakfast, or you'll throw up."

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	3. 3 - Genin Team 7

**BZZ BZZ BZZ. Your 8 hours are up, meatstick. Roll your pudgy, drippy ass out of bed and get to work.**

 _Do you spend the whole night working out new words to put on the end of 'meat'?_

 **No. Now get moving.**

Why was the Kyuubi always so grumpy in the mornings?

 **I'll tell you when you're older. MOVE.**

Naruto yawned, stretched, and rolled out of bed like the ancient fox demon had requested. He grabbed his usual bowl of instant ramen before he remembered what day it was.

 _Shit. Only 9 of us 27 graduates will be chosen as Genin? Shit!_

 **Don't worry your pretty little head of filamentous biomaterial, meat. You're on a team with the heir to the Hyuga clan and the LAST of the Uchiha. 9 out of 27 strongly suggests that 3 teams will pass (although I'm not too sure what they would have done if you HADN'T graduated and they'd had 26 Genin candidates). Those two aren't likely to fail. Even if you fuck up, you'll probably be taken along for the ride.**

 _Huh, Hinata's the heir to the Hyuga clan? I never knew that! She's pretty awesome after all, huh?_

The Kyuubi snickered. His mood at least improved quickly once Naruto was up. **There are a lot of things you don't know about the young Hyuga heiress, meat. But I think I will let you figure them out for yourself. I've had far too little amusement while stuck in here.**

Naruto wasn't sure what that meant, but whatever. He set the Ramen back down and grabbed his forehead protector.

 **What are you doing, idiot? You'll need your energy.**

 _But Kakashi-sensei said not to, since we might throw up..._

 **You're an idiot, idiot. You NEED the energy, and you humans absorb simple carbohydrates at an acceptable speed. You'll have gained most of the benefit of your "breakfast" of ramen by the time you fight Kakashi. If you're truly worried about throwing up in the middle of battle, you can use your own fingers and preempt him before you start.**

Naruto didn't quite get it, but he wasn't about to pass up a plausible excuse to eat more ramen.

~o~O~o~O~o~

"OK, it's set for noon." Kakashi stepped back from the kitsch ninja timer he'd brought with him and surveyed his three young pupils.

"Here are two bells. Your task is to take these from me before noon. Those who can't get a bell by noon get no lunch."

Naruto facepalmed. Hinata and Sasuke looked horrified. The Kyuubi snickered.

 _So THAT'S why he told us not to eat breakfast!_

Naruto felt betrayed.

 **A silly plan. He must enjoy playing with children.**

"You only need to get one bell. There are only two, so one of you will definitely be going hungry. Oh, and by the way, anyone who doesn't get a bell fails. So at least one of you will be sent back to the Academy today."

 **Hm...perhaps I read this test wrong. But 1/3 being sent back won't get them down to 9 Genin. Something's up. It might be a bluff, but we can't count on that. I wasn't planning on having to compete AGAINST the two great Dojutsu of the leaf...**

Naruto wondered, briefly, why the Kyuubi was so invested in him becoming a ninja. The fox probably wasn't helping out of the kindness of its heart...

 **Hah! Hardly, meat. I'm sure you'll figure it out for yourself, given enough time, but it hardly matters - our interests are aligned, for now.**

"You can even use your Shuriken. You won't succeed unless you come at me intending to kill. Now, start when I say..."

Naruto bent his knees, unslinging a Kunai form his belt. Sasuke and Hinata went through their own little readying patterns, but Kakashi just stood there, looking relaxed and a little bored.

"OK, let's get going. Ready...START!" As Kakashi yelled the crucial word, everyone leapt away in different directions.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto's instinct was to stand and fight Kakashi head-on, but the Kyuubi was rather...insistent that he find a place to hide. ( **I swear to god, meat, if we fail this test and end up as a baker for the rest of our lives because you're too much of an idiot to even PRETEND to be a ninja I will make the alarm noise 24-7 for the rest of your miserable existence.** )

Naruto settled in a tree, peering out from between the branches. Kakashi had moved far enough away to let Naruto escape, but then stopped in the middle of the clearing they had started in.

 **Don't be fooled, meat. He knows exactly where you are. Did you notice that bird flapping away in the tree next to us? If an animal knows you're here, a good ninja certainly does.**

 _Fuck._

 **Don't worry, this is a test, not a battle. If it were a battle you'd be dead. Now, if there are two bells, you need a teammate. I recommend the Hyuga, even if the Uchiha is probably more powerful. He doesn't seem like the type that works well in groups.**

Kakashi, seemingly oblivious to the three young, armed, and desperate ninja crouching in the forest around him, pulled out some sort of perverted novel and began to read.

 **Hmph. He's baiting you. Not very well, but he IS up against children after all. Now, go find the Hyuga.**

 _How am I supposed to do that? She's as well-hidden as I am!_

 **Which is to say, not at all. Think, meat, which direction did she jump?**

 _Er..._

The Kyuubi sighed. **Watch for that next time. She jumped straight backward. Very standard; no need to change direction, and your front is always toward the enemy. It's easiest to hide in the few moments while everyone else is still moving, so she's probably in the narrow strip of forest immediately behind her but within 20 feet of the clearing.**

Naruto, using what little ninja training he actually had, crept slowly along the branch of his tree and waited for the wind to blow. When it did, he jumped to the tree opposite him, hoping the rustling would hide his movement.

 **Good, meat, good. Keep going.**

About 120 seconds after Kakashi had yelled "START", Naruto was near where he thought Hinata was hiding.

He cast his eyes around frantically, but couldn't seem to find her.

 **It won't be THAT easy. You really need to practice your observational skills. We'll set genjutsu Naruto on that when we get back, it's a related skill. For now, though, you need to get her to move.**

Naruto thought about it for a second. That didn't sound too hard.

"HINATA-CHAN!", he yelled as loudly as he could. There was a frightened "eep" from somewhere near him, and a tiny rustle of leaves. That was all he needed; an instant later he was down next to Hinata, holding his hand over her mouth and making a shushing noise with his finger.

 **Well, that was...unconventional, but given the non-lethal nature of the exercise, probably OK. Don't ever attempt that in a real battle, meat.**

Hinata was looking incredibly nervous, but Naruto couldn't figure out why. She was breathing quickly and a flush was creeping into her cheeks. At least she wasn't struggling.

There was a whir overhead, and several shuriken thunked into a tree above Naruto's head. This didn't seem to calm Hinata down much.

 **Hmph. He appears to be playing with you. Not that a few Shuriken would be much to worry about anyway; all the chakra coursing through you ninjas makes you a little more difficult to kill than normal meat.**

Naruto wasn't really paying attention to the Kyuubi right now; he was dashing for another bush, pulling Hinata along by the wrist. Or rather, he would have been pulling her along if she wasn't outpacing him. _Wow, she's in pretty good shape._

 **You really don't know anything about your classmates, do you, meat? We'll do a rundown of the abilities and tactics of the major leaf clans when we get back.**

Naruto knew that Kakashi could probably see them as plain as day, but he seemed to be respecting the pretense that they were hidden. It WAS training, after all. When you were training a dog to speak, you gave it a treat even if it couldn't form human words.

 **A rather cynical thought. We might make a decent Shinobi of you yet!**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi was toying with Sasuke. The two of them were engaged in a "taijutsu lesson" which seemed to consist of Sasuke trying to murder Kakashi with anything available while Kakashi read his book and dodged.

Naruto turned to Hinata where they hid under yet another bush (it was a long story involving lots of pointy things). "Alright, Hinata-chan! We can do this. There are two bells, and two of us, which is perfect. That bastard Sasuke can go back to Ninja School and train for a while longer!" The thought of Sasuke stuck back in classes with a disappointed Iruka-sensei made Naruto happier than he cared to admit.

Hinata nodded. "Um...Uzuma...Naruto-san, wouldn't we h...have...have a better chance if we worked with Sasuke too?"

 **She has a point, meat. If you could trust both of them, the ideal strategy would be to team up on Kakashi and then fight it out amongst yourselves for the bells.**

Naruto thought for a bit. "Well, since our plan would probably be to swarm Kakashi, and Sasuke's already fighting him, in a way we ARE working with Sasuke. So let's go!"

~o~O~o~O~o~

"Alright," said Naruto, his voice a little muffled by his newly bruised and swollen lips. "Let's try another plan."

Hinata hadn't attacked Kakashi with quite the same enthusiasm as Naruto, so she only had a few bruises to show, but she was also convinced that a frontal assault was probably useless. She hadn't even bothered bringing out her Byakugan; if she couldn't touch her sensei, there was no point wasting chakra on it.

Sasuke had retreated as well, but to the other side of the forest. Kakashi was reading his book again. Naruto was getting angry.

 **Think, meat. There is an art to triumphing over more powerful enemies. Now, consider carefully but quickly: why is he beating you? And what, if anything, can you do about it?**

 _God dammit, can't you just tell me what to do? We don't have time for this!_

 **I can't do everything for you, meat. For one thing, you have to be able to put up a good front, or people will begin to guess that I am behind you. And now that you have clones gathering information, information which I am unable to observe, the key hint to a future puzzle may well lie in your memory rather than mine. This test is well within your capabilities, so stop wasting time and THINK.**

Naruto decided to think out loud for Hinata's benefit.

"Let's see...Kakashi-sensei's basically winning because he's more powerful."

Hinata looked at him strangely. Naruto felt the Kyuubi stifle a sigh.

"Hey, give me a break, I'm new to this. No, not you Hinata. Don't worry about it. Alright, let's be more specific: Kakashi is twice our age, so he has way more experience than us at ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu. He also has a fully-developed adult body."

Naruto scratched his chin for a moment.

"Let's see. We have the advantage of numbers, that's one thing! And I know the Shadow Clone, and can actually perform it pretty well since...well, nevermind why. What can you do, Hinata?"

"Er..." said Hinata. She shifted nervously under Naruto's gaze. "W...well, I have the Byakugan, obviously, but aside from that..."

"The Byakugan? Sounds cool. What is it?"

 **You really are clueless, aren't you, meat. We are DEFINITELY reviewing the major leaf clans when we get back.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **It's a good thing Kakashi is having so much fun playing with Sasuke. God but it takes you meatwads forever to flap your meat at each other and come to a decision.**

It was roughly 600 seconds after Kakashi had said "START".

 _What, demons don't talk to each other?_

 **We can discuss demon culture later, meat. Focus.**

 _You're the one who interrupted!_

 **FOCUS.**

Naruto sighed. Hinata had just explained the Byakugan to him, and it sounded awesome, but it wasn't much use if she couldn't land a hit on Kakashi, as she probably couldn't.

"Why don't you fire it up anyway, Hinata-chan. It sounds like it will give us some warning if we have to defend ourselves."

"Er...it takes some chakra to maintain, and since I'm new to it I would need to expend more than normal. I'd run out quickly."

"Damn. Hmm..."

 _Advantage of numbers...land a hit..._

 **Yes, meat?**

"I've got it! I'll use my Shadow Clone jutsu, then use the Transformation jutsu to make myself look like 1000 Hinatas, and Kakashi won't know which one is which! Then she can get close and get a hit in!"

 **Meat, your Transformation jutsu is abysmal, remember? Kakashi would see through your deception like an empty window-pane**

"Hm...damn, that won't work...wait, no, it's fine! Hinata, you just transform into ME instead, then get close and land a hit!"

Hinata looked skeptical about the "1000 clones" bit, but she wasn't about to argue with Naruto.

The Kyuubi said nothing, which Naruto took as encouragement.

"Alright! Let's go!"

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi was impressed. Sasuke was _incredible_ for a rookie Genin. He had managed to touch one of the bells by himself using only taijutsu, then he had pulled out a Fireball Jutsu, of all things! Kakashi had needed to go underground to dodge the fireball - he really hadn't been expecting anything like that.

Now, though, Sasuke was buried in the ground up to his head. It was a surprisingly useful technique; the victim couldn't make hand seals, which limited their options for escape. It wasn't much use against stronger ninja, who could just break out with raw force, but against rookie Genin it was a finishing move.

Not that Sasuke wasn't trying. He looked pissed, and the cords in his neck were pulled taught from his attempts to rip himself out of the earth.

Kakashi hadn't been paying much attention to the other two Genin, but he was tracking their location with an entirely unconscious portion of his mind. They were lurking just out of sight in the trees. Suddenly, there was a rush of movement, and Kakashi turned to see what was going on.

His one exposed eye widened visibly in surprise at the wave of Narutos flowing toward him. For one thing, it was a literal _wave_ ; there were so many of them that their movement seemed to be governed by fluid dynamics. They rolled toward him, jostling and jumping over each other wildly, spreading out like water spilling from a dam.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata ran toward Kakashi disguised in the pack of Narutos. She wasn't quite sure what to think. There was a voice inside her head, though - a sort of inner Hinata - and it seemed much less perplexed.

 **Hell yeah! It seems like that Naruto brat isn't all talk after all. These are solid clones, too! Maybe if we're real nice to him he'll teach us his secret technique. Wouldn't that flip dad's mind?**

Hinata blushed at the idea.

 **God, does anything** ** _not_** **make us blush?**

 _But...I mean, he..._

 **SHUT UP. And pay attention, we're almost to Kakashi. If we screw this up, it's back to Ninja School instead of several blissful years chasing cats and other D-rank critters with our crush.**

Hinata's resolve hardened. Her mouth grew tight, and with a surge of chakra to her eyes - still masked by the Transformation jutsu, of course - her Byakugan burst to the surface in a swell of enlarged veins.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi noticed, in an absentminded way, that one of the Narutos was being slightly more careful about not bumping into the others. Powerful ninjas noticed many things, without that notice ever percolating up to their conscious mind. There are simply too many anomalies, too many parts of daily life that are subtly abnormal, for the conscious mind to notice and address all of them.

But Kakashi's subconscious had marked that one Naruto as a person of interest. And so, when that Naruto closed in around him, he slowly rotated to keep his vision on it. And when that Naruto suddenly slid into a gentle fist stance, it might as well have flashed bright red and yelled out "I AM HINATA HYUGA".

Kakashi didn't have long to react. He had a kunai in his hand which he had been using to pop the other clones like balloons. With a flick of his wrist, the kunai flew through the air and caught the Hyuga heiress on the shoulder.

She went down with a shrill scream, and Kakashi wondered briefly whether he'd just done something very stupid. But ah well. There was nothing for it now but to follow through.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto watched in horror as Hinata fell to the forest floor. He felt sick in his gut; he'd never actually seen someone's flush punctured by a kunai before. (Well, he'd seen a few small cuts in practice, but nothing like this.)

A moment later he saw Kakashi loose a barrage of small projectiles, and the small girl at his feet was shredded into a bloody pulp. The screaming stopped abruptly. Naruto's mind blanked, and his stomach lurched; suddenly he was on the ground throwing up his breakfast.

 **Meat...MEAT!**

Naruto slowly became aware of the Kyuubi yelling at him.

 **It's GENJUTSU, you idiot! Kakashi isn't going to KILL THE HEIR TO THE HYUGA CLAN in some bullshit rookie training! Now get yourself together before-**

Kakashi was standing over Naruto with a sympathetic look on his face. Naruto hadn't seen him traverse the intervening distance. All of Naruto's clones were gone.

"Well well well, I must say I'm impressed. I heard from the Hokage that you had mastered the Shadow Clone jutsu, but a thousand clones...where did you get that much chakra, I wonder?"

Kakashi eye-smiled.

 **Act like an idiot, idiot. Don't let him know you know.**

Naruto sprang to his feet. "I told you I was awesome! Now shut up and fight me! I'm not going to fall for your stupid genjutsu tricks!"

Kakashi looked pointedly at the vomit on Naruto's shoes.

"I did tell you not to eat breakfast, you know."

Naruto growled, and decided to go with his original plan from back when Kakashi had yelled start. He lept at Kakashi like a feral animal before the Kyuubi could remind him why it was a stupid idea.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata and Sasuke sat on the forest floor, eating their lunches in silence. Hinata looked dejected, and was nursing her shoulder. Sasuke looked disgusted, perhaps with himself, perhaps with his teammates.

Naruto was tied to a stump, squirming against his ropes. Kakashi had said he wasn't to get any lunch, as punishment for violating a direct order and eating breakfast. He'd left the other two to eat, and told them they'd have another chance at the bells when they were done.

 _Great plan there, Kyu, with the breakfast and all!_

 **Hey, it's not my fault you freaked out at that Genjutsu. I forgot how fragile the minds of newly-pubescent humans are.**

 _Hmph. Since when do demons "forget" things? We'll never get the bells now! I'm already so hungry..._

Naruto's stomach growled plaintively. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he got an idea.

"Hey! Hey! Guys!"

Hinata looked up at him sadly. She thought she'd missed her one chance to be with Naruto, because of her own weakness. But years of repeated failure had taught her to bear it well, so she only looked a little sad. Deep down, she had never really thought she was good enough to be a ninja.

Sasuke continued eating his lunch, but Naruto thought he was listening.

"I've got it. Sasuke, listen, Hinata-chan and I were talking earlier about how we could kick Kakashi's ass. He's way stronger than us, so we were trying to figure out what advantages we had."

Sasuke paused, then nodded once, and said his first words to Naruto since their arrival: "sensible".

"So we thought, hey, we outnumber him and Hinata has the Byakugan. But we missed something that was right under our nose the whole time."

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow, and Hinata's face lit up with a desperate hope.

"You see, Kakashi-sensei doesn't want to kill us!" Hinata's face fell, and Sasuke regained his bored look.

"No, no, listen! He'll be in so much trouble if he kills the last Uchiha, or the Hyuga heir, that there's no way he'll do that over some silly test. So all we have to do is come up with a situation where he has to choose between killing us and giving us the bells, and he'll give us the bells!"

Sasuke harumphed and turned away. Hinata poked her fingers together nervously in front of her face. "But...but what kind of plan would do that, Naruto?"

"Erm...well, we'll think of something! We have all of lunch to plan!"

Naruto's stomach growled again.

 **That...is** ** _not_** **the plan I had in mind, meat, but I suppose it may work. You must be** ** _very_** **careful, however. Even a powerful ninja can make mistakes, and you aren't any more interested in dying over a bell than Kakashi is in killing you over a training exercise.**

Naruto screwed up his face in thought. His stomach growled AGAIN. God, but he was hungry, it was screwing with his concentration...

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata picked away at her lunch, unsure of what to do.

 **Oh come on. Whatever plan he comes up with will be STUPID. If something goes wrong, we might die, and then we won't be a ninja anyway. Even if everything goes right, we STILL won't get a bell, because Sasuke will take one and we won't be able to deny Naruto the other one.**

 _But...if I could help Naruto fulfill his dream..._

 **Look, I know we love to emo out sometimes and dream about killing ourselves for Naruto's sake, but seriously, NO. VETO.**

Hinata sighed, looking down at her lunch. Maybe she could just...

 **Don't even think about it. Kakashi-sensei said we would FAIL if we gave him any food. It's not worth it just to get one of those idiotic smiles. Not that they aren't...well...**

Hinata started blushing again at the thought of Naruto's easy, confident smile. How she wished that she had a smile like that...

Naruto's voice broke into her little world.

"Sasuke, what are you doing? Kakashi-sensei will fail you! I'm not that hungry, really!"

Naruto's stomach chose that moment to grumble angrily.

Sasuke was holding out his half-finished lunch with a bored look on his face. "Don't worry, I don't sense him near here. After lunch we'll work together and get the bells."

Hinata looked up at Sasuke, her face showing a mixture of shame and raw shock.

Sasuke answered her unasked question: "Without food, he'll just be in the way, and that will only hurt us."

Hinata didn't think she could live with herself if she just sat there and ate the rest of her lunch. Over her inner self's vociferous objections, she held her lunch up to Naruto as well, eyes closed and cheeks aflame.

Naruto grinned. "Thanks guys, but...well, I'm still sorta tied up here. You'll have to feed me, Hinata-chan!"

Before Hinata had time to process that, there was an explosion of dirt and smoke next to them. Hinata cried out and threw herself to the ground. When she looked up, a very-angry Kakashi was standing over them.

"YOU GUYS..!"

Hinta closed her eyes, waiting for the final blow to fall. It wouldn't be so bad, not being a ninja. Her father would disown her, or maybe force her to become a branch member, but it would be OK, everything would be OK, she knew she was never going to make it anyway...

"...PASS!"

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	4. 4 - Perfect Transformation

Naruto turned and tossed as he fell asleep. Kakashi's last words after passing them kept echoing in his mind. "A ninja must see underneath the underneath." That was great and all, but what if you couldn't even see the plain-old, regular underneath?

Naruto was angry. He'd passed, but it had been luck. He'd finally managed to figure out a framework for a plan to beat Kakashi, but it had been too late. If that had been a real battle...

Well, he'd show them. Next time, he'd do it perfectly. Perfect plan, perfect execution, perfect victory. The Hokage name deserved that much from him.

Relaxing, he finally drifted off.

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **BZZ BZZ BZZZZZZZZZZ. You spent 20 minutes longer than normal falling asleep last night, meatbeast. Now stop decomposing slowly in your bed, get up, and DO SOME TRAINING. As you finally figured out last night, if that had been a real battle, WE'D BE DEAD. You're too dumb to live much longer unless you get up and get to work RIGHT NOW.**

The Kyuubi was in an unusually good mood today.

 **Well, despite your pathetic showing, you DID pass the Genin test. We're one step closer to our goal.**

Naruto paused. That had been bothering him, actually. What was the Kyuubi's goal? He had a sinking feeling that he knew.

 _Kyu...do you want me to become a powerful ninja so that someone from the leaf who doesn't understand the seal will kill me out of fear?_

There was a brief pause before the Kyuubi answered. When it did, its normal early-morning anger was gone.

 **Yes, meat, I do. While our interests may be aligned for now, we are NOT friends. The same may be said of many you work with in your career as a Shinobi. Never forget that.**

 _And why do you think I should just go along with this?_

 **Because, meat, I know your heart's desire. To become strong, to be given the name Hokage, and to be acknowledged by all the villagers. You've certainly shouted it enough times by now. The path to that dream starts with becoming a powerful Shinobi. Even knowing my aims, can you truly bring yourself to refuse my help?**

Naruto knew the beast had him. But still...

 **Besides, our interests are aligned in yet another way. If you are killed by an enemy, rather than by your own village, I will die along with you. Right now, the greatest threat to your survival is an attack by another village which fears that the leaf might use me as a weapon. Until you are SIGNIFICANTLY stronger, assassins from the leaf aren't much of a worry.**

Naruto nodded to himself. It made sense. But then Kakashi's words from yesterday came back to him once again. "A ninja must see underneath the underneath..."

 **Ah, yes, a real gem of a saying. It captures so much in so few words.**

 _But what does it mean?_

The Kyuubi gave a resigned sigh.

 **It means, meat, that when ninja fight, deception is layered upon deception.**

 _Huh?_

 **Let me give you an example. Say that you are doing reconnaissance in a small town, with a merchant persona as your cover. This reconnaissance requires sneaking around at night, but you worry that some of the townsfolk around you will notice that you aren't in your hotel room at the right times.**

Naruto nodded. Years of sneaking around pulling pranks had taught him that NOT being somewhere could be as incriminating as being somewhere.

 **Yes, you actually have something of a talent for sneaking around. An admirable trait in a ninja. But let us return to our example. I would advise a ninja in that situation to concoct a ruse - an illicit dalliance, a shady deal - some reason to be caught outside his hotel at night. He might even try, fumblingly, to hide it if he is caught. If it is nothing too illegal, the worst that will happen is that he will have to pay some money to keep the right people quiet.**

Naruto wrinkled his brow. It was a twisty way of thinking, but it made sense. If the ninja was caught, everyone would be satisfied with learning his fake secret, and wouldn't feel the need to look any deeper.

 **Exactly. Now, against a seasoned ninja, such an amateur ruse would be worthless. Even having found, say, an adulterer lying underneath the surface of an honest merchant, the ninja would seek to look underneath the underneath. In most cases, there would be nothing there, as adulterers are more common than enemy ninjas. But the few times that there IS a secret lying underneath the first secret - the few times an enemy ninja is uncovered, alone in enemy territory, conducting a secret mission - well, those times pay for all the rest many times over.**

Naruto took some time to absorb this.

 _Is there ever anything underneath the 'underneath the underneath'?_

 **Regular people hardly ever have anything underneath the underneath in the first place, let alone reaching 3 layers of deception. Among Shinobi, it is...well, if not common, at least a plausible concern. 4 layers is rare, and 5 all but unheard of except when my kind are involved.**

 _Are demons really that tricky?_

For some reason the Kyuubi found that very funny. After almost a minute of uproarious laughter, he finally settled back down.

 **Demons play a...different sort of game. You will come to understand this better in time, I am sure. When you are not quite so deficient in the basics of treachery, perhaps I will explain the idea of a Xanatos Gambit to you.**

Naruto sat for a long time, pondering. He knew the Kyuubi could read his thoughts, but he asked explicitly anyway.

 _So, basically, there's almost certainly a deeper secret underneath your secret plan to have me become a powerful ninja and be assasinated by a rogue leaf ninja?_

 **That would be the obvious implication, yes. But you are a thousand years too early to play this game with me, meat, so I would suggest that for now you focus on what I have to teach you. When you are not so wildly outmatched in wits and experience, there might be some challenge in playing the game of secrets with you.**

Naruto was ready to leave his apartment at this point. He had learned the trick of going about his daily activities while talking to the Kyuubi, which made life a lot easier. His face suddenly split into a wide, toothy grin. It was his first day of training with Genin team 7!

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi listened patiently as his students explained where they were in their training.

Sasuke seemed to be doing phenomenally well on his own. Hinata...well, her clan was far better equipped to train her than he was. She had a taijutsu regimen and he wasn't going to mess with it. She would join them for ninjutsu and projectile practice, though.

Naruto was a trickier case. The boy had explained the clone-based training regimen that he had adopted for the past few days, and it sounded roughly correct to Kakashi. (He had heard an altered history, of course, where Naruto had started with 5 clones and gone down one after getting a headache when they merged.)

"You're lucky you didn't try it with 1000 clones, Naruto. You'd be a gibbering vegetable by now."

"Eh, I can only sustain 1000 clones for a minute or so. I'm not sure I could do more than 10 if I had to keep them around for a whole day."

 _By the way, why is that Kyu? I'm sure you have more chakra than that!_

 **I do, meat, but it would fry your chakra pathways if I let you have it. As your own chakra grows, you will be able to handle more of mine as well.**

Kakashi rubbed his chin. It was a reasonable starting point. The relevant clone could join the main group for whatever they were practicing, unless it involved enough force to pop the clone, in which case Naruto-prime would have to take a break from taijutsu.

"Alright, kiddies. We'll begin with ninjutsu. Now, show me your E-rank techniques so I know where we're starting."

~o~O~o~O~o~

With a flourish, Kakashi finished his chart. (He had produced an easel and markers from who-knows-where about a minute ago.) "OK. Here's where you all are, roughly."

 **NAME | Transformation | Body Replacement | Clone**

 **Sasuke | A | A | A**

 **Hinata | B | B | A**

 **Naruto | D | C | F**

Naruto gaped at the chart. Was he really that bad?

 **You really are, meat. Your Body Replacement is passable - most of the technique is just pumping your muscles up with chakra so that you're fast enough to do the replacement. There's a tiny bit of disguise-ninjutsu performed on the object at the end, however, and the seal interferes as usual. Same with your Transformation jutsu; you try to project some chakra to disguise yourself, seal interferes. The normal Clone technique...well, for you, it's probably a lost cause.**

Naruto scratched the back of his head, looking annoyed. Hinata seemed a little disappointed in him, which stung more than he would have expected. The Kyuubi snickered.

Kakashi was giving him a very...nonchalant look. "Tell me, Naruto, do you know why your scores are so bad?"

 **NO, meat, you do NOT know. You know about me because Mizuki told you, but you don't know much about the seal. Remember that.**

"Er...because my control is bad, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi continued to look him in the eyes for another moment, and Naruto kept his face blank. Finally, Kakashi nodded.

"Yup. For whatever reason, your chakra control degenerates rapidly the further from yourself you have to project it."

Kakashi turned to Hinata while Naruto processed that.

"Hinata, your Clone jutsu is perfect. I take it the Hyuga emphasize that?"

Hinata nodded shyly. "It...it's useful, for the gentle fist I mean."

Kakashi eye-smiled at her in a friendly way. "And you do it quite well. Your Transformation and Body Replacement are almost as good, but you need to clean up the edges of your illusions a bit. They tend to waver."

Finally, Kakashi turned his attention to the last Uchiha. Sasuke seemed bored.

"You've got the three E-rank techniques down-pat, Sasuke. I'm impressed. You should go practice your Fireball Jutsu on your own while I work with Hinata and Naruto."

Sasuke looked briefly surprised, but then nodded smugly and turned his back on them.

 **Clever.**

 _Who? Sasuke? We all know he's a genius._

 **No, Kakashi. The young Uchiha is a bit...prideful. Acknowledging his power, his strength, will let Kakashi get close to him.**

Something clicked in Naruto's head. _Oh._

 **Yes. And further, he will be able to offer Sasuke the promise of training apart from the group, of being special, whenever he wishes to spur the young Uchiha to greater heights in a particular field.**

Naruto was fascinated by the commentary, but Kakashi had turned back to him and Hinata, so the young ninja wrenched his attention back to the external world.

"Alright, you two. Naruto, unless you seriously improve your chakra control, the Clone jutsu will be beyond you and your Body Replacement jutsu won't improve much further. So the only thing for you to work on is your transformations. Hinata, your Transformation and Body Replacement jutsus have the same flaw: your illusions. So practicing transformations should be good for you as well. You two work on that together for a while."

Kakashi promptly pulled out "Come Come Paradise" and flopped down under a tree.

Naruto facepalmed. "HEY! Hey, pervert-sensei, what are you doing? We need some training over here!"

Kakashi turned the page of his book, not looking up. "You two both know the basics of the technique. Transform into a form the other knows well, point out the errors in each other's technique, and then do it again."

Naruto sighed and turned to Hinata. Hinata stared down at her feet, smiling but not meeting his eyes. Naruto flashed her one of his trademark grins anyway. "We don't need that old pervert anyway, Hinata-chan! So, what do you want to transform into?"

~o~O~o~O~o~

After a reminder from the Kyuubi, Naruto split off four clones and went to practice Taijutsu by himself. The ninjutsu-clone he left with Hinata made very one-sided smalltalk while the seals-clone (who really didn't have all that much to do) ran back to town and got a mirror from Naruto's apartment. You know, to make sure they got the fine details right.

Hinata had suggested the idea, and it certainly made a lot of sense, but she had second thoughts as she lined up opposite Naruto. _DOG-BOAR-RAM-POOF_!

Hinata had third thoughts, as well, when she saw what Naruto thought she looked like. No, that wasn't fair, he was just bad at the technique...

 **Bullshit. He thinks we look like a cow.**

 _I...I'm not sure of that, I mean..._

 **A cow with small teats. Seriously, is that boy blind?**

Naruto was looking at her very closely, which made Hinata blush.

"Hmm...my muscles aren't quite that big, Hinata. And I'm a little shorter. And my jaw is less...chiseled? I'm not sure what the word is."

Hinata blushed even harder at the mistakes. Fortunately, the illusion she put up didn't reflect that unless she willed it to.

 **Damn, maybe we should just put up a transformation of OURSELF all the time so we don't look quite so easy.**

Hm. Actually, that wasn't such a bad idea...Hinata would have to look into it.

"Alright, Hinata-chan. What's wrong with my transformation?" Hinata could tell from his voice that Naruto was smiling, but his transformed body had the same fake, waxy expression it had started with. She pushed down her slightly-offended feelings and took a deep breath. This what what she'd always wanted - a chance to help Naruto train! She was going to be as specific as possible so that he could master the technique.

 **Yeah, that's what all the boys love. Precise and detailed analysis of their mistakes.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

After about 2 hours of hard work, Naruto's Hinata-transformation was no longer quite as obviously fake. Hinata was having to get into finer details, which was proving...uncomfortable.

"Um...my face doesn't have quite that much fat on it, Naruto. And I don't have pupils."

Naruto redid the face.

"Better. And...um...that is..."

 **See? A good self-transformation and you wouldn't look like an overripe tomato right now.**

"And what, Hinata-chan?" Naruto was hanging on her every word. He really did take training seriously. Hinata hardened her resolve. This was more important than her embarrassment!

"My breasts are a little...um...bigger."

Hinata pointed at the tiny, tiny protrusions on the front of Naruto's transformation. Naruto nodded gravely, and a moment later was sporting a pair of roughly the right size.

The sudden growth brought his new anatomical features into contact with Hinata's finger, and the tactile portion of the Transformation jutsu made it feel like she'd just poked a big bowl of Jell-O.

"Eep! And they don't feel like that!" Hinata pulled her hand back like it had been stung. It was already incredibly strange seeing a distorted version of herself without bits of it feeling like a gelatinous desert item.

A second later Hinata realized that she'd said. Her cheeks started burning and she developed a keen interest in her fingernails, which she was poking together a few inches from her face.

Naruto consided this carefully, all business. "Damn. I did a lot of research on that for my Hentai No Jutsu, too. Breasts jiggle like Jell-O, so I figured they must feel like it too. What DO they feel like, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata's brain wasn't functioning very well. Every time it tried to process once part of what Naruto had said, it got hung up on another part.

 _He has a technique called Hentai No Jutsu? What is that? Wait, he did RESEARCH? Wait, do breasts really jiggle like Jell-O? I guess I can see the comparison. Wait, what sort of research would teach him that? WAIT, HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT MY BREASTS FEEL LIKE?_

 **Hey, this is the opportunity we've been waiting for! Don't blow it. Just say, calmly and casually, 'oh, here, Naruto, let me show you', then take his hand...**

Hinata's brain overheated and shut down, leaving her sputtering and fidgeting frantically.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto felt like he was missing something. The Kyuubi had been laughing, on and off, since a little bit after he'd transformed. Since Hinata had first poked his breasts and started blushing, the Kyuubi had been laughing non-stop. "Howling" was a better word for it, actually. If Naruto had taken the time to hop down into the sewer, he wouldn't be surprised if the Kyuubi was literally lying on its back, legs flailing helplessly in the air while it laughed itself silly.

Naruto didn't get it. Hinata seemed to be off in her own world. Was it something he'd said? He replayed the words in his head, but couldn't think of anything. Hm...actually, sometimes adults reacted strangely to his Hentai No Jutsu, spurting blood out of their noses and falling over and the like. But just MENTIONING it had never gotten him anything but dirty looks before.

Maybe it was the breasts? Women seemed to cover them up when he was near - that's what had made researching his Hentai No Jutsu so hard.

Yeah, that might be it. Actually...thinking about Hinata's breasts was making his face feel a little warm. Thinking about how they felt...well...wait, was he blushing too? It was like a virus!

 _Kyu, what's going on?!_

The demon fox's laughter redoubled.

Well, there was only one other person nearby to ask...

~o~O~o~O~o~

It was remarkable how quickly things had spiraled out of control, Kakashi thought to himself. Had the Hyuga girl planned this, and then lost her nerve at the last moment? She didn't SEEM like the type, but she HAD been making eyes at Naruto...

 _Wait, these are just kids. They're 12. No way in hell she's trying to seduce him._

Kakashi noticed that Naruto was now blushing too. Fuck.

The real problem was that Kakashi wasn't sure what to tell them. Being able to adopt female disguises WAS an important skill for a ninja. But Hinata was clearly suffering some sort of meltdown at the idea. More importantly, what would her father say about all this?

Surprisingly enough, that made the decision easy. Kakashi knew exactly what the famously strict Hiashi Hyuga would say.

"Kakashi-sensei, what's wrong with Hinata?" asked Naruto from a few feet away.

Kakashi looked up from his book. He probably hadn't been fooling anyone by pretending to read; the young ninja was surprisingly perceptive. Kakashi noted, absentmindedly, that Iruka hadn't mentioned anything about that.

Kakashi put on his most innocent eye smile and tried to figure out what to say.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata's brain was slowly rebuilding itself. Wait, was Naruto blushing too? He couldn't possibly...

 **Yes he could. We've got him.**

Naruto and Kakashi were talking about something, but Hinata wasn't paying attention. She was too busy staring at Naruto's still-mildly-red face and hoping.

 **You know, we wouldn't have to hope if we would just TAKE SOME INITIATIVE FOR ONCE. Seriously. Take his hand, and-**

Hinata shook her head back and forth to drive away the thought. She would shrivel up and die of embarrassment if she tried something like that.

Finally, with great force of will, she managed bring herself back to reality. Kakashi was just finishing up. "...and that, in summary, is why some girls will get embarrassed when you talk about their breasts. Other common responses will include hitting you or running home and telling their parents (who will then hit you)."

Naruto nodded, hand on his chin, looking like he was trying to wrap his head around quantum mechanics. "I see. I think I get it, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi leaned back against his tree in relief. "Great. That really shouldn't have taken so long, or required so much detailed background exposition, but whatever. As long as you get it. Now, Hinata..."

Hinata made anti-eye-contact. Where she had previously been looking away from Naruto's eyes in roughly the direction of Kakashi, she now turned to look away from Kakashi's eyes in roughly the direction of a moss-covered boulder. Kakashi decided to interpret that as having grabbed her attention.

"...I know it's probably embarassing. But I think you also know how your father would feel if I allowed you to put your personal feelings before your team's training..."

Hinata, hope surging, managed a tiny nod in Kakashi's direction.

Kakashi turned back to his book, keeping his face carefully straight. "Great. Naruto, you should find out what Hinata's breasts feel like. For training."

Naruto's cheeks turned a little rosier - nowhere near Hinata's tomato-red color, but noticeable. He turned toward the young girl and gulped. "Well then, Hinata-chan, if it's OK..."

As his hands got closer, Hinata's mind faded into pleasant numbness, like she was floating in a sea of soft white novocain clouds...

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto squeezed softly. Hm. More like marshmallow than Jell-O. But that didn't quite capture it either. Naruto pushed them up a little bit, testing the weight, then dropped them. They flopped more than he'd thought, too. How did Hinata run with these?

The Kyuubi had apparently laughed itself out, and was providing helpful commentary. **You humans are strange, strange creatures, meat. They're just bags of fat. If you're really curious, I can show you how to construct a fair fascimile out of a rendered pig carcass once we get back to your apartment.**

Naruto ignored the fox. Hinata looked ready to faint, so with one final curious poke he stepped away from her. _Wow, Kakashi wasn't kidding when he said some girls get really embarrassed about this._

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi just barely kept himself from sighing with relief. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he was glad it had gone off without a hitch. "Alright, enough ninjutsu practice for now. Let's move on to throwing weapons. Naruto, go switch with Naruto-prime; this counts as taijutsu. And see if you can find Sasuke while you're at it."

He managed to keep the kids busy with the comparatively safe task of throwing sharp bits of metal around the clearing until the training day was over.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi decided to walk Hinata home after training. When she looked at him questioningly, he made a shushing motion. Once they were out of earshot of Naruto and Sasuke (who Naruto had somehow convinced to go grab ramen with him), Kakashi explained that he was going to introduce himself to her father as her Jonin-sensei, offer his respect and ask for advice on her unique training requirements, yadda yadda yadda.

Hinata didn't understand why he had shushed her, until she realized that both Sasuke and Naruto were orphans.

That made her feel a little sad. Just a little, though. She was still pretty high from ninjutsu practice.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi sat across from Hiashi Hyuga - _the_ Hiashi Hyuga. They were sipping expensive green tea in Hiashi's receiving room. Not the fancy one he used for most visitors, but the "casual" one with the Cherry Oak table. Being invited here meant that Kakashi was considered a friend, and the gesture didn't go unnoticed.

Hiashi cut an imposing figure in his formal robe. It helped that he had his Byakugan activated, as he always did. The man's control of the white eyes was peerless (at least since his brother's passing), and it took almost no chakra for him to sustain them. Rumor held that he SLEPT with his Byakugan activated, and while Kakashi would be surprised to learn that the rumors were true, he wouldn't be absolutely astounded.

Rumor also held that Hiashi could see thousands of kilometers away, straight through any seals you cared to name, if he strained himself. Kakashi knew that particular rumor was bullshit - 10km through a thoroughly mediocre seal was more plausible. But it said a lot about the man that such rumors were given any credence at all. He was powerful, and he had a way of knowing things that he had no way of knowing.

Even his casual receiving room was blanketed in decidedly non-mediocre seals. For the head of a clan where everyone had 360-degree telescopic X-ray vision, that made a lot of sense. (For the head of a powerful clan with many enemies, it made even more sense.)

Kakashi had just finished telling Hiashi about his daughter's performance, both in the Genin test and her first day of training. He had covered the "ninjutsu training" unflinchingly, before moving on to an analysis of Hinata's peculiar weaknesses with shuriken relative to kunai.

Hiashi drained the last of his tea, managing to make the gesture seem refined, and set the empty cup down. His face was unreadable.

"I will speak frankly, Hatake-san. Your observations are in accord with my own. Hinata is talented, but not talented enough to lead my clan."

Kakashi kept his face carefully neutral.

"Don't look so studiously non-shocked, my friend. I'm sure you've heard the rumors. They are mostly true; it is my wish that the main branch of the Hyuga family tree proceed through Hanabi, who carries such thick Hyuga blood. As it is, I'm afraid that Hinata is a waste of your time. Sooner or later she will fail as a Shinobi, and while it will be sad, ultimately she will be happier as the founding member of a branch house."

Kakashi took another sip of his tea. It was a useful conceit, to have tea with conversation. It offered ample excuses to gather one's thoughts before proceeding. The fact that Hiashi had drained his cup before discussing anything important was not lost on the visiting ninja.

"Hyuga-sama, Hinata is very talented for her age. I believe that she will grow into a fine Shinobi, given time."

"Her ninja skills, weak as they are, aren't the problem. She has no confidence, no force of will. She does not have the necessary qualities to lead."

"She may be unfit to lead your clan, Hyuga-sama, but that is outside the scope of my responsibilities as her instructor. She may well grow into a powerful leaf ninja, and the village, as I'm sure you know, needs all the powerful ninjas we can get."

Hiashi sighed. "Of course. I have not forgotten the duty owed by the Hyuga to the Leaf, nor the importance of powerful ninjas. If you believe that my daughter can grow to be useful, then it is your duty as a loyal leaf Jounin to encourage that growth."

"However, " and here Hiashi's shoulders seemed to slump one tiny iota, "things are not so simple, my friend. There are traditions for the succession of the Hyuga. The worst, the very worst result for my clan, and thus for the village we serve, would be for Hinata to grow strong, but not strong enough to lead. For Hanabi to have a clear path to succession, Hinata must be obviously unfit for the position."

Kakashi said nothing. He had known Hiashi for a long time, and he could tell the man had more to say.

"It is cruel..." Hiashi said, his voice growing wistful. "It is cruel, that my clan's prosperity depends upon my daughter's failure."

Kakashi nodded solemnly. Whatever cold airs he put on in public, Hiashi loved his children. He simply loved his clan more, and Kakashi wasn't sure the man was wrong.

"I understand your conundrum, Hyuga-sama. But just as you have a duty to your clan, I have a duty to my pupils. If Hinata is truly doomed to fail, as you believe, then there may be little I can do to prevent it. But I will certainly try my best to ensure that she does not."

Hiashi nodded, looking concerned. "Of course, Hatake-san. I did not mean to imply that you should shirk your duties for my sake. This I know you would not do, and I respect you for that. However..."

Hiashi's eyes grew hard, and Kakashi sharpened his ears.

"I do not think it would be a betrayal of the trust placed in you as an instructor, if you were to...spur Hinata to greater heights. The leaf, as you say, needs strong ninjas. All I ask is that you try your best to push Hinata, to make her truly strong. Strong enough to protect the leaf from its enemies, and strong enough to lead the Hyuga. If you should succeed, I will be forever grateful, for having rendered aid both to my daughter and my clan. And if Hinata should crumble under the pressure, lose her nerve at some crucial moment and fall from the path of the Shinobi...well, such events are regrettable, but in the long run sometimes they are for the best."

Kakashi took another careful sip of his tea. He knew which option Hiashi thought was likely. It wasn't _quite_ treason, or child abuse, but it was skirting the line.

"I will have to think on this, Hyuga-sama. Hinata might well respond favorably to being pushed to exceed her limits, but then again she might not."

"I understand, Hatake-san. Would you care to discuss these matters again in a month's time?"

"I don't promise that I will have an answer, but only a fool would turn down a chance to enjoy more of your excellent tea."

Hiashi managed a good-natured laugh at that. It didn't even sound forced, although Kakashi suspected it was.

"Very well. I have been instructing Hanabi personally, and so I know less than I should about Hinata's progress in the gentle fist. I will arrange a meeting with her current instructor, and you may consult with him about an appropriate joint-training regimen. Until next time, Hatake-san."

~o~O~o~O~o~

It wasn't until Kakashi was leaving that he realized. Their discussion had turned to weightier things quickly, but Hiashi hadn't said a word about the fact that his daughter had been felt up by her teenage crush that day. Kakashi sighed. He didn't pretend to understand Hiashi's problems, but he hoped that one day his old friend could afford to be less cold to the people around him.

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	5. 5 - Ramen Intermission

A steaming bowl of Kuro Ramen thunked down on the counter.

 _SLLUUUURP_

Sasuke stared, awe and disgust vying for dominance on his face.

Naruto tossed his now-empty bowl onto the rapidly growing stack in front of him.

"Hey, hey! At least pretend to taste it!" barked Teuchi. He crossed his arms and shot Naruto a thoroughly unconvincing offended glare.

"I promised you a free meal when you finally became a ninja, not SEVEN."

"Seven and counting! Can I have Miso next?"

Teuchi slumped his shoulders in despair and shuffled away. "Bad news, Ayame. It's official. Naruto's finally bankrupting us."

"Stop it, daddy! Be nice to the customers."

"Hey, I am being nice to the CUSTOMERS. It's Naruto I'm complaining about."

Teuchi's daughter smacked him on the back of the head.

"I said be NICE. One Miso Ramen for our favorite customer; get to it."

"You spoil that boy, Ayame. One of these days he's going to eat us out of house and home. I can see the headline now: 'Young ninja implausibly consumes several times his body weight in ramen, bankrupts local restaurant...'"

Ayame made a shooing motion and her father shuffled off to the back, grumbling good-naturedly under his breath.

The young waitress wiped her hands on the front of her white serving outfit and turned to Naruto with a pretty smile. Naruto smiled back, showing considerably more teeth. The father-daughter pair at Ramen Ichiraku had always been kind to him, demon-child or no, and he wasn't sure he'd ever stop feeling desperately grateful for that.

~o~O~o~O~o~

"So, Sasuke, what do you think of Kakashi-sensei? He's an old pervert, am I right?"

Sasuke shrugged noncommittally and spooned some more Ramen into his mouth. He had said perhaps half a dozen words the entire night.

 _Kyu, I'm dying out here! Give me a tip or two?_

 **I would if I could, meat. This Uchiha could prove a valuable ally. But I know next to nothing about him, and he doesn't seem the type to make friends quickly. He is prideful and driven, I know that much.**

 _Hmm..._

"So, where did you learn that Fireball Jutsu, Sasuke?"

Sasuke grunted, and his expression darkened considerably. "Clan technique."

 **Good one, meatstick. It's a coming-of-age rite among the Uchiha, actually. Probably stirred up some unpleasant memories.**

Naruto slowly stopped grinning. He turned his eyes away to watch Teuchi in the kitchen. A few heavy moments passed. "I'm sorry."

Sasuke's expression remained studiously blank. "Did you murder my clan?"

"What?! Of course not!"

"Then why are you sorry?"

Sasuke's face was tight. Not "carefully controlled" tight, but "pulled taught and ready to snap" tight. _Wonderful._ Naruto paused to collect his thoughts.

"Well, because...because I know what it's like to have to go home to an empty apartment after training every day. And I wish that nobody had to live like that. And I feel bad, because I'm not strong enough yet to do anything about it. So I guess I'm saying sorry because I'm not Hokage yet, as much as I'd like to be."

Sasuke took a moment to absorb this. His face was still locked in that grim mask.

"I don't need your pity, idiot. I will avenge my clan, eventually."

"I...well, wait, that came out wrong. I mean, more like, I know what it feels like. If I pitied you, you'd have to pity me too, so it would cancel out, right? But that wouldn't make any sense, so I can't pity you."

Naruto scratched his head for a little bit.

 **Very eloquent, meat. If your theory is that the Uchiha has a soft spot for gibbering idiots, your plan is going swimmingly.**

Sasuke turned to look at Naruto. His eyes seemed to bore straight into Naruto's skull. Neither of them looked away.

"So, you think we're the same? That you UNDERSTAND?"

Suddenly Sasuke's rigid mask cracked, and he was snarling at Naruto, his voice rising wildly in pitch.

"How could you EVER understand! You think that just because you don't know your parents, you understand what it feels like to have seen them MURDERED?! To have seen everyone you know or care about murdered?! By your own brother, who you trusted and looked up to?!"

Naruto bared his teeth as well. Sullenness was one thing, but this he could deal with.

"Hey, you think you're the only one with problems? In case you didn't notice, EVERYONE IN THE VILLAGE except for like half a dozen people hates me! I'm sure seeing your family die sucked, but at least the rest of the leaf treats you with kindness! Maybe if you ever stopped brooding and talked to people you'd realize how much you still have!"

Sasuke looked, if possible, even more angry. He started to say something but Naruto cut in.

"Look, I don't know what it was like to live through all that, but it's no excuse to be sulky and nasty to everyone! Even if everyone important to you dies, that just means you have to move on and meet new important people! If you want to be alone and unhappy forever, fine, but don't fool yourself into thinking that your loneliness and unhappiness is making you strong."

Naruto hadn't even realized, until he said it, that he knew exactly why Sasuke had built up his shell. It seemed obvious in retrospect. Piercing it, however...

Sasuke's anger, which had been burning hotter and hotter as Naruto spoke, flickered a little at that last statement. Just a little, though. Sasuke opened his mouth, only to close it again a moment later. With evident force of will, he managed to relax his facial muscles and take a deep breath. His face calm and detached again, the last Uchiha returned his attention to the bowl of ramen in front of him.

"What would you know about strength? Strength comes from talent and drive. I have the first, and as long as I hold on to the memories of my clan, I have the second."

Naruto sighed and drummed his fingers on the table. He didn't know how to explain it in a way that Sasuke would understand.

Suddenly, a devious smile spread across the young ninja's face. He had an idea, and it sounded in his head like the sort of the the Kyuubi would say.

"Alright, Sasuke. You're right; you shouldn't give a damn what I think about strength. But answer me this: who's the strongest in the village?"

"The Hokage, obviously." replied Sasuke in a bored monotone.

"So, are you curious what _he_ knows about strength?"

Sasuke didn't answer for several uncomfortable seconds. Finally, he gave a barely perceptible nod.

"Well, then, why don't we go ask him!"

Naruto leapt to his feet. So what if it was nighttime and Sasuke wasn't done with his ramen yet? Some things didn't bear waiting for!

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata didn't have much to do around the compound. Everyone was busy.

She went up to her room. It was a small room, neat and spare.

The girl sat down softly on her well-made bed, casting her eyes over the familiar surroundings.

She had a clean desk with a small honeycomb of scrolls. She had memorized them all, but father said she was not to receive more until she had mastered them. There was nothing else to read.

She had a painting on her wall, of a rose in bloom. Her father had put it there when she first entered Ninja School. There were no other decorations, save for the seals. Hinata's eyes lingered on those; they were as beautiful as the painting, in their own way.

The seals were small and few, but well-done. They wouldn't keep a determined or powerful ninja (such as her father) from observing what went on in the room, but at least the rest of the clan couldn't see right into the Hyuga heiress' bedroom.

Hinata wondered, with a blush, whether anyone from her clan had watched her at ninjutsu practice that day. The answer was almost certainly "yes". Her father wouldn't let her wander around without a security detail. She had never seen her security detail, but that was typical of Shinobi security; if she could see them, an enemy ninja certainly could.

 **To be more specific, he would never let your _eyes_ wander around without a security detail.**

Hinata sighed; her inner-self, while cynical, was probably right.

She got ready for bed quietly. She walked quietly over the floor, so as not to disturb those down below. She opened and closed doors quietly, so as not to disturb those down the hall.

Hinata lived her whole life quietly. She told herself that she was kind and respectful of others, but she knew inside that she was just a coward. She wondered, sometimes, whether her quiet life was driving her insane. She did have what amounted to a split personality, which was supposed to be a _thing_ , right?

 **Yup, that's totally a _thing_.**

Hinata lay in bed and stared at the darkness. She wasn't particularly tired. Most of the household was still up, and muffled patches of conversation drifted into her room. Somebody laughed, loudly, and it reminded her of Naruto.

 _Naruto..._

Naruto wore an orange jumpsuit. He had blonde hair, and he didn't dye it black. He shouted, he laughed, and he told everyone he met about his absurd dream of becoming Hokage. Naruto didn't live a quiet life. He wasn't a coward.

And earlier today, Naruto had...

Hinata sighed, but it was a happy sigh this time. What had it felt like, again? Her own hands wrapped around her breasts under the covers, lifting them up like Naruto had, fingers digging in a little too hard.

 _Naruto..._

Hinata fell asleep like that, thinking of the young ninja.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto stood outside the Hokage's front door, growing impatient. Sasuke had been inside for almost 10 minutes, talking to the Hokage alone. The old man hadn't even seemed suprised to find two young ninja banging on his door this late at night. Then again, he often knew more than he had any right to; Naruto wouldn't be surprised if the old bastard had been expecting them.

 **Passably perceptive, meat. The Hokage has many ways of knowing things. Some are obvious, like his crystal ball. Others are more subtle, but no less efficacious.**

 _Wait, the Hokage has a CRYSTAL BALL?_

 **Indeed. He can observe any unwarded goings-on within his domain. This roughly means the village, the surrounding clan holdings, and much of the forest. It can target either a known location, or more frighteningly, a known** ** _entity_** **. It is a fearsome device, and I do not know where he obtained it.**

 _Hm._ That was food for thought.

Finally, Naruto heard the door behind him creak open. Sasuke stepped out, followed by the fatherly Sarutobi. Naruto shot Sasuke a grin. "Well?! You two were in there forever. What'd the old bastard tell you, Sasuke?"

Sasuke opened his mouth, thought for a moment, then closed it. He seemed to be doing that a lot tonight. His face was blank; not controlled, but honestly blank. Sarutobi nodded firmly at him. "Don't feel the need to tell anyone what we talked about, Sasuke. Our conversation was private. You must ultimately decide on your own path, but I hope you will consider what I have said."

Sasuke nodded calmly, turned his back on Naruto, and simply walked away. Naruto huffed and crossed his arms. "What's that guy's problem?"

The Hokage smiled and ruffled Naruto's hair, which earned him a scowl. "Thank you for bringing him to me, Naruto. There were many things I have long wished to say to the young Uchiha, but until tonight he was never ready to listen."

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto walked back to his apartment alone, in the dark. The village was eerily quiet at night, once everyone was asleep. The wilderness was loud at night, louder than most urbanites expected; animals hunted, frogs croaked, trees fell...the village felt creepy and dead by comparison.

 **Right up until the end there, meat, I thought you had blown the whole thing. Maybe you have a talent for working with children?**

Naruto considered it. That didn't really sound like him.

 **Then again, it might have been simple luck. You humans are unpredictable at best.**

 _Do you have any idea what the Hokage said to Sasuke, Kyu?_

 **None at all. But I do know that he has an _actual_ talent for social matters, even moreso than most politicians, and that he knows the young Uchiha passingly well. I would also hazard, if pressed, that his goal is also ours: to see the boy make friends, shed his shell, and grow into a fine and loyal Shinobi. That's the way the old man thinks, and the hand he has shown time and time again.**

 _What's "the way the old man thinks"? That people should have friends and be loyal? That seems pretty obvious._

 **It's...a more more subtle way of thinking than most of you meatbags have. It is almost passingly demonic. He does not plan and scheme, the way other leaders do; he simply prepares, watches, and reacts. He is much like a gardener, watching carefully to ensure that his Shinobi get enough soil, light, and water, but otherwise allowing them to grow unimpeded. It is a strange way for a ninja to think, and it has been dangerous at times, but overall I think it has born fruit.**

 _You really have a thing for extended metaphors, don't you Kyu? "Leaf village's leader rules like gardener growing plants; strategy bears fruit."_

 **Precisely. If the metaphor strikes you as too on-the-nose, well, sometimes reality is blunter than we'd like.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	6. 6 - Breaking Down Problems

Naruto tossed and turned in his sleep. He was dreaming, and in his dream 9 perfect spheres of darkest black huddled together in a frothing sea of red. The spheres spun around and around each other, whispering in voices of pure thought, malice and raw power bleeding out of their alien words into Naruto's brain. Naruto tried to scream, but no words came out.

 **BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZ BZZ BZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. UP, meatpuppet. NOW. I can feel your mortality seeping into me, the flesh sloughing off your bones in slow motion. I would prefer to escape this meaty jail before it decomposes, which means...**

Naruto tuned the Kyuubi out. It got easier every morning. He yawned and scratched himself, the dream already fading from his memory.

Genin team 7, after training for WEEKS, had its first mission today! Naruto leaped out of bed when he remembered, and was out the door fully dressed not 3 minutes later, the Kyuubi still ranting in his metaphorical ear.

~o~O~o~O~o~

"What's the distance to the target?" Kakashi whispered into his microphone.

"Five meters. I'm ready any time." Sasuke was all business on missions.

"So am I." Naruto's voice came through a little hissy. Kakashi had given them commlinks a week ago, and Naruto had fiddled with ALL the knobs since then.

"Me...me too." Hinata's normally quiet voice came through loud and clear, the sensitivity on her mic turned way up. _Technology is wonderful,_ Kakashi thought to himself.

"OK. GO!"

~o~O~o~O~o~

"I can't believe," Naruto said on their way back to town, "that our first mission was to capture a goddamn _cat_."

Sasuke nodded, speaking up for once: "At least you have clones out training. This was just a wasted day for me."

Hinata thought about saying something - she didn't mind the mission so much, it was good to start small - but Kakashi broke in before she could work up the courage.

"You're still rookies, kids. If you keep doing well on these D-rank missions, maybe we can move up to C in a few months."

Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks. Naruto spoke up for him: "A few MONTHS?! We have this _down_. Any of us could have captured this cat alone, even back in ninja academy."

Sasuke nodded.

Kakshi sighed and held a hand to his forehead. _These two..._

He turned his single eye to Hinata, and the girl shrunk under his gaze. _Hm...I guess I can understand why Hiashi is...concerned._ "What do you think, Hinata?"

Everyone was looking at her. Hinata gulped. She didn't know what she thought; she didn't really want to go on hard missions where she'd be a liability, but she didn't want to be a liability _now_ by slowing down everyone's training...

When she thought about it that way, it wasn't such a hard question. "U...um, if Naruto and Sasuke want to take on more difficult missions, I'm, I'm fine with it..."

Kakashi began massaging his temples. That had backfired. "Look, there's a reason things are done the way they are. Can any of you guess?"

Naruto noticed that Kakashi was looking at him.

 **Looks like he's beginning to think of you as the smart one, meat. Who knows, he might actually be right in a few months.**

Naruto scratched his head. The Kyuubi didn't seem like he'd be helping.

"Because most Genin aren't as awesome as we are?"

Naruto felt the Kyuubi literally banging its head on the iron bars of its prison, and broke into a cold sweat. It hadn't sounded _that_ stupid in his head...

Kakashi groaned. "No. Although your answer is a good hint. Anyone else care to guess?"

After a 10-second beat, Hinata finally piped up. "Er...because the other ninja are t...too busy to do it?"

Kakashi gave her a friendly smile. "That's a good thought, Hinata, but no. We'd just turn down the jobs if we didn't have enough ninja to do them; C rank missions pay an order of magnitude more."

After it became clear that nobody else had any ideas, Kakashi finally spelled it out.

"We're doing this because you guys _suck_. You're terrible. And you don't understand that yet. It took you guys half a day to track down a _cat_ , for god's sake, and Naruto is honestly wondering whether he's stuck with D-rank missions because people don't recognize how awesome he is. That sort of overconfidence will get you killed."

Sasuke scowled at that, but didn't say anything. Naruto, on the other hand...

"Hey! But we _are_ awesome!"

Kakashi favored Naruto with a dangerous-looking eye-smile, and Naruto gulped. "Hinata, would you mind releasing Tora?"

Hinata hesitated. Naruto would be really upset if they had to go after the tiny little animal again...

"But...but, we spent all this time tracking him down..."

Kakashi waved his hand, and Hinata sighed mentally. She wasn't about to say no. With an apologetic glance at Naruto, who looked frankly horrified, she dropped the cat onto the ground, where it darted away.

Naruto opened his mouth to shout something, but Kakashi held up his hand, fingers extended, and Naruto shut up. Kakashi closed the fingers, one by one, counting to five, and then he wasn't there.

Hinata jumped a little in surprise. Naruto just gaped and then started looking around dumbly. Even Sasuke cast a few casual glances around, trying to find their sensei.

"Hey, did that old pervert run off on us?!"

A moment later a howling cat flew out of the forest like a missile, straight at Naruto's face. The blond ninja fell backward onto the ground screaming in an embarrassingly high pitch, the beast clawing frantically for a grip on his soft flesh. Hinata gasped and rushed over.

Sasuke ignored the cat-on-face issue entirely in favor of watching his surroundings carefully. He just barely managed to catch a flicker, and then Kakashi was standing next to the three of them again.

Hinata had finally gotten Tora off of Naruto's face and was looking frightened out of her mind by all the blood.

"I'll make you a deal, Naruto." Kakashi said, still with that dangerous eye-smile.

Naruto sat up, wiping blood from his eyes. Kakashi decided he was probably paying attention.

"Tora escapes about once a week. If you three ever manage to catch him in less than 5 minutes, starting at the edge of the forest, we can go on a C-rank mission and see how you do. Until then, we're going to keep doing D-rank missions until you have the basics down. Ducking, for example."

For once Naruto didn't have anything to say, but he did find time to give Kakashi the finger before turning back to his scratches.

~o~O~o~O~o~

As Naruto was heading home, Kakashi called after him, as though it were an afterthought: "Oh, Naruto! By the way - no using your Shadow Clone jutsu for this one. These D-rank missions are meant to improve your basic ninja skills, not your mastery of forbidden techniques."

Naruto thought some very bad words - blanketing the forest in hundreds of clones had been the obvious plan, so of course Kakashi had thought of it too. The Kyuubi laughed.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto brought his hand down on the dented coffee table with a meaty _THWACK_ , rattling its rickety legs and making Hinata jump.

"Alright! The first session of the Unified Tora Attack Force Council is now in...um...session!"

Genin Team 7 was sitting on the ground around the only table in Naruto's small, dumpy excuse for a room. They had gathered together after training to discuss the Tora Problem. 30 seconds in, there were already some team-dynamic issues.

Sasuke was staring blankly at Naruto, as though the blonde ninja were a noisy but peculiarly boring fern. Hinata herself couldn't manage even that level of engagement; she was more nervous than usual, her heart felt like it had LITERALLY grown wings and begun to flutter, and to make things worse her inner self just wouldn't shut up-

 **OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE'RE IN HIS APARTMENT! THIS IS PERFECT! ALRIGHT, PLAN 1, IF SASUKE STORMS OFF HALFWAY THROUGH WE NEED TO-**

Naruto forged ahead with his speech, oblivious to Hinata's internal narration (and thank god for that; she would have just curled up and died if he could hear even a tenth of what her inner self said).

"Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Sitting down with his teammates and planning out a strategy ahead of time? We never do that! That Naruto must be crazy!' Yeah, I'm crazy. Crazy like a fox!"

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **Careful, meat.**

 _Er, oops. Wait, now that I think of it, are you..._

 **The source of that expression? Doubtful. I probably contributed to its popularity during my brief period on this plane, however.**

 _You mean your centuries-long reign of terror?_

 **Meh.**

His teammates were still staring at him (or rather studiously not-staring, in Hinata's case), so Naruto got down to business.

"Alright. We need to catch a cat, deep in the forest, in 5 minutes. Any ideas?"

Silence. The crickets outside weren't even proactive enough to chirp. After a minute, Sasuke gave a small cough that sounded more like a scoff. Hinata just fidgeted.

 _Well, this is going swimmingly. Can't you just solve this one for us, Kyu?_

 **I've already explained why I can't do that, meatbag. You would learn about as much from that as if Kakashi just caught the damn cat for you.**

 _Look, I already came up with one brilliant plan for catching Tora. It's not my fault that Kakashi nixed the Shadow Clone._

 **Yes, that was a real master-stroke. Who else but the great Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage, would have thought of using the ONE TECHNIQUE HE'S ACTUALLY GOOD AT. A technique originally meant for spying, it should be noted, on a mission to find a cat.**

 _Hey-_

 **Besides, this will be good for you. It's dangerous for a Shinobi to rely too heavily on one technique. And you need to learn to plan with your teammates, in any case.**

 _I'm_ trying _to plan with my teammates. I just happen to be stuck with the two most socially dysfunctional Genin in Konoha!_

 **Saying "Any Ideas?" isn't planning with your teammates, meat, it's trying to get your teammates to plan for you. Which they clearly aren't going to leap up and do. These kids are 12, fleshsack; you need to take the reins here.**

 _I'm 12 too!_

 **Are you planning to whine like this when you become Hokage? Do you think Sarutobi gets to go into high-level strategic planning sessions, lean back, and let everyone else do the work for him? Besides, you have me on your side; if you add up our ages you're a hell of a lot older than they are.**

 _If you're on my side, then why don't you stop criticizing and HELP ME HERE? You don't have to tell me a plan, just help me with the tactics of planning. Kakashi might not catch Tora for me, but he sure as hell teaches me how to throw shuriken when I ask!_

 **Ah, the shell of a real argument. Very well...**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto seemed to be spacing out. Hinata was, at this particular point in her life, very adept at watching people from the corner of her eye without looking straight at them, and the young, blonde(, dashing) ninja had been staring off into space for over a minute now. Sasuke had lost interest in fern-Naruto and switched to examining his fingernails (which also seemed fairly boring, judging by his expression).

 **Hey, we ARE pretty good at observing things obliquely. I'd bet that turns out to be a major plot point in the "based on a true story" novel of our life. Or else it'll just be jammed in for flavor in chapter 6 and never brought up again. It'll be in there, anyway, is my point.**

As one might guess from the fact that her inner self had calmed down a bit, Hinata was, strangely enough, starting to get used to being in Naruto's apartment. _Naruto's_ apartment, for emphasis. Naruto's _apartment_.

That was his bed, over there. Those were the goggles he used to wear back in Ninja school. The whole place smelled like Naruto, but more importantly, it _felt_ like Naruto. There was a training dummy with a drawing of Kakashi's face taped to the head, a teetering pile of dull kunai and half-unrolled scrolls, and what appeared to be a model castle constructed entirely of empty instant ramen bowls, with battlements made of discarded flavor packets and a dead bug manning the gate...

Actually, all told, it was kind of a dump.

 **Yeah, this place could really use a woman's touch.**

Hinata blushed a little at that.

 **And a real kitchen. Cozy though. Also, totally unrelated: how long should we let Naruto just sit there?**

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **...alright, meat. Got all that?**

 _Um..._

 **For your sake, the answer had better be yes. I tire of repeating myself.**

 _Look, all that stuff about not proposing solutions right away and getting people to self-identify as open to new ideas and whatnot is cool, but it seems a little...premature? I can't get these two to say ANYTHING!_

 **Hm...a fair point, I suppose. There's no point teaching you aerodynamics when you're trying to throw a shuriken like a baseball, to beat your earlier analogy into the ground.**

 **Very well then. Your first question failed to elicit a response because it was too general. Sometimes a useful topic of discussion will come out of such general appeals, but clearly this is not one of those times.**

 **What you should do is establish a framework for the problem, then break it down into its component pieces. If those are still too large, break them down further.**

 _Um..._

 **Dammit, meat, work with me here. Just describe the problem as precisely as you can and then ask about just one piece of it. And address your question to ONE of them at a time until they're actually engaged in the conversation; remind me to explain the bystander effect to you later. Oh, and you may want to think quickly; it's been several minutes since you last said anything and the Uchiha is looking antsy.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata wasn't even bothering to avoid eye contact with Naruto any more, since her future Hokage (strange how right that sounded) was doing a fine job of it himself.

 **3:58, 3:59...4 minutes, ladies and gentlemen! Our hero has been completely out of it for four minutes and counting! Can he beat the world record, whatever that may be? Find out in only-**

 _WHAM_. Hinata jumped even higher the second time Naruto slammed his hand down on the table. She was starting to get an idea where all those dents had come from.

"Alright, let's break this down. We have 5 minutes from the edge of the forest to get to wherever Tora is, find him, and capture him. Let's start with the first one - Sasuke, how fast can you run?"

Sasuke looked up briefly and grunted: "A mile every...2 minutes." Naruto let out a long whistle. Hinata knew what he meant; she was in pretty good shape, but...

Suddenly Naruto swung around and caught her eyes. She'd forgotten to look away! He grinned at her before she could look away - wow his teeth were white - and for some reason, rather than hiding in her hoodie this time, she managed to smile shyly back at him.

 **...**

"How about you, Hinata?"

 **...what.**

"Um...every...that is, I could run one mile every 3 minutes, maybe, if I were sprinting, um...I think I could keep that up for 5 minutes..."

 **...did we...wait, what...**

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well...I might be able to run a mile in 5 minutes. So I guess we're going to spend a lot of our time just getting to Tora. Hell, Sasuke may end up having to just catch her himself!"

Sasuke sat back smugly and crossed his arms.

Hinata felt just a tiny bit miffed. Naruto hadn't whistled at _her_ speed. If he'd just asked her first he would have been impressed, she _was_ in pretty good shape from all her taijutsu training, it wasn't fair that she was being compared to Sasuke of all-

 **HOLD ON BACK UP WHAT. We just smiled back at Naruto. That NEVER happens. How did we manage that?**

 _W...well...I mean, he just seemed so friendly, and it would have been rude to just look away, and...and I guess he isn't quite as scary now that I've been around him a little longer..._

 **HELL YES! Alright, step 2: let's try to act like an actual, functional human being at this planning session. Say something incisive!**

 _B...but..._

Naruto barreled straight over her internal dialogue (or was it a monologue?). "Let's see...Tora was about a mile away from the border between the Fire Lord's estate and the forest when we caught him. If we get there sooner, he should hopefully be at least that close most of the times we try to catch him, which means..."

Naruto reached into one of the pockets on his orange jumper, and came up with...what was that, pen and paper?

Naruto began to sketch on the paper: a long line, then a half-circle on one side of it, then some more lines. At first Hinata thought he was just spacing out again, but she was slowly beginning to develop another, totally absurd hypothesis...

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto was so focused on the paper in front of him that he didn't even notice Hinata reeling from raw shock. He was just doing what he (or rather his book-learning clone) had been doing nearly every day for weeks: working the problem out on paper.

Naruto sketched and figured for a bit. It was JUST LIKE a word problem from Ninja School, a connection he'd never made before. "If Sasuke runs a mile in 2 minutes, Hinata in 3, and Naruto in 5, how many miles can they cover together in 5 minutes?" About 5.2, it turns out. The area of the half-circle with radius one mile was about 1.6, which meant that to canvas the whole area they'd need, even in the best case with no overlap, a cross section of about 1.6/5.2 = 0.31...

Naruto's heart sank. They'd need to be able to observe at _least_ a sixth of a mile on either side of them well enough to find a cat, while running. Which was, frankly, impossible. (The Kyuubi had, as promised, given him a rundown of the major leaf clans, and explained that at Hinata's age she couldn't really hope for much more than 50 meters on her Byakugan.)

~o~O~o~O~o~

Reeling from shock, despite the name, took rather longer than Hinata expected. By the time she managed to pull herself together -

 **Relatively speaking, of course.**

\- Naruto and Sasuke were already arguing.

"Are you some kind of idiot, idiot?" Sasuke somehow managed to keep sneering even while he moved his mouth. "Sure, there are lots of Jutsu that let you move faster than normal - for a moment or two. But think how tired you get after doing the Body Replacement just a few dozen times. If you tried to use that, or any similar technique, to stutter-step across the forest, well...if you were lucky you'd collapse in exhaustion before you hurt yourself permanently. Human muscles - even mine - just can't handle hundreds or thousands of chakra pulses in a row like that."

"Then how does Kakashi do it?"

Sasuke let out an exasperated puff of air. "By being a hundred times better than you. He isn't sending pulses of chakra through his legs to move faster than normal for a fraction of a second over and over, that's just how fast he can move normally with a safe and steady flow of chakra."

"Come on, there must be some way to cheat here!"

"This isn't one of your stupid pranks, Naruto. If there were a way for Genin to move at Chunnin speeds without years of training, everyone would be doing it. Or we would have been, anyway..."

Sasuke's expression darkened considerably. It took a moment for Hinata to realize that he was talking about his clan.

"Besides, " Sasuke continued in a subdued tone, "your basic model is flawed. Moving ten times as fast won't help us, because we'll be forced to search 1/10th the cross-sectional area in 1/10th the time. It will be just as hard."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. The Uchiha wasn't looking at him any more, so he rounded on Hinata again.

"Alright, Hinata-chan-"

Hinata sunk a little deeper into her hoodie. She tried to bring her eyes up to meet Naruto's, but, but, he...she settled on looking at his chin instead.

 ** _Sigh_** **...well, at least we're making progress.**

"-do you have any ideas?"

Hinata didn't. Her mind blanked, and she felt panic rising up from her stomach into her throat, choking it shut. Not that she had anything she wanted to say anyway.

Naruto paused as though listening to something far away, then winced a little.

"Er...I mean, let's go piece by piece. It seems like _we_ aren't _fast_ enough to _search_ the _area_ where _Tora_ will be in under _5 minutes_. So either: 1. Someone besides us needs to do the searching. 2. We need to move faster. 3. We need to search better. 4. We need to search a smaller area. 5. We need to search for something other than Tora. Or 6. We need to give ourselves more than 5 minutes."

Hinata blinked. Well, she was always blinking to keep stuff out of her eyes, but she _felt_ that blink.

 **Wait, since when is Naruto smart? Maybe our taste in men is better than we thought.**

 _Um..._

 **Or maybe he's had a psychotic breakdown. This really isn't like him.**

"Kakashi probably wouldn't give us any credit for (1). Otherwise I'd just ask Kiba to come along and bring Akamaru to sniff her out. Sasuke was just...elaborating on how difficult (2) would be. So let's try (3). I don't suppose there's any chance you're a child prodigy and can push your byakugan way out past 50 meters?"

Hinata blinked again. Naruto hadn't know anything about her Byakugan when they'd fought Kakashi that time.

 _Do...do you think he..._

 **Looked us up? We shouldn't get too excited. It was probably all business.**

 _But...but still..._

Hinata pulled her attention back to reality long enough to give a tiny shake of her head. Naruto's chin didn't look that surprised, which hurt a little bit.

"Yeah, I thought so. Do either of you know any tracking Jutsu? Or maybe how to do it the old fashioned way?"

Hinata said nothing. Sasuke shook his head.

"Alright, then, let's try 4. Maybe we could try to force Tora into a small area of the forest? What if we left some food out for him in a particular clearing?"

Sasuke snorted at that. "Unless you know of a food that only Tora likes, out of all the animals in the forest, it would be gone the instant the stench wore off."

 **Hmm...**

"Hey! Are you saying I smell?"

 **Only Tora...**

"The HUMAN stench, moron. Although, now that you mention it..."

 **I wonder...**

Naruto lolled his tongue out at Sasuke and gave him the finger.

 **Well, at least Naruto's back to normal...wait, what was I...**

Naruto slurped his tongue back in and wiped his mouth. "Fine, fine. What if we did the opposite? Could you set part of the forest on fire with that Fireball Jutsu of yours to herd him toward us?"

 **...thinking...**

Sasuke drew his breath with obvious relish. Demolishing Naruto's ideas seemed to put him in a pretty good mood. "Well, putting aside for the moment the fact that the forest is full of green wood, torching the place just to catch a cat seems like overkill. Also, Kakashi would string us up by our entrails if we managed to accidentally toast the Fire Lord's Wife's cat."

 **...oh right.**

"Hey, at least it would be a fitting death."

 **I was thinking...**

The tip of a grin poked out through Sasuke's sneer. The dark-haired ninja managed to keep it from breaking all the way through, though.

 **..."only Tora"...**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto was really getting into things now. Sasuke was pretty easy to wrangle once you got inside his head. It was like he had a giant red button on his forehead labeled "SUPERIORITY COMPLEX".

 **God you're easy to amuse, meat. Just wait until you're actually good at this.**

Hinata, though...

 **Yes, she will be more difficult. Easier in the long term, though, I would wager. Once you coax her out of her shell, she should prove quite pliable.**

 _I'm not sure I want to think about Hinata-chan like that. Or Sasuke, for that matter; he's a bitchy primadonna, but it's still his life._

 **You won't get far without thinking like that, meat. Shinobi are tools. If you care about these two, you should work hard to ensure that they become your tools, so that you might treat them well. Others may not be so kind.**

 _Whatever, Kyu. I don't want tools; I want...friends, I guess. You wouldn't understand._

 **A stunning argument indeed. I would bring yourself back to reality, however; one of your..."friends" seems to have something to say.**

Naruto looked, and sure enough, Hinata seemed to be struggling to spit something out. She was wringing her hands together more vigorously than usual, and her mouth kept opening a half-millimeter, only to shut again a second later.

Naruto shot her his broadest grin to grease the proceedings. It didn't seem to help much.

 _Damn it. Is my grin broken or something?_

The Kyuubi laughed at that. **Quite the opposite, meat.**

With a swell of courage, Hinata finally managed to spit out the sentence she'd been biting down. "Er...I...I just had a thought."

Naruto looked at her expectantly. Even Sasuke seemed interested, since Hinata spoke so rarely.

"W...well, I was just thinking, we don't have to look for a _random_ cat in the forest. We only have to look for...for Tora. And since we...we're allowed to use radios during, during the D-rank missions, maybe we c...could..."

Hinata trailed off here, staring down at her hands. Something clicked in Naruto's head, and he broke into an enormous grin.

"Hinata, that's BRILLIANT! We just put a tiny transmitter in Tora's bow beforehand, then run straight to where she is! Er, or to roughly the right spot, at least. Point is, we'll only have to search a tiny area! Like, a few dozen bushes at most! This will be a cinch!"

Naruto was smiling so broadly that his eyes were almost squinched shut. He still managed to see well enough to lean over and slap Hinata companionably on the back, eliciting an "eep" of surprise.

Sasuke looked less than convinced. "And how, exactly, are we going to get the transmitter into Tora's bow?" Sasuke's eye twitched a little as he spoke. He clearly hadn't expected his first serious mission planning to involve a great deal of cat-and-bow discussion.

"That's easy; we just catch her the slow way next time and slip it in when Kakashi isn't looking!"

"Oh, brilliant plan. I'm sure that slipping something like that past _Kakashi Hatake_ will be a piece of cake. And that the Fire Lord's Wife won't change the bow."

"Well...I can cause a distraction. Or something."

"And the bow being changed?" Sasuke's eyes gleamed as he smelled blood in the water.

"We could...put the transmitter somewhere else? Make her swallow it, maybe?"

"Even better! Very easy to do undetected. And the Fire Lord's Wife couldn't possibly object. You really are as good as they say. Truly, what was I thinking, questioning the wisdom of Naruto Uzumaki, future..."

"Fine, fine. Do you have any ideas then?" Naruto had originally been trying to goad Sasuke into helping by coming up with unworkable plans for the young Uchiha to tear apart, but that strategy was backfiring now that they had one that might actually work with a little tweaking.

Sasuke harumphed and looked away. "No."

 **Meat...**

 _Right, right! I forgot._

 **Come now, meat, you can do better than that. You had him figured out not five minutes ago.**

Naruto paused, thinking back. He almost broke into a devious smile, but managed to contain himself.

"Hmm...well, alright. Hiding a small transmitter on a cat doesn't _sound_ that hard, but if you say you can't think of any way to do it..."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Naruto had to fight harder to keep himself from smiling.

Long seconds passed, the silence broken only by Hinata's nervous fidgeting. She had found an empty Ramen bowl on the ground and was busy pulling it apart into tiny wisps of paper.

Finally, the last Uchiha's face twisted itself into a grin. It was almost scary to look at. "Actually, I may have a way to make this non-plan of yours workable."

Naruto leaned in expectantly. Sasuke dropped his voice so low that Hinata stopped fidgeting to hear better. "It's simple, really. We just...ask."

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	7. 7 - Tora Ascendant

Sasuke awoke with a startled gasp, sweat drenching his entire body. He sat straight up and clutched his head, hyper-ventilating and visibly trying to calm himself. The nightmares had been getting worse recently.

 _Those eyes..._

Sasuke shook his head rapidly, throwing off the memories, and looked around the room. Unlike the the other times he had been startled awake that night, it was no longer pitch black.

 _Morning, then..._

Sasuke almost smiled. Almost. The young ninja glanced at his clock, the sole adornment on the walls of his sparse apartment. There weren't even protective seals on the walls; the Hokage had seen fit to assign him guards, instead. Or at least that was what the old man claimed. Sasuke had never seen the Shinobi assigned to him, and he sometimes wondered whether they existed at all. It might be more economical to simply _claim_ that he was protected by the best, on the assumption that no enemy ninja would attack until he had located the last Uchiha's non-existent protectors.

In any case, his clock read shortly after 6. Time for morning training, then. And later in the day...

Sasuke did smile, this time. Wouldn't Kakashi be surprised? Despite the hell that Itachi had thrust upon him, Sasuke still enjoyed some things, and surprising others with his skill was one of them. The idiot and the coward would get some credit too, of course, which soured the occasion somewhat, but still...

~o~O~o~O~o~

Getting an appointment with the Fire Lord's Wife turned out to be less arduous than Naruto had expected. One couldn't simply drop by the estate and bang on her door, but with a little pomp and flourish, it was easy to write her a letter. Hinata, of course, had excellent caligraphy and knew all the relevant niceties.

As it turned out, Madam Shijimi was quite pleased to take her afternoon tea with the three darling ninja who had saved her precious Tora from the mean nasty forest - especially since one of them was the Hyuga heiress, whom she expected to see much more of in about a decade, and the other was that poor orphaned Uchiha boy.

Now, sitting on a soft gold-filagree mat, resting his elbows on a frankly baroque table, and smiling happily at the fat made-up face of Madam Shijimi, Naruto's only cause for concern was...well...everything.

 **Yes, this plan is truly a masterpiece of resource misallocation. How again did you settle on a plan that involved...what was the phrase you used..."the two most socially dysfunctional Genin in Konoha" having tea with the local aristocracy?**

 _Shut up, Kyu, I'm trying to act interested in her stories!_

Actually, things weren't going all that badly. Hinata apparently had experience with this sort of thing, and managed to play off her shyness as quiet reserve. She also knew how to pour tea and giggle appreciatevly at Madam Shijimi's jokes, so as far as Naruto was concerned she was pulling her weight.

Sasuke was another matter, but he'd had the good sense to retire early in the conversation, complaining of a headache.

Unfortunately, that left Naruto to bear the brunt of what Madam Shijimi had the gall to call "conversation". In practice, this consisted mostly of nodding vigorously, laughing, and expressing sympathy for her extraordinarily trying life.

Naruto watched, hawk-like, as Madam Shijimi's ring-encrusted fingers moved slowly but steadily toward a scone. Any moment now. Smile, nod, smile again, and then...yes! The geyser of noise issuing from the bulbous aristocrat slowed to a mere trickle as she shoved the pastry in her mouth and chewed. Naruto jumped.

"Ha ha! That's quite the story, ma'am. Quite the story indeed. _Oh_ , actually, I just remembered one of the reasons we wanted to drop by this afternoon!"

The Kyuubi remained silent, but Naruto could practically feel him wincing in shame at that segue. Ah well, this _was_ his first time doing anything like this. Years of near-social-isolation hadn't done much for his people skills.

Madam Shijimi raised her eyebrows in polite interest. Not one to waste an opportunity, she reached for a second scone as Naruto continued.

"It's about Tora, actually. We...that is, the three of us...were talking the other day about how long it took us to find her, and how scared she must have been lost in the woods that whole time..."

Madam Shijimi nodded along, her eyes welling up with moisture shortly before a third scone joined its fallen brethren. Naruto cast a worried glance at the rapidly shrinking pile and sped up his pitch.

"...anyway, we put our heads together and came up with an idea. We got a friend of ours in operations to put together a transmitter..."

Here Naruto pulled out a tiny tangle of wires wrapped around a small watch battery and covered in black electrical tape. The "friend in operations" was a wholly fictional construct; Naruto had, in fact, wrangled Shikamaru - who had a way with electronics - into cobbling something together. Shikamaru was surprisingly easy to handle; you just had to make cooperating less of a bother than not, which Naruto accomplished quite handily by trailing around after the lazy ninja and badgering him to death.

Shikamaru had been forced to cannibalize Naruto's commlink for parts, but it wouldn't be hard to replace. He'd just pretend to crush it in a fall while training. The little bundle was built to send out a small EM pulse in the 30kHz range every few seconds. Once the mission started, the three of them would tune their commlinks to the appropriate frequency and triangulate Tora's location by comparing the strength of the pulses at their three locations.

Shikamaru claimed the thing was good for several months of continuous operation, which Naruto didn't believe for a minute, but he at least trusted it to last through the week.

 **You realize, of course, just how risky it was to bring an outside party in on this. Once you can support more clones, we may wish to have one of them study electrical engineering. Electronics aren't terribly useful for powerful ninja, since they are so easy to detect and disrupt, but at your low skill level they may provide an edge, and they are in any case rarely studied. Sometimes the unexpected can be more efficacious than the truly powerful.**

Naruto ignored the Kyuubi and kept talking. Or rather, he would have if Madam Shijimi hadn't interrupted at this point, crumbs spraying from her mouth like buckshot.

"Oh! Oh, you darling children, what a clever idea. It simply isn't possible, however. My husband's security team rejects all such requests out of hand. I swear, those grumpy old ninnies don't have a sympathetic bone in their bodies, not even for poor sweet Tora..."

Naruto's face fell. Hinata held her hand to her mouth in sympathetic shock. "How horrible! Has this come up before, then?"

 _Hmm...you know, Kyu, Hinata hasn't stuttered once all day. Is something up?_

 **Well, she** ** _is_** **meeting with the wife of the Fire Daimyo. Her father probably beat the stutter out of her after the first time she embarrassed him in front of someone important.**

 _WHAT?!_

 **I didn't mean literally, meat. Although, it's true that the Hyuga** ** _are_** **famously strict...**

 _That's horrible! But wait, why does she stutter at all, then?_

 **Because she's nervous and has crippling self-confidence issues?**

 _Kyu! You know what I mean!_

 **I do, meat, and it really is that simple. She stutters because she has issues, and she isn't stuttering right now because she was forced to learn not to stutter in this situation. Human beings are remarkably adaptable, and have a tendency to do what is expected of them.**

 _But if she can stop stuttering any time she wants-_

 **No, she can stop stuttering any time she's in a familiar situation with an extremely well-defined social protocol and no obligation to say anything except polite niceties. Also, I would return your attention to reality, meatsack; the dead end is almost done listing all the other ninjas who came up with this idea before you.**

"...and the most recent was a darling girl with pink hair and a bright smile who dropped by just last week. Except that she wanted to put BUGS on Tora. Creepy, crawly bugs. The nerve! She claimed that her gloomy friend could track them somehow. I would have said no in any case, simply on principle, but..."

 **Nope, false alarm. Better get settled in for some more stories, meat; we may be here for a while.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

It was a long, unhappy walk back to Konoha after tea time. Naruto tried to spark a conversation, but Sasuke was irritable to the point of open hostility and Hinata didn't really have much to say. Actually, all of that was par for the course, but they both seemed worse somehow after such a dismal failure. It's one thing to have a plan fail; it's another thing entirely to not even have it get off the ground, and then be told that you were the twentieth or so person to come up with it.

To top it all off, Kakashi was waiting for them at the entrance to Konoha. The gray-haired ninja leaned casually against a tall oak, reading peacefully in the soft sunlight of late afternoon. Naruto reflected that it would make an excellent tableaux, except for his sensei's less-than-savory reading material.

Kakashi snapped his book shut and vanished it into his jacket as they approached. The Jonin eye-smiled, and Naruto was surprised to see that it contained more benign amusement than annoyance.

"Well well well, don't _you_ three look happy."

Naruto gave him a sour look and kept walking.

"Hmm...well, if it makes you feel any better, you thought of it quicker than most Genin."

Naruto stopped walking and harumphed. He was about to say something, but Kakashi plowed right over him.

"I wouldn't have allowed it anyway, of course. Even if Madam Shijimi had acquiesced, or if you had snuck a transmitter into place without her knowledge, you would have found it in an abandoned bush half a mile from where you needed it to be."

"What?! That's cheating!"

Kakashi let out a long, honest laugh at that. "Hmm...I suppose that's one perspective. Couldn't you flip that around, though? Putting a transmitter on the cat isn't exactly fair play."

"Hmph. Fine. There's no such thing as fair play in the world of the Shinobi, anyway."

Kakashi nodded, then tilted his head slightly. "Um...how should I say this? On a mission, that attitude is exactly correct. We're ninjas; breaking rules is what we do. But that doesn't extend to this particular test."

Naruto crossed his arms and turned his face to the side with a huff. "Well, how are we supposed to learn to cheat if you don't let us do it during training?!"

"Oh, I never said you couldn't cheat during training. On a normal mission? Cheat all you like. But this isn't a normal mission, this is a test. Actually, even cheating on tests is fine, so long as they're tests of your ability as a ninja. But this test is more specific than that: it's a test of whether you're combat-ready or not. Before I take you out on missions that might get you killed, I need to know that you can handle yourself if things turn bad. Clever schemes, while reassuring about your overall potential, don't do anything to reassure me that you will survive higher-ranked missions."

Naruto had been getting a lot of practice arguing recently, and that particular line of reasoning felt off to him. Let's see, if he'd ever said something like that, the Kyuubi would have...

"What? Why are you having us track a cat to test our combat-readiness? The two skills are, if not orthogonal, at least only loosely related."

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi was a bit taken aback. Those words just didn't sound right coming out of that mouth. He scratched his head and noted, absentmindedly, that Iruka had never mentioned Naruto's vocabulary, although from what he understood the young ninja _did_ have a clone out reading books all day.

"Hmm...that's a fair point, I guess. Alright, I'll be honest with you guys here. When we go on our first C-rank mission, I am going to sit you all down and explain the protocol for all of our missions that might, if the moon is in the wrong house and you pissed off fate, maybe possibly involve enemy combatants. One part of that protocol will be that if anything goes seriously wrong, your standing orders will be to run away as fast as you can and let me handle it. That means being able to move quickly through the wilderness without making enough noise to scare away animals, and keeping a sharp eye out for traps."

Sasuke didn't look very happy about that. Hinata paled a little when he said the word "enemy combatants", and Naruto's huffy arms-crossed situation hadn't changed much.

Sasuke spoke up for the first time, his voice dripping with disdain. "Even so, _sensei_ ," - and Sasuke managed to make the word sound anything but respectful - "shouldn't we be training to avoid traps, then, rather than look for a cat? A CAT! It's demeaning!"

Kakashi held a hand to his head. sigh _...they're taking this well. I suppose I might as well drop the other shoe now._

"Well, to be brutally honest again, I _was_ planning to seed the forest with traps, once I thought you were good enough to not get your head chopped off by a stray axe blade."

Sasuke gritted his teeth. Naruto wasn't taking it much better, and Hinata had paled further.

Naruto spoke up this time: "And just how long were you planning to make us chase after this cat for?"

"Well...we're going to be doing other missions, too, and normal training..."

"For how long?"

"...half a year, perhaps?"

"..."

"Naruto?"

"...we were going to be chasing Tora around for HALF A YEAR?"

" _Are_ going to be chasing Tora around. And you can put off trying for as long as you want; we'll spread the weekly Tora missions around the squads like normal until you think you're ready. I'm not cruel, after all." Kakashi adopted a particularly self-satisfied eye smile just to irritate the young ninja. If they were going to hate him for this, he might as well enjoy it.

Naruto surprised him by dropping the huffy pose and bursting out into laughter instead. Deep, gut-wrenching laughter that had him almost doubled over. Hinata looked over in worry and shuffled back a step. _Hmm...I hope he didn't just snap on me._

Naruto's laughter eventually worked itself out, and he stood back up straight, wiping tears from his eyes. "HAH! That's a good one, sensei. I can't believe that you think _I_ \- Naruto Uzumaki - am going to take half a year to get good enough to crush this arbitrary roadblock you've placed in my way. Actually, sorry, I take that back. I can't believe that you think _we_ are going to take that long. In case you didn't notice, your squad consists of the future Hokage plus the heirs to the two great dojutsu of the hidden leaf!"

Sasuke looked slightly mollified by the praise. Hinata, meanwhile, suffered a sudden and disconcerting bloodflow reversal as her cheeks shifted rapidly from pale white to crimson red. It was sort of fascinating to watch, actually...

Anyway, if his squad was motivated, then Kakashi's job was done here. He favored the three young children under his care with another of his trademark eye-smiles - one has to keep up appearances, after all - and then simply vanished, calling out as he flashed away: "...oh, and Naruto! One last thing! That commlink you broke is coming out of your paycheck this week."

Naruto's grumbles were music to the copy ninja's ears as he flitted over branches and roofs alike, heading toward the Hokage's residence. He had a report to make on Genin Team 7's early progress.

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	8. 8 - Report!

Sarutobi seemed genuinely delighted to receive Genin Team 7's instructor in his home. It was odd, Kakashi reflected, how informal the old man was. Compared to his meeting with Hiashi, the atmosphere was almost comically relaxed.

The Hokage took all serious visitors in his study, which was the only truly secure room in his house. The walls looked to be made of simple, rough-hewn pine, but they were actually double walls, with thick sound-deadening iron (and more seals than you could count) sandwiched in-between. The room was pleasant and well-decorated, with pictures of the Hokage's "family" - selected from the entire village, seemingly at random, every week - scattered around.

The chairs were as comfy as chairs could be. It was warm. And safe.

There was tea, of course, but it wasn't terribly fancy, and when the Hokage poured it with his broad smile Kakashi couldn't help but feel a nagging sense that the old man actually wanted him to enjoy it.

Visiting Sarutobi always felt like stopping by to visit your kindly old grandfather. People trusted him. In short, the man was incredibly dangerous.

Not because the trust was misplaced, you understand. Kakashi had never known the old man to do wrong by anyone in his village. But this was still _Hiruzen Sarutobi_. The God of Shinobi. The Professor, who was said to have mastered every technique in the Hidden Leaf, many outside of it, and dozens more of his own besides. (The first part was, of course, bullshit, but much like Hiashi's exaggerated legend, it said a great deal that people were even willing to entertain the thought.)

Despite all this, the Hokage still managed to come across as friendly and harmless. And not just on a surface level, either. Kakashi could feel himself relaxing, his many masks melting away, as he leaned back into the over-stuffed chair and took his first sip of tea.

And what was the point, anyway? It wasn't like Sarutobi couldn't see straight through those masks anyway. The old bastard had a way with people, and in any case had known the copy ninja since before he'd had that title, before he'd had the Sharingan, before he was anything more than the proverbial gleam in his father's eye. Why play games with someone who knew you better than yourself, and in any case wanted only the best for you?

Dangerous indeed.

Sarutobi broke the amiable silence between them first. "Well, Kakashi, get on with it. The two of us aren't getting any younger, you know. How are they doing?"

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well...it's only been a few weeks, Hokage-sama, and they are of course children-"

Sarutobi smiled widely. "You can skip this part."

Kakashi laughed and got to the point. "Things are pretty good, considering."

"Considering?"

"Considering that you gave me three seriously emotionally damaged children and told me to train them to kill people."

Sarutobi's face turned grave, and Kakashi winced. He'd meant it as a joke, and he'd forgotten how heavy the old man's burdens weighed on him.

"Er...that is,"

"You can skip this part too. I know what we do to children in this village, and I won't disrespect their sacrifice by asking you to sugarcoat it."

"Hmm...alright. Well, you know their histories."

Sarutobi nodded.

"Um...Sasuke is by far the most powerful. He was a genius even before his clan's tragedy, and seems driven to the point of mania. If we can keep him pointed at the enemy, I expect him to become a powerful single combatant, given time. His teamwork skills are...well, I would say 'subpar', but that doesn't really capture it. On the other hand, he has shown a few signs of progress on this front. Naruto seems to be trying to draw him out of his shell. I assume that you planned that, but I'm not sure how good his chances are."

Sarutobi nodded pensively, folded his hands and rested his chin on them. He chose not to mention the night that Naruto had dragged the young Uchiha to visit him. "How likely is he to become a problem?"

"Hmm...it depends. He doesn't hate Konoha, but he seems...disillusioned. I expect him to remain loyal so long as he sees us as his quickest route to power. If that changes, well...it isn't inconceivable that he could become a missing-nin."

The Hokage sighed sadly and closed his eyes. He looked, for a moment, like a very frail old man. When he opened them again, his eyes were hard, but not without compassion.

"Then I suppose we must do everything in our power to ensure that he continues to see us that way. The Leaf cannot afford to lose one of the great Dojutsu, and I would not relish the task of retrieving him. Or Itachi, for that matter."

Kakashi nodded.

"Um...let's see, what else...Hinata is something of a disappointment. You know her father's...feelings, on the matter?"

Sarutobi nodded, and didn't say anything, although his mouth drew itself into a thin line.

"Well...I won't speak to his conclusions, but his observations are correct. She works hard, but her skill in the gentle fist is passable at best. Her form is fine, but her technique lacks the beauty of her father's. She will likely never be more than passable for her age. Her Ninjutsu is solid, well above average even, but not enough to compensate."

Sarutobi looked more resigned than sad. It was nothing he hadn't heard before. Kakashi continued:

"Worse, her crippling self-esteem issues are, well, crippling. I had heard stories, but...hm, I was still surprised."

Sarutobi set down his tea and looked Kakashi straight in the eyes. Er, eye. "Without speaking to her father's conclusions, do you share his fear that the Hyuga would grow weak under her stewardship?"

"In a word, yes."

There was a long silence then. Not an amiable silence, like before, nor an awkward silence such as might have occurred between two more distant acquaintances, but simply a silence.

"I see. I do not suppose that there is any chance Naruto might bring _her_ out of her shell as well? The Hyuga could survive a modestly talented fighter for a generation, if that were all she lacked."

"Hmm...yes, there's a chance. I might even call it likely."

Kakashi had the rare professional delight of seeing his Hokage momentarily shocked. He also had the strong personal delight of seeing his old friend break out into a broad, radiant smile.

"Why, Kakashi, that's...that's wonderful news! I had no idea."

Kakashi eye-smiled back. "Um...I don't have any evidence, mind. It's just a hunch. But I think that Naruto is too perceptive not to notice her feelings, eventually, and I think that he might find himself caught in the same tides of young love. Whatever his outward bluster, Naruto wants nothing more than for others to accept and care for him. And I don't think he's mature enough yet not to crave her hero worship, once he finds it. They go together quite neatly, when you think about it."

"I see. So your opinion is that they will, sooner or later, form a relationship, and Naruto will begin to chisel away at her shell?"

"I expect it to be rather more like a sledgehammer than a chisel, but yes."

"Fascinating, fascinating...and wonderful news, too. I shall keep an eye on the situation. Of course, it isn't clear that Hinata will come out of this any better for it."

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow at that.

Sarutobi's smile turned a little bit sadder. "Come now, Kakashi, I'm sure you can see the implications. Picture the scene. Hinata has grown into a strong, but not truly powerful, Shinobi. She has beaten back her inner demons. Hiashi can no longer make a credible case that she _must_ be removed from the line of succession, but he still fears for the future of the clan he loves so much. And she comes to him, with her newfound confidence, dragging Naruto by the arm, to tell him that she has chosen her future husband..."

Kakashi winced. He hadn't thought that far ahead, and he really should have. Few parents would want the "demon brat" marrying their precious daughter, and fewer citizens would want him potentially "corrupting" one of the most prominent bloodlines in the Leaf.

"Um...hm. Surely Hiashi knows the truth of the Kyuubi's binding, though? Mixing Namikaze blood into the Hyuga is actually quite reasonable."

"Yes, he knows the truth, but few others do. The political implications alone would be staggering."

Kakashi sighed and rubbed the back of his head. He felt like an idiot for missing that, but Sarutobi had a way of making him feel like he was still a Genin receiving lessons from his instructor.

"So - hypothetically, mind - what do you think Hiashi would do if that happened?"

"I think you can guess."

Kakashi could, actually. The play in his head started with Hiashi forbidding the marriage, continued through several acts where he made Hinata miserable in inventive but deniable ways, and ended with Hinata disowning _herself_ and running away to marry Naruto. There was also an optional epilogue where the two either fled or were chased out of the village and ended up as missing-nin.

The two men sighed together in the incongruously warm and cheery room. Kakashi's cup was empty, and the Hokage poured him another, which was several times stronger than the first from the long minutes the pot had been left steeping.

Kakashi took a sip, letting it burn his tongue for a moment before he regulated the temperature with a quick burst of water chakra.

Sarutobi dispersed the moody cloud with a wave of his wrinkled hand. "Never mind. That is many years away, if it ever happens at all, and we will deal with it when we must. In the meantime, let us simply keep an eye on Hiashi. He has ignored his daughter's young crush so far, since he does not expect her to succeed him, but if that impression should change he might make his move earlier than we expect."

"And when do we expect it?"

"Ah, well, in point of fact, we don't. Hiashi is far too clever for a man with so much power, so I have given up expecting anything of him, because whatever I manage to expect, he manages to do something else. We must simply watch, and wait, and do what we can."

Kakashi nodded. "Hmm...and I suppose that brings us to Naruto, then."

Sarutobi leaned forward, waiting for the gray-haired ninja to continue.

"He is..."

Kakashi paused for rather a long time gathering his thoughts.

"...concerning."

Sarutobi raised his eyebrows at that. "Are his skills that bad?"

"Hmm...no, nothing like that. I mean, he's thoroughly average or below-average across the board, and his chakra control is obviously terrible. His only saving graces are his absurd healing and the Shadow Clone."

The Hokage nodded. "I hear he is using it for training now?"

"Yes, and quite effectively. He may catch up with Hinata by the year's end, and long-term even Sasuke isn't beyond his reach if he limits himself to the correct techniques. But that is not what I found concerning."

Sarutobi put down his cup, giving the copy ninja his full attention. Kakashi paused for another long moment before continuing.

"It...it isn't anything in particular, but several things, taken together, seem off. He is intelligent and perceptive...er, sometimes...which Iruka never mentioned to me in any of our discussions. I spoke with him recently and pressed the point. Apparently Naruto's brains have improved greatly since he was in ninja school."

"A very brief period."

"Hmm...yes. And there are other things, as well. He uses words, sometimes, that don't quite sound right somehow. Words that shouldn't come out of a child's mouth."

"These are ninjas, remember, even if they are children."

"I don't mean morbid or mature words, I mean...words like 'orthogonal'."

Sarutobi scratched his nose, staring off at some abstract point in space. "Is there anything else?"

"It's only a small thing, but he zones out sometimes. He just sits or stands and stares off into space for a minute or two. Iruka told me that he never used to do that."

The old man in the Hokage's hat continued staring off into space. After a moment, he began to drum his fingers. A full minute passed. Finally, he brought his gaze back into the room. He didn't look very concerned, and Kakashi couldn't blame him - they were very small things that he had brought up - but a tiny hint of unease somewhere in Kakashi's hindbrain kept gnawing at him.

Finally, the Hokage spoke. "I have a hypothesis, Kakashi. You say that Naruto has changed since Ninja school, and the one major event that we know of, between now and then, is his learning the Shadow Clone jutsu."

Kakashi nodded. "Hmm...incidentally, Hokage-sama, if you don't mind me asking...what was your intention, in allowing Naruto to learn that jutsu?"

Sarutobi smiled and waved off the question. "Another time, my friend. In any case, our young Naruto has already begun to use the Shadow Clone jutsu in his training. It is a well-studied jutsu, as forbidden jutsu go, but its effects on developing minds are...well, let's just say that Naruto's circumstance is unique. He is somehow able to place a portion of the Kyuubi's chakra into the clones. Nobody has ever been able to support so many well-functioning clones at so young an age."

Kakashi raised his only visible eyebrow. "I think I see where you're going with this."

"Indeed. It may well be that Naruto is aging mentally at several times the normal rate. Or, perhaps, developing in an entirely different direction from normal children, rather than simply going faster. And from what I understand he has at least one clone reading books at all hours of the day. Perhaps the difference between the Naruto Iruka knew, and the Naruto you know, is simply that Naruto has, mentally, gone from a bratty 12 year old to a bookish 13 year old? They do change quite fast, at that age."

Kakashi scratched his head. "Well...it sounds right, Hokage-sama, but I just can't shake this weird feeling about him. You're probably right, but...hm...I plan to keep a close eye on him."

Kakashi punctuated this by pointing at his one visible eye. It was a weak joke, and one he'd used before, but his Hokage still let out a throaty laugh and slapped him on the shoulder.

"Very well. And one last thing, then, while you're here - how are they as a team?"

Kakashi eye-smiled at that. "They're gelling quite well, actually, united by their mutual hatred for my training regimen. Er...or Naruto and Sasuke are, anyway. Hinata's just along for the ride."

~o~O~o~O~o~

Alone on his balcony, Sarutobi took out his pipe and began to sprinkle in some of his good black tobacco. He had it shipped all the way from the hidden sand, where they cured it loose in the sun. It was his one vice, the sole prerogative of power that he took for himself as the leader of the Leaf. Well, that was a lie, but it was the only truly decadent one.

When his pipe was full almost to overflowing, he tamped it down with a gentle burst of chakra from his thumb. Being a ninja was convenient, sometimes. The smoke wouldn't have much long-term effect on his lungs, either.

After a little more busywork, the Hokage put the pipe to his lips and took a careful puff. It was good.

Sarutobi found it useful, sometimes, to busy himself while thinking. With the part of his brain devoted to such useless bookkeeping as where to move his hands and what to do next otherwise occupied, the deeper and more reticent parts could move freely, easing up gently to his conscious mind and whispering secrets that he'd known all along.

Kakashi said that something bothered him about Naruto. Something bothered Sarutobi, too.

The Shadow Clone seemed like a prime candidate - no, _the_ candidate - for Naruto's behavior. Sarutobi stroked his short beard and cast his mind back to the moment he had learned the technique, as seen through the crystal ball.

Even adequate ninjas tended to have exceptionally good memories, and Hiruzen Sarutobi was far from average. He carefully examined the scene his mind's eye.

 _Naruto tries to create a shadow clone. He fails. He does this over and over for hours. Finally, he fails especially badly and falls unconscious._

 _When he awakes several minutes later, he is fine for a moment, then suddenly spasms and looks scared out of his mind. Then he zones out, much like Kakashi described. Then he comes back to reality._

 _He sits on the forest floor for minutes on end, looking distracted and nodding to himself every so often. Finally, he tries again, and performs the Shadow Clone jutsu perfectly._

Sarutobi fiddled with his pipe, taking a puff just often enough to keep it lit. All the evidence was fairly circumstantial, but maybe, just maybe...Naruto had messed up the Shadow Clone jutsu so bad that it had done something to his brain? It had certainly affected him right away, before he'd even successfully made a clone.

Sarutobi's shoulders slumped. He couldn't figure it out. Maybe it was nothing, after all; he had certainly read too much into innocuous behavior before.

For now, he would keep his suspicions such as they were secret, and see what conclusions Kakashi came to on his own.

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	9. 9 - Planning Intermission

Chapter 9 - Planning Intermission

Author's Notes:

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-**

 _Kyu-_

 **-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-**

 _Argh, seriously, Kyu-_

 **-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.**

 _..._

 **...**

 _Alright-_

 **BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-**

 _GOD DAMMIT I'M AWAKE ALREADY SO SHUT THE FUCK UP._

 **Oh! Meat. How nice of you to join me in the land of the conscious. How is your father doing?**

 _Wha-_

 **You know, your father? Or if not him, some other important apparition from your past who descended from heaven to impart crucial and irreplaceable wisdom during your slumber? I'm certain that's what must have happened last night. Because that is the only CONCEIVABLE REASON why you would still be in bed right now instead of up and training the worthless sack of flesh you call a body. NOW GET GOING! We're nearly half an hour behind schedule, and-**

Naruto slipped out of bed and padded around sleepily while the Kyuubi ranted. His rest had been troubled. He'd dreamt, again, of the spinning black orbs. They'd been spinning faster, whispering to each other more urgently, than ever before.

Ah well. Dreams, right? Time for breakfast!

~o~O~o~O~o~

After eating, Naruto poofed into 5 and sent his doubles off to train. In a break from tradition, though, he didn't jump straight up to practice his taijutsu on the crude Kakashi dummy in his room. The Kyuubi had calmed down a little by now (why _was_ he always so grumpy in the mornings?), and wanted to talk.

Naruto wanted to talk too, but about something else.

 _But, Kyu...seriously? Like, seriously? Tora._

 **Yes, meat. Tora.**

Tora _. You're the one who's always telling me how I need to hurry up and become a powerful ninja. You have just as much invested in not chasing a mangy cat around the forest for half a year as I do._

 **Kakashi's reasoning isn't wrong, meat.**

 _Feh, like I'd really run away from a fight like that._

 **You** ** _will_** **, meat. No dead man was ever made Hokage.**

 _No coward was every made Hokage, either._

 **Ah! Your banter is improving. Very droll. But listen to me for a moment. I know how overpowering your cute little human emotions can be. But it isn't only your life that's at stake. If you refuse to run, do you think your teammates will?**

 _Feh. I can protect them._

 **This isn't a game, meat. Do you remember the Genin exam? Do you remember how it felt when you thought that Kakashi had turned Hinata into minced Hyuga pate? Do you remember how helpless you were to stop him?**

Naruto blanched, and felt the sickness from before lapping at the edges of his stomach. The scene was still clear in his mind. Lush green woods filled with chirping birds. Hot, sticky summer sunlight shining through the branches. A pile of wet red flesh that used to be a little girl.

 _...fine._

 **Good. Now-**

 _But wait. Why do we have to run! Wouldn't it be safer to stay near Kakashi, so that he could protect us?_

 **Hah! You chunks of meat really do reside at the center of your own little universes, don't you?. Any group that's a threat to a Jonin simply won't care about three Genin scattering into the woods. They will either be there for a target that you are protecting, or to assassinate Kakashi himself. The danger to your life is that you will be caught in the crossfire. High-level ninja battles produce a great deal of collateral damage.**

 _Then why do we have to train to run away at all!_

 **In case one of them is bored and throws a Kunai at you. Or in case the area around you is booby trapped. Or in case there are weaker foes to contend with. Or any of a thousand other reasons. You won't have to deal with with Jonin-level threats when running away, but that doesn't mean it will be** ** _easy_** **. Or, to put it another way, if you have to deal with Jonin-level threats while fleeing you're going to be dead anyway, but that's no excuse for dying to Genin-level threats.**

 _Hmm...I see a flaw in your reasoning, Kyu._

 **Oh?**

 _You say that nobody will be chasing us because we aren't important. but what about Hinata and Sasuke's eyes? Lots of people want those._

 **You're becoming passingly perceptive, meat.**

Naruto smiled at the praise. He _did_ feel a little different. He'd been reading a lot, after all, and had a private deviousness tutor. The Kyuubi didn't run rings around him the same way he had when they'd first met, all those months ago. Wait, or was it weeks? All the clones he'd been supporting messed up his temporal perception pretty bad.

 _So?_

 **Hm?**

 _So, how do you explain that?_

 **Oh, I have no idea.**

 _WHAT?_

 **Well, meat, I could** ** _guess_** **, but I have no prior information related to how the two great dojutsu of the leaf are protected on training missions. The simplest way to find out is probably to ask; there may be secret protections, but there must certainly be obvious protections as well or someone would have objected by now.**

Naruto felt betrayed. It was strange to think how much he'd come to rely on the demon fox's knowledge. Although, maybe the Kyuubi _did_ know, and was trying to wean him off of his dependence on the fox for information...

 **Bwahahaha! I like this new, suspicious Naruto.**

Naruto could feel a wet smacking sound from deep in the back of his mind. Was Kyu...smacking his lips? That didn't seem to bode well.

 **In any case, we must discuss your training. Your progress is acceptable in some areas, but in others...**

~o~O~o~O~o~

 _So. Genjutsu._

 **Yes.**

Iruka-sensei had eventually given in to Naruto's whining and agreed to teach him the basics of Genjutsu. Iruka wasn't terribly skilled himself, but he knew the basics. Genjutsu, as it turned out, was nothing more or less than the delicate and frustrating art of letting your own chakra flow into your opponent's central nervous system to confuse their senses. Simple in theory, but maddeningly difficult in practice. Creating basic illusions - a strange smell, a flash of light - was way beyond the normal Genin curriculum. Creating whole, convincing illusions like Kakashi managed to was apparently a rare skill even among Jonin.

Genjutsu required almost as much control as medical ninjutsu. To Naruto, who struggled with even the E-rank techniques because of his seal, well...

There was, however, a ray of light.

Every reasonably intelligent ninja, when first taught the basics of Genjutsu, had the same question. Since generally only the most intelligent were deemed worth teaching in the first place, this meant that every Genjutsu teacher had heard the question a hundred times over, tinged with hope or skepticism in accord with the child's temperament.

So when Naruto opened his mouth, a mischevious gleam in his eye, after Iruka explained the basic theory behind Genjutsu, the young academy instructor didn't even let him get the words out before answering.

"And yes, Naruto, you can do it to yourself, but it's almost never worth it. Severe pain will disrupt most Genjutsu, so you can't use it as a cheap painkiller. You can use it to block out sights or sounds that you find distracting, but it takes a lot of focus. Good mental conditioning is easier to learn and easier to sustain. You could use it to hallucinate, I suppose, but half the mushrooms in the forest can do _that_. Basically, it's useless in combat. It _is_ very useful, however, as a teaching aid. Learning to fool your own mind is the first step in learning to fool another's, and moreover, it's basically identical to the process for detecting and throwing off enemy Genjutsu."

Iruka-sensei had lectured Naruto on the theory of Genjutsu for about half an hour - where to put your chakra, what to actually _do_ with it once you had it in the right place, how to detect when it was happening to you, why pain and strong smells could disrupt it, etc. etc. - and then given Naruto a scroll full of self-genjutsu exercises to take home.

Naruto had taken the scroll home, sat down, and run through the entire thing in about half an hour.

He'd gone back to a shocked Iruka-sensei (who secretly suspected him of having received tutelage from Kakashi) that same night and gotten a much more advanced scroll.

That one had taken him almost a day.

It turned out - and Naruto would never have let anyone hear the end of it if he hadn't been keeping the whole thing secret - that the young blonde ninja had unusually good chakra control. In fact, he had downright _fantastic_ chakra control. The kind of chakra control that was usually seen once every few generations.

The Kyuubi hadn't seemed too surprised.

 **I suspected as much, frankly, ever since you mastered a forbidden B-rank technique in a matter of hours and became aware of me. Forcing your chakra through this damnable seal your entire life seems to have served as rather excellent articulation training, and you of course have my power at your disposal when inside your own body, so you needn't even strain to apply both power and precision to the task at hand.**

 _Why didn't you mention this earier?!_

 **Oh, I suppose it never came up.** Naruto could feel the Kyuubi snickering. **In any case, unless you learn more techniques that take place entirely inside your own personal sack of meat, it won't be terribly relevant.**

The Kyuubi forbade Naruto from returning to Iruka a second time, in order to keep a lid on his (currently useless) secret powers, so genjutsu-Naruto had been spending the long summer days stretched out in the woods making himself hallucinate. He could already do simple shapes, sounds, and smells with ease, but it was a big leap from there to "real" illusions. The Kyuubi said he at least had an even chance of detecting real Genjutsu next time it was used against him, but shrugging it off would be difficult.

~o~O~o~O~o~

 _Hehe. I told you I was awesome, Kyu!_

 **Moving on to your academic training...**

Naruto stuck his lip out in a pout, but didn't bother making a fuss about how unappreciated he was.

The Kyuubi didn't really have much to say on this front, except for some cutting remarks on Naruto's attention span. Despite that, Naruto was almost halfway through re-reading (or rather, reading) his old schoolbooks.

 _God dammit. It's not my fault those books are so boring._

 **I've actually been considering this unforseen mental frailty of yours, Meat, and-**

 _Hey, I'm not frail!_

 **-and I think I may have a solution. Rather than devoting a single clone to studying all day,** ** _all_** **of your clones will devote half an hour to this task at the beginning and end of their training day.**

 _Oh. Hmm, that might actually work._

~o~O~o~O~o~

 _So, what about the clone that's out "learning seals"? Having a clone sitting around all day trying to derive hand seals from first principles is getting old. And it certaily isn't helping me catch Tora!_

 **I require your trust on this one, meat. You will, sooner or later, stumble across a path to knowledge on this subject, and it is imperative that the basics be second nature when the opportunity arises.**

 _...fine._

~o~O~o~O~o~

 _Hey, Kyu, do you think it would be OK if I switched my taijutsu training to just focus on speed for a while? It's really kinda embarrassing how much faster that smug Uchiha is._

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **Your progress in ninjutsu is frustratingly slow, meat. I realize that the seal is a burden-**

Naruto could feel the Kyuubi's tail lash angrily against the walls of his mind as it uttered the word "seal".

 **-but still, this rate of progress is unacceptable. Your Transformation jutsu has barely progressed, in all these weeks.**

 _Look, what do you want me to do about it?_

 **That is precisely what I wished to discuss. I have spent the night analyzing the data from your training regimen so far-**

Naruto's heart skipped a beat. What? Data? Since when was the Kyuubi gathering data?

 **Feh.** ** _My_** **mental substrate is much more reliable than your wad of wrinkly pink goo. I remember all the information you take in with your primary senses in perfect detail, and I have been analyzing it.**

That was...sort of disturbing. Naruto promptly ignored it, though, when the import of the Kyuubi's words caught up with him.

 _Wait, so you're saying you have some kinda super secret training regimen for me, Kyu?_

 **Nothing so drastic, meat. But I do have a few...optimizations.**

 **Number one: I have been paying careful attention to the process by which you re-assimilate your clones, and I believe that you have progressed to the point where you can safely support more than 4. I would recommend increasing the number of clones by 1 per day until you reach 8.**

Naruto broke out into a wide, toothy smile. It took conscious effort to keep himself from squealing, which was good, because he would hate to tell this story one day and have to mention that it all started with a girlish squeal.

Because this was _it_. This was his rise to power, in its early days. First 4 clones, then 8, then 16, then 1000...

 **Yes, yes, you're young and enthusiastic, meat. We get it already. But there is more. Number two: I have been observing your sleep patterns, and I believe that time spent unconscious may be a major bottleneck in your training. You flesh sacks do seem to get** ** _some_** **useful work done during your otherwise wasted nights, in that your meaty brains spend the downtime organizing and integrating the knowledge you have acquired during the day. When you were younger, I would see noticeable improvements in recall after a good night's sleep. However, that effect seems to diminish in proportion to how much your clones have learned in the preceeding day, likely because your brain can't keep up with the raw volume of new knowledge. You are, in short, perpetually sleep deprived, at least from a mental perspective.**

 _Ack! Hey, wait, maybe that's why I had trouble waking up this morning..._

 **Doubtful. But in any case, I believe I have a solution. You shall simply have each clone rest after its training, and merge with it afterward.**

 **Which leads me to number three: you need to stop merging with all your clones at the same time. That is by far the period of greatest stress on your mind, and it will only get worse when we go up to 8. Instead, your clones will exist on schedules slightly offset from yours, and you will merge with one every 2 hours while you are awake, then immediately re-create it.**

 _Aw, that sounds annoying._

 **Deal with it. Now, finally, number four: I think it may be time for us to explore the exact nature of my cage.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto had put up some resistance of the "how can you possibly claim this is not an escape attempt" variety, but the Kyuubi eventually won him over.

Kinda.

The ancient demon didn't want him to examine anything about the seal itself, or how to break it. He just wanted to determine the exact nature of the seal's boundary.

Naruto's impressive control, and the Kyuubi's more than impressive power, were both available inside of Naruto's body. But what did that mean, exactly? If he put something in his mouth, was that inside his body? What about if he swallowed it? How much did he have to digest it before it counted as part of him?

Eventually, Naruto agreed to a very limited course of experiments, designed to determine exactly three things:

1\. What boundary, exactly, did the seal delineate?

2\. What happened when outside objects crossed that boundary?

3\. What happened when parts of him crossed that boundary?

Naruto insisted on a whole raft of conditions. He got to choose the experiments, with no input or prodding from the Kyuubi. He would design the experiments as a clone so that the Kyuubi didn't know about them ahead of time. The Kyuubi was to keep his chakra contained and inactive during the experiments until Naruto explicitly asked him to do something with it.

Naruto was taking every precaution he could think of, because the idea of the Kyuubi learning enough about the seal to break free scared him shitless.

Despite that, despite insisting on literally the most stringent conditions possible, Naruto couldn't shake the feeling that he was making a terrible mistake.

A small part of his mind wondered if maybe he _shouldn't do it_ , then, whether he should run to the Hokage and tell him everything, but Naruto squashed that thought with a sad mental smile. He knew himself, knew the levers of his own soul, and it was a foregone conclusion. He was going to accept the demon's offer of power. With the best intentions, mind you, but still. He wanted strength, to protect everyone, to force them to acknowledge him. He wanted it more, he imagined, than anyone had ever wanted anyhing. That was who he was.

And besides, he could handle it. He was Naruto Uzumaki.

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **Well, meat, if we're done haggling over the terms of your investigation-**

Naruto didn't miss the change from "time for us to investigate" to "your investigation".

 **-I have a revised training plan to lay out for you. As we discussed previously, each of your clones will spend half an hour at the start and end of each day edifying themselves.**

 **We will continue with one clone each assigned to Genjutsu and Seals. You, of course, will continue your Taijutsu training. If we assign a full four clones to practice Ninjutsu together, watching for errors in each other's techniques, your progress may proceed at a less abysmal pace.**

 _And the last two clones, once I'm up to eight?_

 **Tell me, meat, which is more important to you? Pride or power?**

 _What the hell kind of question is that, out of the blue? And power, of course, we've been over this Kyu._

 **I am aware, meat, but I find that you humans are more readily held to your principles if forced to articulate them clearly before making a decision.**

 _Um..._

 **In short, I would recommend placing a clone at the disposal of the Hyuga and the Uchiha.**

 _WHAT? How the hell is that supposed to help with my training?_

 **It isn't. It is, however, supposed to help your** ** _team's_** **training a great deal. More one-on-one time will improve your ability to function as a cohesive unit, and a full-time training partner will most likely speed up their progress.**

 _But what about MY progress?_

 **You will be learning teamwork, meat. Besides, it isn't like training with your teammates is** ** _wasted_** **time, even if their improvement will be the priority.**

 _Hm...that's pretty reasonable actually. And we'll be done with this stupid assignment faster if they get better faster, I guess._

 **Exactly.**

 _So, what was all that about my pride and stuff?_

 **Well, as I'm sure you've noticed, the Uchiha isn't one to accept help lightly. He would take it as an insult.**

 _Um...wait, don't tell me-_

 **The way to make him accept this plan is to approach him, bashfully, and ask if he might show you a trick or two in the interests of lessening your burden on the team during missions. If you raise the prospect of capturing Tora more quickly, and moving on to interesting assignments, he should prove amenable to the idea. Once you are training together, it shouldn't be difficult to maneuver yourself into position as a training aid rather than a student.**

 _WHAT? You want me to go to Sasuke and basically beg him to teach me to be less of a sad sack?_

 **I want you to frame your proposal in a way that exploits his psychological profile.**

 _No. What? No. No no no no no no no no-_

~o~O~o~O~o~

"Heeeeeeeeeey-Sasuke! Wait up."

Sasuke paused, briefly, and then continued walking. Naruto hurried to catch up.

"So, um...I was wondering..."

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	10. 10 - Training Days

Kakashi peered surreptitiously through tightly packed branches and shimmering summer air. He didn't _think_ his eyes were playing tricks on him.

It was several hours after regular training had ended, and Kakashi was unabashadly spying on his students. Now, one might wonder: if his pupils were training, and Kakashi himself had nothing better to do than spy on them, then why wasn't he down there instructing them?

In short, because his outward persona was a lazy bastard and never spent more than the mandatory minimum of six hours a day with his team. But if anyone had asked, he would have told them in a sober and responsible voice that it was important, at their age, to learn self-direction and teamwork without him around to interfere.

At the moment, he was trying his best to understand why Hinata had self-directed herself into giving Naruto a high-speed piggyback ride through the forest.

~o~O~o~O~o~

hinata-training-Naruto peered intently at his notepad, air whipping around him, trying his best to read the wildly fluttering pages.

Hinata had, of course, readily agreed to his offer of a free clone for training purposes. (Or rather, she had blushed and stammered something he couldn't quite hear, which he took as consent.)

Hinata wasn't really very good at giving orders, though, and after several unproductive hours he had finally made progress by adopting the role of combination coach/cheerleader.

Thus the notepad. Not having the Kyuubi and his photographic memory around sucked. Naruto had to write things down if he wanted to remember them perfectly. Not having the fox's cruel but accurate analysis of human behavior around sucked even more. He had made Naruto transcribe a sort of flow-chart, though, saying what to do in various situations.

Unfortunately that flow chart hadn't included a box labeled "you're doing speed training for the Tora mission but she's so fast that you can't keep up", so Naruto had been forced to improvise.

Besides, having to run through the forest silently with a giant weight on her back was probably good training, right?

Probably.

Anyway, there was a list of things to do during speed training SOMEWHERE in his notepad. Naruto re-adjusted his awkward grip so that he could flip the page.

 _WHAM TREE GROUND SPINNING TREE AGAIN WHAM_

~o~O~o~O~o~

It was a very good thing that Hinata was devoting all of her attention to rushing silently through the forest at 20 miles an hour without upsetting so much as an anthill. Because if she weren't, she might start thinking about the blonde ninja on her back, and how he had flung his arm carelessly around her neck and how it pulled tight on her throat every time she accelerated and-

 **Whup whup whup. Hold it right there.**

Inner Hinata had temporarily given up her endless teasing and was serving as mental moderator. When Hinata's mind started to wander, she forced it back on track, lest they all crash into a tree or something. When she started to think about Naruto's legs tucked under her arms, for example-

 **Nope! And don't jump onto that birch; it looks dead and rotten through.**

Anyway, everything was going great. As training. Great training. And definitely not a secret plan by Naruto to get close to her, or wrap his arms around her, or-

 **NO! Also, what are the chances-**

Without any warning, Naruto shifted his grip and grabbed her chest. Hinata's brain went FWOOSH out her ears, she slipped, and they all crashed into a tree.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi winced as Naruto ricocheted off two trees and went flying headfirst into a thorn bush. Hinata, who had been lower to the ground, at least managed to roll onto her feet instead of bouncing around like a pinball.

Kakashi briefly entertained the hypothesis that they were deliberately messing with him, but discarded it out of hand. He was hiding, and they were Genin, which meant they had no idea he was nearby.

A skilled Chuunin, or another Jonin, on the other hand...

Kakashi flickered into a nearby tree where the branches grew together more closely. Hinata's security detail was somewhere in these woods, probably watching the same scene he was. Not that they meant him any harm, of course, but he wasn't in the habit of being casually observed, just as a matter of principle.

Besides, there were appearances to keep up. There was a delicate balance of power in the Leaf, between the clans and the Hokage, and the centralized training all Leaf ninja went through was a major counterweight to the natural bonds of blood. The different clans were educated together, at the Ninja academy, then placed into Genin teams with non-clan members, and educated by a non-clan Jounin for most of the day. It kept the leaf cohesive, and lowered the chances of a coup.

Of course, most children received instruction from their clan as well. Kakashi was hardly fit to instruct Hinata in the gentle fist, for example.

Allowing the clans with stealable bloodline limits independent guards during training was a major concession, and their power was sharply circumscribed. They could interfere if Hinata's life was in danger, or if someone were holding her down and about to pluck her eyes out, but that was basically it.

That compromise rested, ultimately, on faith in the Jonin instructors. (Which, incidentally, is why Genin are always instructed by Jonin rather than Chuunin, despite the former being few in number and greatly in demand.)

And that faith in the Jonin instructors relied, in part, on appearences, which was why Kakashi always paid attention, in a vague way, to the fact that he was being watched by Hinata's guards. (He was also being watched by Sasuke's guards, and by Naruto's, although the young blonde ninja didn't even know he _had_ guards, since he didn't know just how terrible it would be if someone from the leaf got the wrong idea and tried to kill him. Those guards didn't matter so much, though, because their first loyalty was to the Hokage.)

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto finally wrested himself from the thorn bush, rubbing his head sheepishly. He was bleeding heavily from half a dozen large puncture wounds. Actually, it was amazing that he hadn't popped. No Kyuubi meant no super-healing, just a jumble of life-giving red chakra inside him that he didn't have the skill to use. That might be worth looking into, actually, medical ninjutsu couldn't be all THAT hard...

The young ninja shook his head. Focus. Where was Hinata? Er...actually, that was a serious question. Where was she?

~o~O~o~O~o~

Not two hundred feet away, two Hyuga Chuunin perched in the tallest branches of a tree, watching intently. The one on the left had a tight face, as if trying not to smile, while the one on the right had given up on decorum and was just staring.

"Psst...hey, is it just me, or are they playing hide-and-seek?"

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata stood ramrod-straight behind the trunk of a birch, listening to Naruto's approaching footsteps over the sound of her thudding heart.

 _Oh my god oh my god oh my god please tell me I didn't just..._

 **Hey, calm down. CALM DOWN! He's fine, that's not even the real Naruto.**

Just as Naruto was about to cross to her side of the tree, she spun around the trunk and flashed a dozen meters to crouch behind a decaying log.

 _But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that he doesn't think I'm...I'm a stupid klutz or...or..._

 **I SAID CALM DOWN GODDAMMIT! Look, we slipped, it's fine.**

 _I...I threw him into a thorn bush!_

 **We SLIPPED because he GROPED YOU. It's fine.**

 _But..._

 **IT'S FINE! Gawd. Now go find him. He probably thinks we ran off on him. Hm, where did his footsteps go...**

Hinata felt the air behind her move, and without thinking, she jabbed her elbow backward into the center of the disturbance.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Something sharp caught Naruto under his ribcage, sending the breath flying out of him. Stumbling back, it occured to him for the first time that sneaking up on a student of the gentle fist might have been a stupid idea, even if she WAS hiding from him for some reason. (Also, that elbow hadn't felt gentle at all!) Where was Kyu when you needed him?

At least Hinata didn't run away, this time. She was just standing there, both hands in front of her mouth, too horrified to blush for once.

Naruto's forced a breath of air into his uncooperative lungs and gave her a shaky smile. "Hinata-chan! Glad you're...oof...alright."

Hinata's face slowly relaxed from a look of horror into a look of shame when she realized Naruto was OK, and her normal blush returned. Naruto took that as a good sign.

Hinata's eyes were far away, like she was listening to something. Naruto waited awkwardly. The young Hyuga's vision finally focused, in the vicinty of Naruto's shoes, and she bent her head in a deep bow.

A small voice came out: "I...I'm...I'm sor...sorry..."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. He sucked at this sort of thing.

"Er...what for?"

"Well...I...the thorn bush, and then, then I hid, and then I hit you, and, and..."

Naruto scratched his cheek thoughtfully. "Heh. Yeah, you must really not like me or something, huh?"

Naruto followed the joke up with a winning smile, but Hinata just seemed to shrink, drawing in her shoulders and bowing lower. Her posture reminded him strongly, and uncomfortably, of a squished bug. After a few tense moments...she gave a tiny squeak.

"What was that?"

Hinata hesitated, then squeaked again, even more quietly.

Naruto bent over, cupping a hand to his ear.

Hinata breathed deep, gathering courage, and...squeaked just a tiny bit louder. No good.

Naruto knelt down, bringing his head to her level, and leaned in close to her face. He could see each bright-red pore on her nose, and Hinata had to shut her eyes to avoid making eye contact.

Hinata drew breath again, and this time Naruto could just barely make out the beginning before her voice trailed off: "I...I don't...".

Naruto threw caution to the wind and put his hands on her shoulders. Fortunately, she didn't ninja flip him out of habit. He could feel her shaking inside her oversized hoodie. He was struck, more on a visual level than a verbal level, by the utter contradiction in front of him. A reed trembling in the wind, a tornado of destructive light and force. The heir to a powerful clan, a scared neurotic girl of 12 that desperately cared what he thought of her.

Naruto's gut twisted, and he felt himself getting angry. Something was wrong with this. With whatever had made things this way. Why...why did...

Without thinking too much - and maybe Kyu would have berated him for it, but Naruto didn't care - without thinking too much, he stood up and pulled her into an awkward hug. Hinata tensed, arms bunched up between her and the young ninja. Slowly, slowly, she relaxed. The shaking softened, and then subsided, leaving nothing but the two of them and the stillness of the forest.

Hinata's mouth was right next to his ear. She braced herself, and forced it out in a whisper.

"I...I don't...I don't not like you, Naruto! I don't not like you at all."

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto walked home slowly, hands clasped meditatively behind his head. The rest of the afternoon had passed in a blur, literally. That girl was FAST.

Of course, he could have just popped himself back at the forest, but he had a notepad to carry back, and in any case he wanted a chance to compose his thoughts before relating the day's events to his favorite demon. Naruto felt like something large had just passed over and through him, like an important choice had been made, somehow, even though he hadn't reached any sort of conclusion about anything.

But Hinata didn't not like him. And that wasn't nothing.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Back at his apartment, Naruto-prime was whistling as he poured buckets of blood down the drain of his chipped sink. _Hm...I wish someone would walk in right now. They'd look horrified, and then I'd say "don't worry, it's mine!". It would be even better if I had some on my face and shirt...but that would be a pain to wash out..._

 **I would wager that you are being watched in any case, meatbag. But, yes, the way you humans are disgusted by your own components** ** _is_** **rather amusing...**

Naruto wrinkled his nose at that.

 _Argh. I totally forgot the Hokage has people on me! What are we gonna tell them, Kyu?_

 **A foolish thing to forget, meat. Especially as I will not be around to remind your clones of their less-than-private existence. In any case, I would advise truthfulness: tell them that you are experimenting with how fast your chakra control degrades in various situations. They will likely be able to puzzle it out themselves. I sincerely doubt that they** ** _will_** **ask, however; they don't know that you know they have guards watching you, and they are unlikely to tip their hand over something minor.**

 _Hum. Fair enough, I suppose._

Naruto went on about his work, and his headmate fell uncharacteristically silent. Kyu was taking his promise not to interfere in the course of experiments extremely seriously. So far he had only answered when spoken to, and had done nothing with his chakra except turn bowl after bowl of Ramen into flesh and red blood cells for Naruto to spill.

The findings had been fascinating, actually; his chakra-

 _BANG_

Naruto's door slammed open, disrupting his recollections. A clone hurried in, threw a notepad onto the floor, and popped himself.

Naruto's mental focus flickered as the day's information washed over him, but he kept his grip on the bucket. It was getting easier to handle every day.

He absentminedly popped the clone back out, and his lazy-ass other self went off to sleep. Anyway, his chakra...had...wait, Hinata-chan had what?

 **...Hinata had** ** _WHAT_** **, meat?**

 _Erm..._

 **MEAT...**

 _Hey hey hey wait! No, it's something good, it's just..._

 **Harumph. Very well, then. Recall the event consciously, in as much detail as you can.**

Naruto saw no reason not to; his clone's vague emotional confusion was starting to spread, and for some reason he felt a desperate yearning for the Kyuubi's cold, dispassionate analysis.

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAH!**

Naruto narrowed his eyes peevishly. Wait, the Kyuubi couldn't see that...eh, what the hell, he could probably feel the intention.

 **HAAAAAAH! Ah. Heh. You really didn't know? Really? You can tell me, I won't laugh...**

Naruto didn't believe that for a second. Why did the Kyuubi act like an adolescent asshole whenever it was least convenient?

 **You _didn't_ know!**

Maybe it was all an act. Maybe the Kyuubi wanted him to believe that he had emotions, that he wasn't a perfectly logical force of evil and terror. Or maybe being in a human body affected him somehow. Or maybe...

 **I mean, come on. She can't even talk to you without blushing and stuttering. More than normal, I mean. She stares at you with that scared, dreamy expression whenever she thinks she can get away with it. I don't think she's** ** _ever_** **said no to** ** _anything_** **you've asked of her. Hell, she let you grope her for "training". I mean, you'd have to be some sort of total idiot not to...**

Fine _, I get it already! I'm a huge idiot! But then why does Hinata...I mean, all she said was that she didn't not like me, right? Maybe I'm reading too much into it._

 **Aw, look at the widdle ninja with his adowable emotions! Who needs Genjutsu, you seem perfectly capable of warping reality to suit your own needs already.**

 _God DAMN you're annoying._

 **It's what I do, meat. But seriously, if you missed this - and I know you did, it's not like you're alone in here - then you have an emotional blind spot the size of Konoha. Maybe it's because you two just hit puberty, actually. You might literally not know what all the cute little butterflies in your stomach mean.**

 _Why didn't you_ tell _me?_

 **Because it was funny?**

Something clicked in Naruto's head. All those times the Kyuubi had been laughing its tail off...

Naruto gave up and let his head sink into his hands, sighing. How long had this been going on for? Revisiting his old memories in light of this new information was like waking up one morning and realizing that, hey, Kakashi had been a bug-headed monster from the underdark this whole time. So _that_ was why he'd had those giant faceted eyes! Ripping off Sasuke's head and sucking out his pulp made so much sense now, in context!

But, wait...

 _What's the_ real _reason that you didn't tell me, Kyu?_

 **Whatever do you mean, meat?**

 _I mean, if I know you - and maybe I don't, apparently I'm an idiot, but if I do - then you wouldn't let me stay ignorant of a potentially important social lever just for a few cheap laughs._

 **Ah, yes. A fair point.**

 _Well?_

 **Well, I could bring out that tired old line about forcing you to discover things for yourself, since you may have information obtained via your clones that I myself am not aware of.**

 _A classic._

 **I could also tell you a heartwarming story about how I wanted you to discover her feelings on your own, since true love doesn't take well to meddling. With some references to Oxytocin and cognitive dissonance, of course, to keep it believable.**

 _That probably would have been educational._

 **But the real reason, simply put, is that I felt no need to interfere when things were already going well. She grew more infatuated with you by the day, as your confidence and bluster began to intermingle with actual displays of competence.**

 _Wait, what?_

 **Well, now that you're here I may as well spell it out. S-L-O-W-L-Y, so that your wrinkly pink excuse for a storage engine can hold onto it. Our little Hyuga princess is much like you, meat, or rather much like how you were once perceived. She feels incompetent, by the standards of the Hyuga if not those of normal ninja. She feels unloved and abandoned; her father does not have time for her, and her mother is simply gone.**

 **Now, she responded to these stresses by turning inward, by becoming quiet and neurotic, slow to anger and quick to please. It cannot have been a particularly happy life.**

 **But then, of course, she met a certain young blonde idiot - the worst ninja in his class, by a long shot-**

 _Hey!_

 **-an orphan, and despised by the rest of the village for some unknown reason. But this boy, in a situation much like hers, but many times worse, was nothing like her. He was loud and boisterous, confident and outgoing even when nobody in the world acknowledged him.**

 _But-_

 **Never mind that her neuroticism and his manic enthusiasm were simply two sides of the same lonely and maladjusted coin. Never mind that-**

 _HOLD ON!_

 **...yes?**

 _Could you stop monologuing and get to the goddamn point already? Your oh-so-precious training schedule doesn't have a time slot for amateur psychoanalysis._

 **I'm hardly an amateur, but the** ** _point_** **, meat, is that she idolizes you. She sees someone in her situation, only worse, who fights on in spite of everything, who has the confidence that she wishes she could have, however undeserved. Never mind reality, that's what she sees. When she hit puberty, her feelings of admiration developed into a deep and enveloping crush.**

 _Erm..._

 **This point of view on her part is, naturally, quite useful for our purposes. And despite your ignorance of her feelings, you are doing rather well at encouraging them. Your mastery of a forbidden technique and sudden growth in perceptive capability - with a corresponding growth in the respect accorded to you by authority figures - gives you a sense of success, of momentum. She feels like you're going places, and that maybe she can too.**

 **Just as importantly, you freely offered her your peculiar brand of honest and guileless friendship. Growing up as the weak daughter of a powerful clan, I would guess that she has previously been exposed only to obsequious servants and openly dismissive family members.**

 _That's terrible-_

 **There is, of course, a certain degree of speculation involved whenever human emotions are on display. In any case, I have rarely seen a young girl so smitten, and as her affections seemed to be deepening despite your ignorance, I saw no need to upset matters.**

Naruto (who had sat down a long time ago) lay back onto his bed with a _THWUMP_. It was a lot to take in.

He was more than a little confused, by a lot of things. By Hinata's feelings, and...by his own, actually. How did he feel about this? Usually he knew how he felt about things right away. He either liked them, or hated them. He liked Ramen. He hated losing. Stuff like that was simple.

But Hinata...well, he definitely liked her. Probably? She was a little dull to hang around, sometimes, but she was strong and kinda smart and she was nice to him. Yeah, he liked Hinata. But did he like her the way he liked Ramen, or the way he liked Iruka-sensei? Or another way entirely? There had been that feeling, walking home, whatever it was...

Ah well. He could work all this out later. He'd see Hinata tomorrow for training, and whatever happened would happen.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata sat in her room, on her bed, afraid. She wasn't sure _what_ she was afraid of, exactly, but she knew she was afraid.

It was dark in her room. Her father had almost certainly been informed of the afternoon's events. He would be along, soon, and would...would...

Hinata felt herself clutching the prim sheets in her hand, and forced herself to relax.

The compound was restless, only half asleep. Hinata wasn't sure what her father would do, but she knew it would be bad. Something wonderful had happened to her today. No, that wasn't right; it hadn't just _happened_ to her this time. She'd finally told Naruto that she liked him, plus or minus a double negative. And he hadn't rejected her outright! It was like a dream come true, and on the way home she'd felt like she was flying.

Except now she was at the part of that dream where her wings fell off and the earth rushed toward her.

Hinata heard footsteps, and wondered whether it was her father walking to her door. Good things just didn't happen to her. Not for very long, at least. The hammer was coming down, and it was coming down soon, even if she didn't yet know what the blow would crush.

The footsteps passed. Hinata sat in the dark, waiting, uncertain about her future. The only thing she felt certain about was that her father would come, and afterward everything would be all wrong again.

And so she waited, and waited, and the compound grew dark and quiet, and still she waited, until finally she lay down for a moment to rest her eyes, and awoke to find morning light pouring through her window, her father nowhere in sight.

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	11. 11 - Blood is Thicker Than Ink

NARUTO'S MENTAL EXPERIMENT JOURNAL DAY 1 - BLOOD AND CHAKRA

Hey self! This is my entry for the first day of experiments. I hope these textual mneumonics actually work, because I can't write this down, and I certainly can't trust the Kyuubi (hi Kyu!) to remember for me if I don't trust him to help in the first place.

Anyway, today was a productive day. I got some rough numbers for how much my control decays over various distances. It was sort of a tricky proposition - how do you even measure that? - but I settled on measuring the average error when using my chakra to move 1ml of my own blood 1 foot (e.g. 1% off target, 5% off target...). I had to use part of myself to get numbers on how good my control is inside myself. More on that later.

So! Going outside my own skin cuts my control by a factor of 10, right off that bat. Going a foot away from me cuts it by another 10, and going more than a dozen or so feet costs _another_ 10\. So 1000x worse than normal when I'm trying to diguise a log for the Body Replacement jutsu. Rough!

But what does that mean, exactly? That discontinuity at the boundary of my skin is just begging to be exploited.

So, here's what I've found out:

* Just putting something in my mouth, or even swallowing it, doesn't do anything. My control jumps at the edge of my tongue or the walls of my stomach.

* If I put food in my stomach and wait, bits and pieces of it break off and get digested, at which point they count as part of me. It isn't continuous, though. I can feel my control shoot up instantaneously when it's digested "enough". Simple carbs like Ramen go through this process _fast_ , like within a minute, and once it's part of me Kyu can use his Chakra on it to turn it into flesh or blood or whatever and heal my wounds. MAJOR PRIORITY #1 - figure out what causes this sudden shift, see if I can abuse it.

* Stuff I can't digest never counts as part of me. There are some weird edge cases here. If I eat something with iron in it, like enriched breakfast cereal, I can affect the iron pretty fast, but if I just swallow an iron nail nothing happens. MAJOR PRIORITY #2 - figure out how much I can push this, and why it happens in the first place.

* If something is removed from me, it stops being part of me as soon as there's an air gap. (Or a water gap, or anything really.) Cutting off a piece of skin isn't very helpful. If I put the removed body part back in place, it immediately counts as part of me again, no need to "digest" it. If I damage it enough, though, that effect stops. MINOR PRIORITY #1 - figure out the limits on this; how much time apart from me, how much cell death, how much abuse, etc.

* MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH #1 - Things count as part of me as long as they are alive, were once part of me, and are connected by an unbroken path of living cells. If I dip my finger in a pool of my still-living blood, any bits of severed flesh in the pool count as part of me! If the blood dries, though, it counts as dead. It takes about 20 minutes for even a small amount of blood to completely dry out (although it might take less in a dryer environment), so this is probably good for an entire fight. URGENT PRIORITY #1 - figure out techniques that leverage this. MAJOR PRIORITY #3 - is there a way to keep blood from drying? How long will the blood cells count as "alive" outside my body if I do keep them from drying? (This may take more than a day to test.)

* MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH #2 - Bones count as alive, as long as they're in contact with me! (Hair and nails don't, unfortunately. Nor do earwax, urine, sweat, tears, or excrement. Most cartilage does.) Bones take a relatively long time to "die", and they die from the inside out, so my control over the surface is good for a long time. URGENT PRIORITY #2 - figure out a way to form my bones into weapons without freaking everybody out.

* URGENT PRIORITY #3 - Learn medical Ninjutsu! It will make things so much easier. It may also let me do more with the fox's Chakra in my clones.

* MINOR PRIORITY #2 - Find a cheaper source of Ramen for bulk calories. Maybe put on some weight?

* MINOR PRIORITY #3 - Learn more about seals. (This would be an urgent priority, but I still don't know where to learn more.)

* LONG-TERM PRIORITY #1 - Figure out the underlying rules here. This all seems pretty random, and it would give me a better idea of where I could cheat.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling, but not truly seeing it. He was committing his journal entry to memory. It was relaxing, in a way. He didn't need to think about anything complicated, like Hinata; just run through the words over and over. Even the Kyuubi was being quiet. It was, he realized, the first peaceful moment he'd had in a long time.

He let his mind wander a bit, once he was done. Thinking about using the Kyuubi's chakra in his clones had reminded him of something...

 _Hey, Kyu?_

 **Hm? I take it you're done.**

 _Yeah. I have a question, though._

 **By all means.**

 _Earlier today, with Hinata, my clone took quite a bit of abuse without popping. It got thrown into a thorn bush, then Hinata landed a pretty solid hit. Any idea why that might have happened?_

 **Hm. Intriguing.**

 _So, what, that's a yes?_

 **I have a few hypotheses. Tell me, do you know** ** _why_** **your clones "pop", as you call it?**

 _Erm...because otherwise the technique would be way overpowered?_

 **Hah! You may be more right than you suspect, meat. But the** ** _proximate_** **cause is that the damaged clone deviates too far from your "normal" self. The technique has very little processing power, so it offloads most of the work by using your own conception of yourself to form and manipulate the chakra bodies. When the bodies deviate too far from this self-conception too quickly, as when they are struck or punctured, the jutsu is unable to compensate and the entire effect falls apart.**

 _Hm...that's kinda vague, but OK. And why didn't my clone pop this time?_

 **Perhaps it is simply the result of practice? Or perhaps your self-conception has become more fluid? Those two might go hand-in-hand; from the perspective of what you remember, you're now spending the vast majority of your time in chakra bodies. We will need to keep an eye on this.**

Naruto nodded absently, drumming his fingers. Something else the Kyuubi had said...

 _So, just hypothetically, Kyu..._

 **Yes?**

 _If I were able to change my self-conception, would my clones change as well? Because that could be really useful; I could produce a clone that's a small fly, for example._

 **A clever thought, meat, but impractical. Your true body would fail to function, if your self-conception were so radically altered. You would be unable to breathe, for example.**

 _Drat. What about-_

 **A purely cosmetic change? It's certainly possible on a theoretical level, but I'm not sure quite how one would go about it. Maybe a memory-altering jutsu? In any case, there are easier ways to diguise yourself. Even with your poor control, it would probably be easier to simply master your Transformation jutsu.**

Naruto's face fell. He hadn't even realized that he'd been smiling.

 **Don't take it so hard, meat. It was a good thought. And one you should keep in the back of your mind; a true Shinobi must know many impractical techniques, simply because one of them will frequently become practical at the strangest of times. If you continue to have clever ideas, it can only end well. As long as I am here to guide you away from the more dangerous ones, that is.**

Naruto drummed his fingers absently.

 _Actually, Kyu, that brings up another question I've been wondering about. Why doesn't_ everyone _use the Shadow Clone to train?_

 **You mean aside from the fact that they haven't read the forbidding scroll you "stole"?**

 _Yeah, aside from that. Why doesn't the Hokage use it for example?_

 **Who said he doesn't?**

 _Wait, does he?_

 **How should I know?**

 _KYU!_

 **Alright, very well. The question you** ** _mean_** **to be asking, meat, is why doesn't the Shadow Clone underpin every sufficiently rigorous training regimen, since it accelerates the process so drastically? Or, rather, why haven't you heard about it being used in that capacity?**

 _Yeah, that!_

 **Well, I'm sure that some powerful ninja do use it to train. For many, however, it is not nearly so useful as it is for you. Remember that your chakra is split evenly between your true body and the clones. For most ninja, splitting their chakra this way would render them unable to practice their most powerful jutsu, and what's more, their chakra pathways would eventually atrophy due to lack of use. You, meat, are unique in that the chakra available to you - that is,** ** _my_** **chakra - vastly exceeds your ability to handle it. You can split into 4 clones, and still use your chakra pathways at maximum capacity.**

 _Wow! I_ am _amazing!_

 **Moreso than you might think, meat, even setting hubris aside.**

Was the Kyuubi trying to be...kind? That was a chilling thought. What could...

Naruto's face fell again. He'd thought of something _else_ while his mind was wandering, too, and of course the Kyuubi had picked up on it. Actually, the Kyuubi must have known he was done memorizing the second he'd finished. It wasn't like he was alone in here. Which meant...

 **Indeed. You might as well come out with it, meat. You'll feel better afterward.**

 _Well...it's just...you know, Hinata..._

 **Is a very unhappy young girl.**

 _Yeah. That. And, it's like, there's no...I dunno, there's no reason for it. She should have_ everything _. Her family is powerful._ She's _powerful. She could beat 99.99% of the planet's ass in a fight._

 **Considerably more than that.**

 _So, why? I mean...why does it have to be that way?_

 **Well, as we discussed, the Hyuga succession-**

Naruto slammed his fist into the bed, taking care not to break it in half. _That's not what I mean!_

 **...ah. Are you curious, then, why the world is cruel? Why people must suffer?**

 _No! I mean, that too, but...I'm not talking about people who lose their parents in an earthquake, or are born into slavery, or...or any of that. That sucks too. But everything went_ right _for Hinata. She was born into a powerful house, in a prosperous village, in a time of peace. I guess her Mom died, which sucks, but that's not the root of her problem. It's like...how can things go this wrong without anything actually going wrong?_

 **I see. You don't understand why those in power - such as Hinata's father - would create a world where their own children suffer? Not by accident, but simply as a matter of course? Why the world is set up so that children like Hinata are systematically crushed, not by entropy or fate or their enemies, but by their own loved ones?**

 _Er...yeah. And, I mean, I know that it isn't_ everyone _-_

 **It's more than you might think, meat. Hinata. Sasuke. You. Kakashi had his own tragedy when he was younger, from what I remember. While I am not intimately familiar with the entirety of your genin class, I would guess that fully half of your classmates lead lives of quiet desperation, in one form or another. And the Leaf, especially under Sarutobi, is among the kindest of the hidden villages.**

 _Why? How-_

 **How is it that the warmest of the ninja villages, under the kindest Hokage in its history, is so full of sad children?**

 _Yeah, that!_

Naruto waited for a response. The Kyuubi usually replied instantaneously, and it was a little unnerving to have him hesitate. The young ninja realized he was holding his breath and let it out, slowly. He forced his shoulders to relax. He was really worked up about this, maybe because Hinata's life had reminded him of his own.

After a full minute, the Kyuubi picked up the conversation again.

 **There is no way to say this, meat, that will truly comfort you. Believe me, I have looked for one. So in lieu of comfort, you will have to make do with brutal honesty.**

 **The root of the problem, meat, is that Ninjutsu must be learned while young if one is to maximize the student's potential. On top of that, it is best learned in...stressful situations. Combat, for one. The Leaf is kinder than most on this front. There have been villages where students are forced to kill each other to graduate.**

 **But being kinder doesn't change the fundamental calculus. The Leaf is, essentially, in the business of producing child soldiers, who with luck and training will go on to be among the most destructive forces in the world. Perhaps that doesn't sound strange to you, since you've been raised in it, but in most parts of the world using children as soldiers is considered a war crime. And the clans are dynastic, of course, which introduces its own problems.**

 **Most children spend their time engaged in play or wholesome work. That is normal for humans. So when you have children who are instead raised as lethal tools, surrounded by death and terror, with sole responsibility for an ancient line thrust upon their shoulders...well, it doesn't usually end well. At least not for them. The hidden villages exist to produce well-calibrated weapons, not well-adjusted human beings, and they do a damn good job of it, all told.**

Naruto sighed. He didn't really have anything to say to that. It seemed...well...it was just sort of depressing. If this hadn't come up, he'd probably still be jumping for joy over his experimental progress. Literally jumping. Or maybe going out for Ramen. As it was, though, lying in bed and feeling depressed seemed like a better choice.

At least now he was thinking about it, though. He could do something about it. Maybe. When he was Hokage...

Naruto frowned. Hm. Being Hokage didn't seem quite as glamorous as it had a few hours ago. He'd always known that the job involved hard decisions, but...choosing for Hinata to end up like she did, even if it was the right choice...he wasn't sure he wanted that.

His dark mood didn't last for long though. He was Naruto Uzumaki. He'd become Hokage, and then he'd fix things. Simple as that.

~o~O~o~O~o~

"Simple as that, huh?" Kakashi asked.

Sarutobi nodded. "Simple as that."

"And why, might I ask, are we doing this now?"

"Elementary, my dear Hatake. Imagine that you are Hiashi-"

Kakashi closed his eyes, wrinkling his brow. Sarutobi smiled. Most other ninjas, even other Jonin, would have taken that as a rhetorical request. Copy-ninja Kakashi, however, was actually imagining himself to be Hiashi. He was good at it, too.

The two ninjas were once again sharing tea in Sarutobi's study. Kakashi had just finished reporting on Hinata and Naruto's antics. Shortly thereafter, they had begun to plan.

When Kakashi opened his eyes, looking rather more reserved than before, Sarutobi continued.

"Now, Hiashi, imagine that Kakashi comes to you with this proposal. Since you're Hiashi, you of course know that it was at my request. You probably know several other things you have no business knowing, as well, and you see the proposal immediately for what it is - a plot on my part to strengthen Hinata and harm your eventual attempt to oust her. Now, tell me: why should you go along with this plan?"

Kakashi sipped his tea calmly. "I can't see any reason why I would, Hokage-sama, if it's a plot against my interests. Unless I had some deeper plan...but that isn't a very productive line of thinking."

"Indeed, indeed. Tell me, Kakashi, are you familiar with the term 'Adverse Selection'?"

Kakashi dropped his Hiashi-mask and blinked. "Hm...I'm afraid not."

Sarutobi nodded. "Nor would I expect you to be. It's a term from demon-lore, which I know you have not studied. And I envy you your ignorance."

Kakashi waved it off. "Let's give you one less thing to envy, then. Tell me more."

Sarutobi nodded, stirring his tea thoughtfully.

"Well, let's say a demon wants to play a game with you, as demons are wont to do. Worse, the demon wishes to make one of their famous unbreakable deals. He is willing to gamble his eternal servitude against your life. High stakes, in other words."

Kakashi nodded along. It was less riveting than folk-stories about demons and their games or bargains, but the shape was the same.

"The game is a simple one. The demon wishes for the two of you to go straight to your home, speaking to no one, and open the third cabinet from the left in the kitchen. If there is a spoon in that cabinet, he will take your life for his own. If there is no spoon, you will have his eternal servitude."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. This was deviating rather drastically from the template.

Sarutobi leaned back in his chair, looking pleased. "Well?"

"...well, what?"

"Do you take the bet?"

Kakashi didn't even have to think. "Of course not."

"And why not?"

"Because if he's willing to bet so much, he must _know_ that there's a spoon in that cabinet. He probably just put one there."

"Exactly. That's what the demons call Adverse Selection. The fact that he wants to bet with you means that he thinks he's going to win. By definition, he only wants to offer you bets that are bad for you. So why take the bet?"

"I see the parallel to our problem with Hiashi. Why take a bet, or follow a plan, proposed by someone who wants things to come out badly for you?"

"Indeed. So, tell me, why do people ever bet with demons?"

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head at that one. "Er...because they're foolish?"

"True, but sometimes even the wise bet with demons. What causes them to do it? What if, say, you knew sign language, and so without speaking you could signal your wife, at a distance, and tell her to remove the spoons from the cabinet?"

"Well...does the demon know I know sign language? Because, if so, he must have taken that into account. Perhaps the spoon is glued to the cabinet."

"Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. You only want to bet with the demon if you know something that he doesn't know you know. And vice versa. Assuming the demon thinks you're smart, he only wants to bet with you if he knows something that you don't know he knows. That's why smart people bet - because they each think they know a secret that the other doesn't suspect. And perhaps they do; in the end, it might come down to which secret trumps the other."

Kakashi scratched his chin thoughtfully, letting his eye wander over the room as he pondered.

"Hmmm...it's certainly an interesting perspective. I'm afraid you're still a step ahead of me, though, old friend. What secret does Hiashi know, that would make him amenable to our proposal?"

"Oh, I have no idea. And perhaps he has no such secret, or dislikes the plan for some other reason, and will reject it out of hand."

"Then I'm afraid I still don't follow."

Sarutobi smiled. He enjoyed games like this a little too much for his own good.

"Well, I'm afraid I misled you a bit with my previous explanation. Let's say you and the demon both wish to bet. By the previous logic, you both have a secret. So now, since you're both smart, you both _know_ that the other one has a secret. You may think your secret is better, but it is still a risky proposition, especially because you know that the demon must think _his_ secret is better. And so on."

"Er...yes, I see the problem. So how do you break out of that loop?"

"Well, that is actually a point of contention among scholars of demon-lore. The demons themselves say that two perfect demons, after making their positions clear, should estimate the exact same probability of the spoon being in the drawer. They may bet with foolish humans, but they will never bet with each other simply because they disagree. As a general rule, they only bet for reasons besides the stakes."

"Besides the stakes?"

"Yes. In our original story, the stakes were valuable, the bet was trivial, and there was no cost to not betting."

Kakashi pondered this for a moment. "I see. And if you relax any of those three..."

"Indeed. If the stakes were trivial, you might bet simply because it would make an amazing story. Or if the subject of the bet were important, and the stakes less dear, you might care enough about the outcome of the bet to risk the stakes. And, of course, if there is a cost to not betting...well, there's a reason why poker players have to ante."

Kakashi took a moment to absorb this. Sarutobi busied himself with the silly tasks of existence, scratching and shifting, leaving Kakashi to his thoughts. Finally, the Jonin spoke:

"Hm. That...makes sense, I suppose. I'm a little fuzzy on why an important bet changes the equation, however."

"Well, there are many ways. You see, betting proves what people actually believe, and perhaps more importantly changes people's behavior. If you were to stake your life on the success of a mission, I would then know with virtual certainty that you expect the mission to succeed. If I took the bet, then you would presumably go to great lengths to ensure the success of the mission, which you otherwise might not have."

"Ah! Yes, I can see that. So sometimes the bet is more important than the stakes themselves?"

"Or else they are equally important, and the goal is simply to change the spread of risk. That is how shipping insurance works, for example. But we're getting off topic."

"Quite."

"Now, in our particular case, the stakes are valuable, but so is the bet, and there is a high cost to not betting. If Hiashi does nothing, Hinata will eventually succeed him; if he wishes to change that, then he must be willing to take certain risks. He is still a cautious man, but he is at least willing to play."

"I see. So Hiashi has already 'anted' and if he folds every hand he will eventually lose. But still, why _now_?"

"Why any other time?"

"That doesn't really answer the question."

"No, but it frames it correctly. We are not trying to pick a good time to act, but the best time to act. And, for our purposes, the best time to act is early on, while Hiashi still believes Hinata can be saved, and while we have time to recover from any errors. We are acting now, specifically, because things are just beginning to change rapidly."

"And why is that the best time for us to act?"

"Well, if things were stagnant, Hiashi would be deeply suspicious of any plan we proposed. He would wonder what had precipitated it, and worry that we had a secret while he did not. Hinata and Naruto are moving toward...well, something age-appropriate, I hope. Hiashi will believe that we have learned something from this, and knowing the 'source' of our overture will put his mind at ease. Further, he may well have drawn his own conclusions from it, and have a secret he may wish to bet with."

"Why not wait until things are changing even more rapidly, then?"

"Well, as talented as Hiashi is, he is a very ordered man. He works best when he understands everything that is going on, or when he believes as much. I, however, thrive in chaos. He knows this. I know this. Where he plans, I simply react, and if we wait for Genin Team 7 to throw more balls in the air, he may simply decide that he cannot handle the complexity as well as I can, and grow hesitant to bet once again."

"I see. So this is our only window?"

"It is our best window."

"And why do we wish to bet at all? Why not let things become 'chaotic', and then let Hiashi fold over and over again until he is running out of time and must take a worse bet than he would now?"

Sarutobi sighed. These conversations with Kakashi were fun, and he would enjoy them more if the subject matter were less serious.

"Well, we have anted too, you see. We're not playing a zero-sum game here. If Hiashi fails to oust Hinata when she is older, it will not be a pretty thing to watch. He will gain nothing, but she - and possibly Naruto - will lose a great deal. As I have said, I would like to finish this while he still believes that she might be saved, even if he thinks it unlikely."

Kakashi nodded absently.

"Hm...a very pretty explanation, I have to admit. And that detour into demon-lore was certainly an effective distraction. But, if you will excuse my saying so, that justification seems entirely too complicated. I suspect that you have more information - a 'secret', as you say - which, for the good of the leaf, you cannot share with me."

Sarutobi smiled sadly at that. "Ah. An entirely reasonable suspicion, old friend. I will remark, however, that sometimes very simple principles have very complicated explanations."

Kakashi inclined his head respectfully, drained his cup, and left.

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	12. 12 - Plans

sasuke-training-Naruto sat on the ground in a front of a wide, flat stump where he'd spread out his many papers. (How there came to be so many wide, flat stumps so far from any sort of logging industry was a mystery, but Naruto had his money on some sort of slicing jutsu.)

Sasuke was about 10 feet away doing sprints. He'd been at it for almost half an hour, and wasn't even out of breath. Naruto was a little jealous, frankly. (He certainly wasn't jealous of his teammate's giant loose collar, though. It had its uses, but it acted like a sail at high speeeds.)

Positioning himself as a training aide hadn't been very hard at all. Even better, Sasuke turned out to be less of a headache when you were quick to acknowledge his speed and skill. It had taken a lot of mental conditioning, but Naruto was finally at a point where he could compliment the Uchiha without his stomach turning sour. (Actually, at some point it might be worth examining what his reticence to acknowledge Sasuke's empirically obvious physical superiority said about his own psyche. But that could come later.)

Complimenting Sasuke had become easier once Naruto had begun training with him, because he had begun to understand just how hard the Uchiha worked. Naruto had always assumed Sasuke was just a spoiled genius - and he was certainly that - but his training regimen certainly helped. He slept about 6 hours a night (which hardly seemed optimal to Naruto, but there it was), and he spent the other 18 training, with no breaks except for food and stretching. He seemed _driven_. More driven than Naruto, even, who worked hard but still spent several hours a day messing around.

 _Hmm...note to self. Maybe Sasuke is irritable in social situations because he'd rather be training? Try socializing while doing training that doesn't leave you out of breath. Or training that_ does _, say it's breathing training or something._

After their first few sessions, when Naruto had related a summary of the day's events to the Kyuubi, the fox had observed that the very best ninjas tended to be incredibly talented, amazingly driven, _and_ just plain lucky. So it was to be expected that one as good as Sasuke, in addition to being born with the Sharingan and being a natural genius, should also work harder than Naruto. It still rankled, though, and made it much harder to resent him.

It got a little easier again when Naruto looked down at his notes. There was something extra galling at having to take detailed notes on how fast Sasuke was pulling away from him. It had been barely a month, and Sasuke could already run a mile in a minute flat. Hinata was down to Sasuke's old speed (a mile in 2 minutes), now that she was focusing almost purely on speed in her free time. Naruto, by comparison, was lagging way behind. His training trick with the clones didn't really work for Taijutsu (the damaged muscles simply poofed away rather than healing back stronger), so he was stuck doing it in his normal body.

Still, he'd made a lot of progress in other, more interesting areas...

~o~O~o~O~o~

Kakashi took a careful sip of his tea, keeping his eye on Hiashi, who sat across the table. They were once again visiting in Hiashi's casual receiving room, but the atmosphere was very different from their last meeting. Hiashi's face was as inscrutable as ever, but the way he held himself spoke of hope, and of caution, but above all of resignation.

It had been more than a month since their last meeting, but not yet two. Kakashi felt briefly happy, that he would be able to give his old friend what the man so desired, and promptly hated himself for the feeling. It was unworthy, and his first duty was to his pupils. He hoped that Sarutobi had read the situation correctly, or else he would be doing Hinata a great disservice.

Hiashi sat ramrod-straight on the other side of the table, barely moving except for his eyes. His Byakugan was active, as always, and his heavy formal robes lay still around him. It gave him an air of finality, and of power, like a pillar of granite placed there long ago.

Kakashi broke the silence first.

"Thank you again for inviting me into your home, Hyuga-sama. I feel that we have much to discuss."

"Indeed, Hatake-san."

"First of all, on the subject of your daughter's training..."

"No need. My clansmen have been reporting on her progress."

Kakashi blinked, taken aback. It was unlike Hiashi to interrupt him. Perhaps the man was truly anxious, behind his mask, or else wished to appear so...

"Hm...very well. I have been thinking on our previous discussion. I will not lie to you; I am concerned about your intentions for Hinata. At the same time, however, I understand why you wish her to be...'pushed', I believe you said."

Hiashi nodded, briefly, his eyes still locked on Kakashi. Kakashi wasn't an easy man to unnerve, but Hiashi was certainly making a decent effort. After a moment, the copy ninja continued.

"Hmm...how should I put this? I think, having seen her progress this last month, that Hinata might be well served by a more aggressive and hands-on training regimen. But I also fear for her safety. I have discussed the matter with the Hokage, and he agrees on both counts."

Hiashi entirely failed to stiffen at the casual mention of Kakashi's conversations with the Hokage. But then again, the man almost certainly knew of them already. Once again, he gave the briefest of nods, and left Kakashi to continue.

"Well...in short, he asked me to relay a proposition to you, Hyuga-sama. As you must already know, I have promised Genin Team 7 that when they are able to catch Tora in under 5 minutes, I will take them on a C-rank mission. Normally, we would start them out with very easy C-rank missions, like killing wolves that threaten local livestock. If I attempted to sign them up for more dangerous missions, the Hokage would surely object."

Hiashi's still demeanor broke, and he leaned forward, raising his eyebrows by the tiniest amount. He seemed to sense that Kakashi was coming to his point.

"In light of the...distinguished lineage of the team, however, the Hokage has indicated that he is willing to make an exception, provided that he believes Hinata is able to defend herself. He is willing to allow them to undertake bodyguard C-rank missions immediately upon catching Tora within my arbitrary time limit."

Hiashi seemed taken aback. Apparently Kakashi was finally giving him news he hadn't heard before.

"I see. This is good news, Hatake-san, and your efforts are appreciated. I wonder, however, what might be suitable to convince our Hokage that my daughter is capable of defending herself?"

"Well, he had a very specific request, as a matter of fact. He wishes for you to begin personally instructing her in the gentle fist once more. And...although I confess that I do not understand all of his reasons, he wishes for Naruto to assist in that training."

Hiashi sat and thought. There were no clocks in the room, but Kakashi had a good internal sense of time, and fully 10 seconds went by before the man spoke again.

"Very well. We are agreed. I will instruct my daughters in the gentle fist simultaneously for four hours a day, as my time allows, and Naruto may be present for this. I perform this task in good faith, with no tricks. In exchange, once Genin Team 7 manages to capture Tora within 5 minutes of entering the forest, they will undertake the next class C bodyguard mission that becomes available. You will see that this happens in good faith, with no tricks."

Hiashi held out his hand as he spoke. Kakashi didn't miss how the man was "agreeing" to a very specific deal that they had not discussed in detail, but after a moment's thought - just long enough to be awkward, with Hiashi's hand hanging in the air - he decided that it was all above board. The two men shook hands firmly, and Hiashi seemed to relax as they did.

"I am very pleased with this outcome, Hatake-san. I thank you for endeavoring to find common ground between me and the Hokage on this matter."

"I am glad you are so pleased, Hyuga-sama."

"Are you terribly pressed for time this evening? I was wondering if we might discuss other matters, briefly."

Kakashi kept his face neutral. He hadn't come prepared to discuss anything else tonight, and he didn't like being caught unprepared around Hiashi. Still, what was he to say?

"My evening is yours for as along as you can spare your time, Hyuga-sama. What did you wish to discuss?"

"My daughter's...teammate, Naruto."

Kakashi swore in his head. He'd hoped this conversation wouldn't happen, after the first time Hiashi had ignored it, but of course the man would be concerned about his daughter's affections for...

"What do you think of him? As a ninja, that is."

Kakashi blinked. He hadn't expected this line of questioning. Why would Hiashi be interested in Naruto as a ninja?

"Hm...I'm not sure what to tell you, Hyuga-sama. I have seen nothing that your clansmen haven't. He is very perceptive for his age, but also something of a buffoon. He lacks talent, but he works hard, and the Shadow Clone should take him far."

"Do you think he is truly a buffoon? Or do you think it is a mask?"

"If it is a mask, then he is a child prodigy in the field of deception. His instructor from Ninja Academy assures me that he has always been that way. If anything, it is the perceptiveness that strikes me as suspicious."

"I see. But simply because he acted like a buffoon before, and acts like a buffoon now, that does not imply that his motivations have stayed the same. Perhaps it was in earnest once, when he was young, and as he grew older he simply continued the act?"

Kakashi scratched his chin. "It's certainly possible. It begs the question, however, of whether there is any difference between a buffoon and a man who acts like a buffoon. Isn't a buffoon simply one who acts a certain way?"

Hiashi waved his hand. "Words. You know what I mean. When it comes down to it, when his life - or my daughter's - is on the line, how do you believe he will act?"

Kakashi thought about that one. It was one of his best traits, that he actually took the time to think about important questions.

"I believe that his irreverence is real, and not a mask. I believe that his humorous incompetence is either a mask, or something very much like a mask which he can discard when he truly must. So I am certain that he would go to great lengths to save your daughter's life, or his own, but that he is as likely to choose the length 80081355 as any other. This may, in fact, be an advantage."

Hiashi nodded slowly. He had gradually relaxed as the meeting had gone on, and now he was as close to casually chatting as Hiashi Hyuuga ever got.

"Very well. I suppose that satisfies my curiosity. One more question, however: what does our Hokage think of Naruto?"

Kakashi was smart enough not to answer that one.

"Ah. What you really mean, of course, is 'why does the Hokage wish for Naruto to be present when I train my daughter', right?"

Hiashi smiled, and Kakashi, who knew him well, caught a hint of sharpness around its edges.

"No, I believe I can grasp his intentions in that regard. I simply do not understand his _reasons_. I know what he believes, or what he is pretending to believe, but I cannot for the life of me see why he believes it. I am simply curious whether there are any hints to be found in his opinion of the young man."

Kakashi took a long sip of tea. It was quite cool at this point. He had almost forgotten how easy it was to find yourself wrong-footed in a discussion with Hiashi. Did the man truly understand, or was he trying to get Kakashi to give something away by pretending he already knew? The Hokage had shared some of his motivations, but who knew whether they were his true reasons or not? And would he want them shared? Kakashi certainly didn't know _everything_ , so the safest course would be...

"Er...perhaps you can enlighten me, then, Hyuga-sama, because I confess that I cannot see the totality of his reasoning myself, as I said earlier."

"Very well. He has at least three goals. One, he wants Naruto's confidence to rub off on my daughter. Two, he believes that Naruto will eventually lead your team, and that will require a certain level of rapport with both my daughter and the young Uchiha, which his Shadow Clone jutsu equips him well for. Three, he wants to make sure that I do not shirk Hinata's training, and belives that Naruto is so obstinant that even _I_ could not silence him if he thought I were doing wrong by my daughter."

Kakashi stared down into his cup, ruminating. The Hokage had mentioned all three of those, and they were well within Hiashi's ability to discern. But he'd gotten the sense, earlier, that the Hokage wasn't saying something, and now Hiashi seemed to be digging for information...

"Those are all very plausible, although I'm sure the Hokage has faith in your word, Hyuga-sama. But you said that you do not understand his reasons?"

"Indeed. I have made many attempts to instill confidence in my daughter, none of them successful. Even if she had confidence, she would not become more talented, or more clever. I do not understand why he believes that Naruto will succeed where my own efforts have failed. And I do not understand why he believes that Naruto will be able to lead such a...difficult pair of Genin effectively, regardless of rapport. In fact, I do not even understand why he has placed them all under you. I would have placed Hinata under Yuhi-san, who might serve as a role-model, and I certainly would not have put two volatile personalities like Sasuke and Naruto together. Something I do not understand is going on in our Hokage's mind, and as it concerns the fate of my daughter, it concerns me as well."

"I see. You are aware of Hinata's feelings for Naruto?"

"Perhaps better than you would think."

Stupid question. Hiashi was competent, and this was his _heir_ they were talking about.

"Well, please keep this in confidence, Hyuga-sama, but he believes that Naruto will eventually return those feelings. I suppose you would call it sentimental foolishness, if I proposed that our Hokage simply trusts in the power of love to win through?"

"Not at all. Love is an extremely powerful force. I have seen good ninjas die to protect their children, and any force that can kill a talented Shinobi is surely a force to be reckoned with. But Hinata is not in love with Naruto. She is infatuated with him. No, she is not even infatuated with him; she is infatuated with the idea of him."

"Yes, but her feelings are strong. I'm not sure about dying for him, but she truly cares for him, Hyuga-sama."

"There is truth in that. Perhaps you are right; it would be too like Hokage-sama to pin his hopes on young love. But I am far from certain that he has no deeper thoughts on the matter, and so I am still interested in hearing what he thinks of Naruto."

Kakashi eye-smiled and lifted his cup. Hiashi wasn't easily distracted. He decided to buy some time while he figured out what, exactly, the Hokage would want him to say.

"Very well. His opinions are similar to mine, for the most part..."

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **Alright, let's breathe deep. Everything is under control. This is what we wanted, right?**

Hinata listened to her inner voice for once, breathing in, then out, in then out...

The air smelled like feet, and sweat, with a ferric undertone of blood that never quite went away. It was mid-afternoon, and the Hyuga main dojo had already seen some use that day. It was empty now, of course, as it always was when Hiashi wished to use it.

 **Good. Good! Now, when Naruto gets here...**

Hinata's chest seized up.

 **Bad! Bad. Keep breathing.**

 _But, but Naruto...and my father...and-_

 **Hey-**

 _And, and even though I confessed, or sort of confessed, or whatever, or I said something, all those months ago, or a month ago, I don't know, nothing's happened, Naruto hasn't said anything and father hasn't said anything and-_

Hinata's internal voice was so panicked and ragged that she was forgetting to stutter.

 **Hey! HEY! Remember the breathing? We were doing so well a minute ago. Now look, there's a lot of shit going on with Naruto, and with our dad. And it's really good to think about that. But now is** ** _not_** **the time. Do we really want to work everything out with Naruto in front of our dad? Or vice-versa? Or, god forbid, get them talking to each other?**

 _No...well, no..._

 **Right. Now, as I was saying, everything is under control. This is what we wanted. We wanted to train with Naruto, we wanted dad to start training us again, now** ** _both_** **are happening at once. Everything is** ** _peachy_** **. And we need to keep it that way. So we're going to stay focused on training, and if Naruto starts doing something especially stupid we're going to distract him with a silly request. Ask for your running data from two weeks ago or something, that boy couldn't keep a notebook straight to save his life. Got all that? And breath deep, for Kami's sake.**

Hinata closed her eyes, trying as hard as she could to breathe deeply and evenly. She decided that it was a bad sign when inner-Hinata was being the responsible one. It meant that there wasn't room to fuck around, and, in fact, there wasn't. Naruto could end up _dead_ if he let his emotions get out of hand and attacked Father. Well, probably not dead. Even the head of the Hyuga couldn't just murder children of the Leaf. But maybe crippled for life. Or something else deniable as self-denfense. Or maybe he'd just wait until Naruto left, and follow him home, and...

 **No! Wrong train of thought. Naruto starts doing something stupid, we just distract him. And dad would handle things peacefully. He's smart, and he's good at people. Now come on, breathe deep.**

The door slid open, and Hinata jumped a little. Her heart was racing. How had she not heard anyone coming?

Oh, right. Ninjas.

Her father walked in, looking stern as always. Behind him trailed her sister, Hanabi, and next to her...

Next to her was Naruto, rubbing the back of his head with that goofy grin plastered on his face. Hanabi was smiling too. Maybe he'd made a joke?

 **Shit. When did he get here? Have they been talking? It doesn't** ** _look_** **like he pissed anyone off yet-**

Hinata didn't process the rest of her inner self's analysis. Naruto and Hanabi were hitting it off. The moment they'd walked in like that she'd been struck by an overwhelming, unfounded, and utterly illogical fear that Hanabi was going to steal him from her too. Actually, add "selfish" to that list of adjectives, since Hanabi probably deserved him more, selfish and-

 **Wait. Hold up. Steal him from us** ** _too_** **? Are we finally admitting that we resent Hanabi, just a little bit?**

 _What! N...No! I just...s...she..._

 **Alright, well, add Hanabi to the list of people who it is** ** _really important_** **that we eventually work stuff out with, but just not today. Cool? Cool. Now get your head in the game, they're gonna start talking to you soon. And remember, deep breathing!**

~o~O~o~O~o~

 _So...let me get this straight. You're saying that meeting me in the small dumpy room rather than the big fancy room is a_ compliment _? Not that the dumpy room is all that dumpy..._

 **You, meat, are an idiot. Remind me to explain counter-signaling to you at some point, not that you should need to know about it to understand a case as simple as this. He is trying to be friendly, which surprises me. And as cliche as it may be, I don't like surprises. I want you on your best behavior today.**

The Kyuubi had insisted that Naruto attend Hinata's first few training sessions in his true body, as the fox wished to observe the situation personally (or demonically, rather). That had turned out to be a good call, as Naruto was beginning his new adventure by having tea with Hiashi Hyuga and Hinata's younger sister, Hinibi or Haniba or something...

 ** _Hanabi_** **, meat. Best behavior. If you don't know a name, ask me.**

 _Sheesh, fine. What's got your tails all in a bunch?_

 **This meeting may be very important for your future. Trust me on this. Or, if that is not sufficient, remember that Hinata's happiness may depend in large part on your relationship with this man.**

 _I know, I know. I'll be polite. I'll use people's real names with the correct honorifics and everything. Happy?_

Naruto considered sipping some tea, but thought better of it. The tea was in one of those stupid handleless ceramic cups that got as hot as the boiling water inside them. Hiashi's chakra control was, of course, fine enough that he could shield his hands from the heat without shattering the cup. Naruto wasn't so lucky. Actually, wait, how was Hanibi-

 **HANABI. BEST BEHAVIOR.**

...how was Hanabi holding her cup so calmly? She was, what, 8? 9? 7? Either she was a prodigy, or the heat just didn't bother her.

Anyway, Naruto resolved to simply ignore his tea. It wasn't like having tea with conversation served any _real_ purpose. He instead turned his attention across the table.

Hiashi was, of course, intimidating. If this was him being "friendly", Naruto certainly didn't want to see him mad. Naruto noticed that the older ninja had his Byakugan activated. Was he expecting a fight?

 **He always keeps it active, meat. It is as effortless for him as breathing, or so they say, and he apparently has the chakra reserves to support it.**

OK, that was worth remembering. Mental note: Hiashi is a badass.

 **Coarse, but accurate. You would do well to be wary of him, meat.**

Hiashi's youngest daughter was far less imposing. Maybe it was her height. She stared up at Naruto with blank white eyes, serene but unsmiling. She was cute in that way little kids are, but she also seemed...well, hmm. What was the word. Not old. Hard, maybe? Not quite. She had a sort of self-confidence, a stillness, that was also in her father. Naruto noticed that she didn't hesitate to make eye contact with him. The contrast with Hinata was sharp, and not particularly flattering for her older sister.

Hiashi spoke first.

"Welcome, Uzumaki-san. I have heard a great deal about you."

Naruto blinked at that. What should he-

 **Be careful, meat. He is obviously keeping tabs on his daughter's teammates. He has heard about your new and surprising competence, and he is intrigued by it. He appears to be fishing for clues. You most likely are not competent enough to actively deceive him, but you must by no means give him even a glimpse of the truth. Avoid as much of the topic as possible, and if you must lie, lie by omission.**

 _Got it. So we're running defense?_

 **Not quite. You see, if he is mildly curious for information about you, you should be** ** _burning_** **for information about the situation we are currently in. Why is he training Hinata again? What does that say about his plans for the succession? Why are you here? Clans almost never allow outside observers for such training, although the Gentle Fist is unusually difficult to steal, as it relies so heavily on the Byakugan. I realize that you have little experience conducting important conversations, but you must attempt to solve these mysteries even while keeping your own secrets. If necessary, you may trade a small secret for a large one, but run it by me first.**

 _That all sounds hard, Kyu. I know you want me to learn to do things for myself, but can't you just tell me what to say?_

 **I might make an exception here, meat, if I could. But If he wishes to discuss Hinata's training, which I have no memory of, there would be a sharp change in your style of conversation. We don't want to suggest that there is anything "special" about your main body, such as, for example, a demonic inhabitant. I will, however, try my best to keep you from making any fatal errors. One such error, for example, would be continuing this conversation with me long enough for him to grow suspicious.**

Naruto could see the reasoning behind that. Let's see, if he wanted to deflect questions about himself, and fish for information on the current situation, all in a way consistent with his normal behavior...

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, giving Hiashi a wide grin. "I guess you must be hearing very good things, Hyuga-sama, to invite me to aid in your daughter's training like this."

 **Not bad, meat. That came across more as "toadying" than your usual flavor of "overconfident asshole", but he'll probably buy it.**

Hiashi smiled, then, and took a long sip of his tea before responding.

"Well said, Uzumaki-san. I am glad to learn that the rumors of your uncouth personality are unfounded. I have been hearing very good things about you indeed. I believe that my daughter trains with one of your clones during much of her unscheduled time, correct?"

 _"Uncouth personality"? Was that an insult?_

 **He was politely informing you that you were not acting as you usually do in public. For example, you didn't shout, point a finger in his face, or say anything about becoming Hokage. Who knows which persona he believes to be a lie? In any case, you can probably act a touch more like your normal self without offending him.**

Naruto liked the sound of that.

"Hah! I wouldn't say 'unfounded'. And yeah, I train with Hinata a lot. She's getting better waaaaay faster than I am. Er, I came in person today, though. It seemed like it would be weird to meet for the first time as a clone."

Hiashi's smile deepened a bit, around the edges. He seemed to be enjoying himself.

"I appreciate the gesture, Uzumaki-san. In the future, please feel free to attend my daughter's sessions in whatever form is most convenient for your own training. It will not be...'weird'."

Hanabi turned to look at her father, her expression still blank. Actually, she hadn't made a single facial expression in the conversation so far...

 **Poker face. She is not skilled enough to lie, so she simply says nothing. You could learn from her, meat.**

Hiashi turned his head, looking straight through the wall, and spoke again.

"You must find yourself curious as to the circumstances of your invitation to attend my daughter at her training, Uzumaki-san, but it appears that she has already arrived at the dojo. Shall we depart ourselves? I'm sure that we will be able to discuss matters in detail at a later date."

 **Ah, one-way seals on the walls. Or else a very excellent bluff. Good to know.**

 _What was that about a "later date", Kyu?_

 **It was vague. Perhaps he was holding out the offer of information on the political situation surrounding you at the moment in exchange for the information on yourself which you are withholding. Or perhaps he has somehow already learned all that he wishes to know from this brief conversation, and wishes to distract you. He might even actually be concerned about keeping Hinata waiting. Who knows? We shall simply have to wait, and watch.**

Naruto was just glad that he'd gotten through the "important conversation" unscathed, even if he hadn't accomplished any of his secondary goals. As they left, Hiashi's eyes lingered for a moment on Naruto's untouched cup of tea.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hanabi and her father stayed silent on their walk to the dojo. The compound was active, but all the sounds seemed far away. The courtyard path was well-kept, and in the orange rays of the low afternoon sun it reminded Naruto of nothing more than a tranquil painting. It all seemed very peaceful, without being lonely. Naruto couldn't help wondering, just for a second, what it would be like to live here.

Just as they reached the door to the dojo, Hanabi turned to him, without warning, staring up at him with her blank white eyes. When she spoke, her voice was soft but strong, and he didn't need to strain to hear.

"Uzumaki-san. I have a question. What do you think of me?"

Naruto didn't even hesitate. He gave her two thumbs up, smiling toothily. "I like you, Hanabi-san. You remind me of your sister."

If Hanabi objected to being called by her first name, she didn't give any sign. Hiashi stood with his back to the pair, not reacting to their conversation, but not proceeding forward.

"I see. And you like my sister?"

 _RED ALERT! RED ALERT! Kyu, what?_

 **She's 7, meat. Take it at face value.**

"Of course."

"No, I mean, do you really like her?"

Naruto thought about it for a second.

"Yeah, Hanabi-san. I do."

"Do you like her because she is the heir to the Hyuga?"

Naruto sure didn't need to think about that one.

"Of course not! I like her because she's my teammate. I mean, not just because of that. She's kind, and thoughtful, and she's a little shy, but she always means well, and tries hard..."

Naruto paused, realizing he was rambling, then started up again slower.

"...and when she isn't being shy, or embarassed, or trying super hard, when she's just being her, she has a sort of gentleness about her. A serenity, maybe. It's hard to put my finger on it. But you have it too, Hanabi-san. That's why you remind me of her, I guess. So, yeah, I'm rambling, but I do like her. Really."

Hanabi smiled, then, for the first time all day. It was like dawn breaking over an ocean, bright but calm. She spoke again:

"I'm glad."

Naruto grinned back at her. Hiashi, who had said nothing this entire time, opened the door to the dojo, and the three of them walked inside.

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


	13. 13 - Patter

Author's Notes: Someone was kind enough to send me some fan art (imgur dot com / C5eN7D8), which inspired me to clean this chapter up and get it off my hard drive.

~o~O~o~O~o~

 _Whoosh_

 _Phwap_

 _Whoosh-phwap_

 _Whoosh_

 _Clink_

 _Whoosh-phwap-whish-whoosh-phwap_

...

 _Whoosh_

 _Hey, Kyu?_

 **Yes, meat?**

 _This is...kinda boring._

Hinata and Hanabi were sparring in the center of the dojo. Gentle Fist sparring, as it turned out, wasn't much of a spectator sport. Gentle Fist strikes didn't need to land hard to do damage, and there was no reason to _actually_ force chakra into your opponent's Chakra Pathway System during training. Instead, Hinata and Hanabi would engage just long enough for one of them to get a solid touch in (usually on the torso), at which point the loser would politely bow and both would retreat a few steps before engaging again.

The only moments of excitement came when Hanabi, whose reach was shorter, resorted to projectile weapons to make up the distance. A kunai to stretch her reach a few precious inches, a shuriken to push Hinata back and off balance, simple things like that. Hinata and Hanabi were both too skilled to accidentally slice each other up during training, however, so even with a few sharp bits of metal flying around the duels were pretty dull. Naruto wouldn't be surprised if both of them ended the session with nothing but a few scratches to show for it.

Despite the dullness, Hiashi was watching his daughters very intensely. Naruto might have been imagining it, but the veins around his Byakugan seemed to be standing out more prominently than before.

 **Meat, despite constant - one might say** ** _unrelenting_** **\- exposure to your idiocy, the experience never loses the verve and intensity of the very first time I was subjected to your monumentally moronic worldview.**

 _Er-_

 **Boring. BORING! I'm sorry that being an** ** _eye witness_** **to the** ** _private training_** **of the** ** _only two possible Hyuga heirs_** **, under the personal tutelage of** ** _Hiashi Hyuga_** **himself, the greatest living practitioner of the greatest surviving Taijutsu in the** ** _entire Leaf_** **-**

 _Good thing you don't have to pause for breath, Kyu._

 **-is too boring for you to stomach. You should give up on this ninja business and become a florist. I'd be willing to sacrifice my own immortal existence as one of the most powerful beings on this plane, just so that I won't have to continue watching you embarrass yourself like this. I'm serious, meatsack, you aren't cut out for it. In fact-**

 _That sounded more sarcastic than serious._

 **WELL AT LEAST YOU'VE LEARNED PEDANTRY, EVEN IF NOTHING ELSE I'VE TAUGHT YOU HAS STUCK.**

The demon fox hadn't been this upset in a long time. Naruto had almost missed it.

 _Speaking of, since this situation is so_ important _, so_ interesting _, since it must be just_ lousy _with valuable tactical and strategic data, maybe you should be NARRATING instead of CRITICIZING._

 **...**

 _..._

 **...fine. Observe the younger Hyuga, especially her eyes. What do you see?**

 _Hm?_

~o~O~o~O~o~

Once Naruto started looking, it was obvious. In multiple ways. It was obvious what she was doing, and it was an obvious strategy in retrospect. The Byakugan granted perfect 360-degree vision. So, obviously, there was no need to look directly at your opponent.

Obviously, but incorrectly. A major tactic in taijutsu fights was feigning tells. Looking left and punching right. Punching right, briefly, then turning into a roundhouse. Things like that.

Of course, these tactics only worked because _most_ of the time tells were real. It's easier to land a punch if you watch while you do it. So there's a tradeoff, between the quality of a blow and how well-prepared that blow will find your opponent.

Hanabi, however, didn't have to choose. She could turn her eyes to the left, but keep her attention fixed on her right hand. It was a sizable advantage, and she made good use of it.

She would follow her striking hands for one, two, sometimes three exchanges, then lash out with a perfectly placed blow from an unexpected direction. Or she would hold her head fixed, staring straight ahead for long seconds, only to jerk it suddenly at an incoming blow, as if surprised. (Spoiler: she wasn't.)

Hinata was using the same tactic, after a fashion, but her attempts would always degenerate into predictable patterns. She was either following her hands, or not, and she couldn't switch fast enough to keep Hanabi from figuring her out.

~o~O~o~O~o~

 **In fact, meat, that is a useful case study in why your crush's Gentle Fist falls short.**

Naruto decided to ignore the bit about the crush.

 _She's insufficiently random?_

 **No, she is unable to improvise properly within the bounds of the Gentle Fist. She simply repeats the forms. Think of a show dog, trained to sit, to shake, to beg-**

 _Are you intentionally needling me?_

 **-and compare to a human, who may sit and shake hands and beg, not by dint of endless practice, but simply because they are tired, or are meeting someone, or are desirious of a favor.**

 _So, that's a yes? Also, what?_

Naruto felt the Kyuubi sigh heavily.

 _Hey, I'm trying here!_

 **Very well. Let us descend from metaphor to examples. Do you see how, in their neutral stance, both sisters stand with one arm fully extended?**

 _Yeah._

 **There is a reason for that. Since a mere tap is sufficient for the Gentle Fist to do great damage, that hand, held at arm's length, is a serious threat. They do not need to draw it back before they strike.**

 _Makes sense._

 **Every part of the stance is like that. It has a purpose. The purpose of that hand is to keep the enemy from closing freely. Now, watch what happens in this next exchange.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

The two sisters stood opposite each other, staring intently. Naruto could tell that Hinata was straining to keep up her Byakugan. Hanabi was harder to read, but she certainly didn't seem to be throwing chakra around wastefully. Which made sense; she was only 7. Actually, wait a minute...7? How the hell was a 7-year-old kid sparring so successfully against-

 **Later, meat. Focus on the fight.**

Without any warning, Hanabi darted toward Hinata's left, throwing a fan of three Kunai toward her older sister's right to block her retreat. Hinata retreated anyway, parrying one kunai with her own and dodging the others, keeping one arm pointed toward Hanabi the whole time.

Hanabi switched tactics, dashing in suddenly with a burst of chakra to her feet, leaning down hard to get under Hinata's guard. Hinata jumped over her sister, who spun upward violently in a whirl of pointy metal and open palms. The two traded inconclusive blows as Hanabi slid through the empty air underneath her sister.

The instant Hanabi's arms could no longer reach Hinata's, the younger Hyuga spun around again, angling sharply toward the wall and gathering up two big handfuls of Kunai. Hinata landed straight and got her arms back in front of her, watching her sister's retreating back, then-

~o~O~o~O~o~ **There!**

 _Where?_

 **Did you see what Hinata did when she landed?**

 _Er..._

 **When she landed. What did Hinata do?**

 _Um, she got back into her stance?_

 **Exactly. In particular, she stuck her right arm straight out in front of her in the classic Hyuga stance. Even though her sister was hurtling away from her.**

 _So? No reason not to get back into stance anyway. That seems like basic combat discipline._

 **Maybe. But have you noticed, in this fight, what excellent use the younger Hyuga is making of her ninja tools? Simple bits of sharpened metal, and she's more than compensating for a frankly overwhelming disadvantage in reach and speed.**

 _In speed?_

 **Yes. Hinata is faster than her sister, or didn't you notice? She's stronger too, not that it matters much with the Gentle Fist in play. But tell me, why is it that Hinata isn't using her own ninja tools?**

 _Er..._

 **If you look at the end of that exchange, Hinata used those precious few cycles after disengaging to re-extend her arm, get her footing perfect, and generally make sure that she was ready to keep her sister at bay. Hanabi, meanwhile, was hurtling away, obviating the entire exercise. It may be good "combat discipline", but those movements were wasted.**

 _And what if Hanabi had flashed back?_

 **Difficult, at that angle, but you have a fair point. Hinata's movements weren't** ** _wasted_** **, but they were sub-optimal. She should have followd Hanabi, who was certainly in no position to keep her away after that absurd spinning low dash. Or if she wanted to stay at range, she could have harassed Hanabi from afar with shuriken, or prepared a kunai, or any number of things. But instead she simply resumed her neutral stance. And by the time she was ready to make a decision about whether or not to chase her sister, or throw shuriken, or draw a kunai, Hanabi was already halfway across the room and armed with shuriken of her own.**

 _I'm not sure I buy this tactical analysis, Kyu, but fine. Even if you're right, what does that have to do with anything?_

 **It is illustrative, meat. She resumed a textbook-perfect Gentle Fist stance after disengaging, because she has practiced resuming a Gentle Fist stance after disengaging over and over again for years. She was thinking "I will now resume my stance, which includes extending my arm in this way that I have practiced.", rather than "I will now extend my arm because I believe that if I don't my sister may dash toward me at no cost to herself.".**

 _I...see. And what does this have to do with her inability to fake tells as well as Hanabi?_

 **It is the same thought process, or lack thereof. She is thinking "I will look away from my blows, like I have practiced." or "I've been doing that for a while; now I will look straight ahead for several blows and then feint, like I have practiced.", rather than "OK, my sister has begun expecting my eye movements to be feints, I should look straight ahead for a while instead to confound her." Or, even better, "My sister seems to know all the same eye tricks that I do, and they aren't working; what would throw her off?".**

 _Or maybe "I'm clearly not very good at these eye games, I should stop bothering and focus on something else."._

 **Exactly, meat. Now, to be perfectly clear, most of the time the motions and tactics that she has practiced are exactly correct. The simple games she plays with tells will work on most opponents who have not faced her. Resuming her stance after disengaging is almost always a good idea. After all, there is a reason that the Gentle Fist style is successful.**

 _So, um...what's the problem?_

 **The** ** _problem_** **is that ninja fights are, all too often, won by inches. They are won by fractions of a second. They are won in the drudgery of positioning, the minutia of nicked legs and bruised feet that slow your opponent just one crucial iota. If you do the correct thing 90% of the time, and your opponent does the correct thing 99% of the time, you will give them those inches over and over again. Hinata's inability to adapt will lose her most fights where she does not totally outmatch her opponent.**

~o~O~o~O~o~

Hinata's Byakugan was pulsing. Not a steady, throbbing, healthy pulse, but a wobbly stuttering pulse, like a drunk trying to stand. If drunks pulsed. Hiashi stood straight, arms crossed, giving no sign until his daughter's Byakugan collapsed completely. (Hanabi's, Naruto noticed, was still active.) Once it was clear that the fight was over, Hiashi raised his hand calmly, and his daughters relaxed their stances. The two sisters bowed deeply to each other, then walked to their father, both panting slightly. They seemed tired, but not exhausted; Gentle Fist training was less physically demanding than Naruto had imagined.

Hiashi spoke.

"A good match. Hanabi, well done, as usual. Hinata, your fundamentals are getting better, but I'm afraid that you have fallen further behind once again. Do you understand how the fight went?"

Hinata might have cast her eyes downward if she hadn't already been closely examining the dojo mats.

Her voice, when she spoke, lacked her usual stutter. Naruto was uncomfortably reminded of the Kyuubi's joke that Hiashi had beaten it out of her.

"Yes, father. She landed four debilitating blows to my torso, one lethal blow to my neck, and in twelve separate engagements gained an advantage that would have been difficult to recover from in a real fight. I landed only one debilitating blow, came out ahead on only four engagements."

Hiashi nodded.

"And do you understand why this is, Hinata?"

Hinata's voice, still stutter-free, came out softer.

"My...I...that is, I have no excuse. I am stronger, faster, and have more reach. Hanabi's mastery of the Gentle Fist is simply greater, and her Byakugan, for her age..."

Hiashi's nostrils flared. "Say what you mean, and say it about yourself. You lost because you are weak. Your Gentle Fist is weak, your Byakugan is weak..."

Naruto choked, loudly. Hiashi's head swiveled toward him so fast he wondered if it had flickered.

 _Oh. So_ that's _what Hiashi looks like angry._

Hiashi's voice was stony. "Do you have something to say, Uzumaki-san?"

 **Meat...**

Well, Kyu wasn't shouting at him, which probably meant that he'd fucked up so badly that the fox didn't want to spook him and make it worse.

But no, fuck that.

 **MEAT...**

"Well, Hiashi-sama-"

 **NARUTO!**

That stopped him, just for a second. Had the fox _ever_ used his real name before?

 **DON'T! For Hinata's sake, if not your own.**

 _Bullshit, letting him tear her down like that isn't going to-_

 **Repeat exactly what I say, meat.**

 _But-_

 **TRUST ME. Repeat: "-er..."**

Naruto made a split-second decision. He started repeating after the Kyuubi. When the Kyuubi spoke, he used Naruto's voice, complete with the desired intonation, and Naruto tried his best to copy it. He wished they'd practiced this beforehand.

"-er...well, it isn't my place to say, Hiashi-sama, but I will say it anyway. I don't believe that tearing Hinata down will make her stronger."

Hiashi's brows knit together a fraction, and he frowned deeply. Minor changes, but Naruto was suddenly very, very afraid.

"I see. You believe you know better than me, Uzumaki-san, how to train my own daughter?"

Hinata's eyes had grown wide, and Naruto saw that she was shaking. Was she afraid for herself, or for him? No time for that, the Kyuubi was still speaking in his mind.

"No, I believe that _you_ know better than what you are doing, Hiashi-sama. A ninja as powerful as yourself is certainly well-versed in psychology. It is an inexact discipline, but one of the few reliable results is that making someone _internalize_ that they are weak will not make them strong. Every instructor in the village would tell you as much, and could cite more than a dozen training studies performed in this village alone that confirm it. The training of ninjas is too important to be left unstudied, and you are too smart not to have studied it."

 **-studied it. Now hold his gaze, meat. Look unafraid, but try not to come across as aggressive.**

Naruto locked eyes with Hiashi, watched his Byakugan veins pulse and throb, waiting. Some remnant of his old lonely fatalism was coming back - he'd almost forgotten how it felt - and he decided, right then, that he would rather be killed on the spot then let Hiashi stare him down.

Not that Hiashi wasn't trying. His brow had smoothed out, he had the dangerous look of someone who has passed through anger, through rage and into cold, vicious hatred. Naruto held his gaze anyway.

Hiashi spoke again, softly, and that softness was scarier than anything else.

"So you are accusing me, Uzumaki-san, of deliberately sabotaging my daughter?"

Hanabi had a blank look on her face, but something in her posture seemed uneasy. Hinata was literally trembling at this point, holding her arms tight to make it less visible. As if the other ninjas in the room wouldn't notice. Naruto felt a pang of desperate sympathy. The Kyuubi was speaking again-

"No, Hyuga-sama, I would never make such an accusation. But we do not always do what we know to be right, in the moment. We are human, and we make mistakes; we act against our interests, and we betray our principles, large and small, every day. And sometimes those closest to us suffer. I am only trying to help you do what you already know is right. But they are your daughters, and this is your dojo; if you wish for me to be silent so that you may train them, I will be."

 **-will be. Alright, I think we got him; he forcibly stopped his eye from twitching just as you said "those closest to us". Maybe we hit a nerve? Ask your girlfriend about that later.**

Naruto didn't even register the jab.

 _Kyu, I am completely lost and about two seconds away from shitting my pants right now. What's going on?_

 **He isn't really angry with you, meat. At least, he isn't experiencing the sort of irrational, consuming anger you're used to. Anger for him is a social tool. It's a sort of commitment to harm you, somehow, even if it's against his own interests, if you don't back down. Since most people** ** _do_** **back down, it's a net win, even though the times he has to follow through cost him.**

 _Sure, but-_

 **He was using that social tool to make you shut up. Defusing that tool is a three-step process. First, raise the costs of hurting you. Continuing down this path would make him look malicious and stupid in front of his daughters, since everything you said was correct and respectful. Second, give him a way out: an excuse for his behavior that** ** _doesn't_** **look stupid or malicious. In this case, Akrasia. Third, offer to shut up if he asks you in his capacity as father and instructor. By offering to back down, you are yielding to his anger, and so he can let you off without setting a bad precedent.**

 _Wha?_

 **He basically said "I will harm you somehow if you don't shut up.". If you had said "I won't shut up", he would be obliged to harm you so that his threats have teeth in the future. You instead said "I will shut up if you ask me, sir, after having considered these things." He can now consider what you have said, decline to ask you to shut up a second time, and yet his anger will still have force in the future, because you yielded to it and offered to shut up unconditionally if he still wished it.**

 _So why won't he just ask me to shut up?_

 **Because the things you said were** ** _right_** **, and it would make him look bad to ignore that. You have made attack costly, and retreat easy.**

 _That sounds pretty convoluted, Kyu. Are you sure you have that good of a read on him?_

 **I don't think I've reminded you of my intrinsic superiority often enough in the last few days, meat. As far as matters like this go, he might as well be a large-print book. It also helps a great deal, as I said, that we are right. The real trick is gaining social advantage even when you are wrong.**

Naruto was working up a crack about modesty when Hiashi spoke. The man's face had lost its cold look of hatred, but he certainly didn't look happy.

"Your concern for my daughter speaks well of you, Uzumaki-san. But I do not appreciate you interrupting my lesson to criticize my methods. Respect is as important for a ninja's development as self-confidence. If you wish to continue assisting in my daughter's training, you will refrain from so interrupting me in the future. Are we clear?"

Their eyes were still locked. Naruto swallowed, a little harder than he'd meant to. The Kyuubi wasn't feeding him lines any more. Did that mean whatever danger there was had passed? Rather than risk saying the wrong thing, he simply nodded.

Hiashi turned back to his daughters. The unease had left Hanabi's posture, and Hinata looked a little less like she was about to vomit. Hiashi continued where he'd left off with Hinata, as if no interruption had occurred.

"In any case, you already know the exercises for extending the duration of your Byakugan, so we will focus on the Gentle Fist.."

~o~O~o~O~o~

Naruto went from terrified to bored in a matter of minutes as the Hyuga clan discussed, demonstrated, and practiced an increasingly parochial series of principles related to the Gentle Fist. Naruto's attention started to wander around when Hiashi began to elaborate on angles of the hand in the neutral stance (orienting the fingers forward denies the enemy a larger area, but makes fine adjustments left or right is harder). For once the Kyuubi wasn't trying to get him to pay more attention, and before he knew it the training session had ended uneventfully. Hiashi told his daughters what to practice for next time and turned to leave.

Hanabi spoke up, however. "Father? Excuse me, but is the dojo free for the rest of the evening?"

Hiashi paused and turned around, looking unsurprised, which meant nothing. "Yes, it should be."

"Then," Hanabi said, turning to Naruto, "Uzumaki-san, were you and my sister planning to train together after this?"

Naruto nodded slowly.

"It is a terrible imposition, but might I join you? I feel that my own training would benefit from some variety."

Hanabi glanced her father's way as she said this, and after a moment he nodded. "I did tell you that, but I was expecting you to train with an experienced clan member. Uzumaki-san and your sister must train together to build rapport; you have no such requirement. If you wish for instruction from outside the clan, I can arrange for a tutor."

Hanabi lowered her head politely. "I will do what you think is best, father, but I must admit that I am curious, and I feel that my sister and I might also benefit from a stronger 'rapport'. That is, if you don't mind?"

She looked up at Naruto as she said this. Hiashi turned to look at him as well, saying nothing. He looked to Hinata for help, but she had been even more quiet than usual since his argument with her father, and certainly didn't seem inclined to say anything right now.

 _Any advice, Kyu?_

 **Are you an idiot, meat? One answer is rude and deprives you of information on the younger Hyuga. Just don't seem too eager, it will make you look amateurish.**

Well, when you put it that way...

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Eh, sure, why not? We're going to be doing speed training, so it'll probably be pretty boring, but if you can put up with it we'd love to have you."

Hiashi continued staring at Naruto for a moment, then nodded a second time to Hanabi. "Very well. You may train with them for as long as it pleases the three of you and does not become an impediment to your progress. Do not leave the compound, however. Having both heirs to our main bloodline out together might prove too tempting to some."

With that Hiashi turned smoothly and strode from the room. Not that it mattered, really; he could still see them just fine with his Byakugan, and Naruto wouldn't be surprised if he could somehow hear them, too.

~o~O~o~O~o~

Everyone stood around awkwardly for a few seconds until the new social dynamic clicked into place. Naruto took charge, rubbing his hands and walking toward the two sisters. "Alright, no point wasting time. Hinata-chan, drill three to warm up?"

Hinata nodded, staring at the floor. Before Naruto could blink she had flashed all the way to the other side of the dojo and was dashing doggedly from wall to wall. Her shyness levels seemed to have temporarily regressed several months. Ah well, she'd be fine. Right?

 **Most probably, meat. No lasting damage was done today. It was a VERY NEAR MISS, however. We will need to have a long discussion tonight about the exact definition of the term "best behavior".**

Naruto promptly put that out of his mind. He turned to Hanabi. The young girl took a step or two toward him, then stopped and stood respectfully with her hands behind her back, staring up into his eyes. The stance might have been called demure, but her blank gaze and the angle of her chin made her look poised instead.

"And what should I do, Uzumaki-san?"

Naruto wasn't used to being taller than people. He grinned and squatted down to eye-level with the younger ninja. "Hmm. Hey! You wanna make a bet, Hanabi-chan?"

Hanabi accepted the "-chan" suffix without blinking. "My father once told me that gambling exists solely to transform the indolent into the indigent, that others might make use of their newly liquid funds. So I would be difficult to convince, Uzumaki-san."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and frowned a little. "Yikes! Big words. How old are you again, kid?"

"Seven."

"YIKES! Anyway, I don't want to bet _money_ or anything. I just wanted to say, I bet you've only been taught to run for the purpose of fighting, right?"

Hanabi-chan stared at him blankly, and said nothing.

"Err...I mean, like, I was watching your fight earlier, and your movements are really good, Hanabi-chan, if you're expecting to be attacked. You accelerate at a super-low angle, low enough that you could touch the ground if you had to, and you keep both your feet pretty close to the ground while you run. A high-speed shuffle, if you will."

Hanabi cocked her head, still saying nothing. Naruto couldn't figure out what was going on in her head. But she was listening, at least.

"Um, and that's really good if you need lots of options for changing direction quickly, or if you need to jump on short notice, but it's slower than a sprint."

Hanabi was still maintaining radio silence with her body language, so Naruto pressed on.

"So, anyway, how would you like to learn how to sprint? You'll be way faster, and it's pretty easy to learn!"

Naruto punctuated his sales pitch with a big grin and two thumbs-up. If Hanabi was going to keep acting borderline-autistic, he might as well make sure that he was conveying his emotions clearly.

Hanabi slowly uncocked her head, looking straight into his eyes.

"Is it worth knowing, Uzumaki-san? It seems foolish to run so quickly that no defense can be mustered against an attack."

Naruto rubbed his chin.

"Well, maybe. But it also seems foolish not to have the option. There's a big difference between choosing to run slowly and not being able to run fast. So, yeah, I'd say it's worth knowing."

Hanabi nodded firmly, crossed her arms, and stood expectantly. Or something. She was standing, anyway, Naruto was sure of that. After a few awkward moments, he launched right in.

"Er...alright. Let's start with your stance. Uncross your arms."

Hanabi obliged, face still blank. Naruto walked behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Alright, now, relax your shoulders. Your shoulder blades should be down and loose." Naruto pressed down as he spoke, and he could feel Hanabi's torso aligning properly. "Good! Make sure to keep them like that while you run. We'll talk more about arms in a second. Next, straighten out a bit. I know the Gentle Fist puts a lot of emphasis on spinning and slanting, but good sprinting is very linear. You should keep your head, shoulders, and hips facing straight forward."

Naruto pattered on for a bit about the unimportant parts of sprinting. Keeping your shoulders relaxed was less than a hundredth as important as getting your legs right, but the Kyuubi had taught him to always put the most important part of a lesson at the end.

Hanabi was infinitely pliable. The contrast to Hinata, who had gotten basically the same treatment not too long ago, was striking. The younger Hyuga never flinched away from Naruto's touch, for example. And she certainly didn't blush when he positioned her hips. It was like posing a mannequin.

Well, that wasn't quite accurate. It was like posing a mannequin with super-advanced pose-correction technology. Perfecting Hinata's form was like balancing stones; it was slow, tedious, and prone to falling apart completely if he pushed too hard. Hanabi was more like a set of legos. He'd move her arm or her pelvis or whatever into roughly the right spot, and as soon as he let go it would click perfectly into place. She had a preternatural intuition for lines of force and tension in her own body.

In fact, he was beginning to understand why she was called a genius. Every time he moved her, he could feel the child just below her calm surface. Hanabi was already a ninja on the outside, but on the inside she was nothing but underdeveloped musculature clinging to thin, flexible bones.

Naruto couldn't see chakra pathways, but judging by Hanabi's extended use of the Byakugan, hers were amazingly well-developed for her age. Flashing at full speed would probably fracture both her legs. She was like a master swordsman wielding a rotted stick. The Gentle Fist was unusually well-suited to her limitations, but it was still mind-boggling that she could reliably beat Hinata in a fight. (After all, Hinata was no slouch! She was one of the better Genin in her year.)

"Great, Hanabi-chan! You're a natural. Now let's talk about legs. You want to try to keep your toes as close to your shins as possible, because it makes your leg a shorter lever, and you don't have to work as hard. Every step you want to bring your knees up, like this..."

~o~O~o~O~o~

The problem with speed training in a Dojo, Hinata reflected, was that it allowed far too much time for reflection. At least reflecting on reflection was better than reflecting on Naruto and Hanabi and Father. Oh wait, now she was reflecting on that again. Wonderful.

 **Hey, I call today an unmitigated success. Naruto STOOD UP FOR US. To DAD. And now maybe we're going to get to know Hanabi better, which honestly would do a lot for our mental health at this point.**

 _But...but he...it was the first day! The first day! And he already almost...with father, I mean...I was so scared..._

 **Yeah, that was really freaky. He handled it fine, though.**

 _Th...This time! What abou...about next time?_

 **Erm...**

 _A...An...And Hanabi! He's over there with Hanabi! And he saw how badly she beat me, and how much less afraid she is, and now he's going to see how fast she learns, and how...how...how weak..._

 **Hey, he wasn't wrong, you know. Naruto wasn't. Earlier, I mean. Dad tearing us down like that won't make us stronger, and neither will tearing ourself down.**

 _But..._

 **And, yes, Hanabi is better than us right now. Maybe she'll always be better than us. That's a real possibility. But so what! That doesn't mean we can't be amazing. And Naruto wouldn't go for her anyway. She's seven! We're his teammate, we're the same age, we're developed, we already sorta-kinda made a move. We're killing it right now!**

Hinata reflected that it was _definitely_ a bad sign when her inner self felt the need to be this nice.

 **Alright, yes, I'm putting a positive spin on things, but seriously, lighten up. Everything's fine.**

Hinata hoped she was right.

~o~O~o~O~o~

End


End file.
